Hi everyone. I have a big worry I can't stop thinking about. Well, I feel very, very anxious about my husband's family liking me. I think it's because I know if they don't, they could seriously hurt me and ruin my life. I know that's extreme to think, but I'm very cautious and think it's possible of anyone.

My husband has assured me many times that they like me, and it does seem that way, but I have my doubts.

For one, I notice that people tend to dislike me over time, no matter how much they liked or disliked me at the beginning. Especially other woman. I don't know why, maybe there's some secret code and way of doing things between other women? I tend to garner their hate very easily. I think women might expect other women to be more socially savvy, and see my social awkwardness as extremely childish. To be honest, I don't know why I don't have social savvyness. I've never had, and I've been bullied all my life for it, no matter how much I try to not act weird or awkward. I could never build social skills because all the kids rejected me when I was growing up.

I really don't know what I do wrong, so I just avoid everyone in general. If I'm bothering everyone, then best to keep myself out of their way, right? The more I try to interject in the pursuit of friends, the more rejection I build.

I was at a party recently with my MIL and other family members of my husband's, and I was alone with them. Everyone was nice to me and let me "join in," which I felt immensely relieved over. I was worried being alone with this group would result in them "ostracizing" me like pretty much all groups do to me. They all seemed to have accepted me, thankfully, since I'm connected to their son/grandson/etc.

However, during the conversation, my MIL asks me how school and work is going, and I'm currently not working, so I told her (I'm attending school full time in an engineering program), then she makes a quiet comment on how lazy people are who don't work, or something to that effect. I can't quite remember, but she did bring up how she had to work that upcoming summer. I think she said how nice it'd be if she didn't have any work, unlike some lazy people.

I just felt really awful and the whole party was painful from that point. I felt very anxious and retreated back into my cocoon.

I want so much for his family to like me, and maybe they do, but this fear that his mother doesn't like me has me scared. She has a lot more social power than me and could make things painful for me if she wanted to. My husband loves her so much and would probably tear away from me if she asked. I'm not really worth enough to anyone to get any sympathy that way.

So far, nothing has come up again, and I wonder if I'm just being paranoid? I really hope so, because she has been extremely kind and gentle so far. I wonder sometimes if it's just my fate. No matter how kind someone is, they'll always come to hate me in particular because I'm a bad person. But, I admit I could be seeing things the wrong way.

However, if she does turn out to continue to be subtly mean to me, is there anything I could do to protect myself? Usually when someone's mean to me, I eventually agree it was wrong of them, but in the immediate moment I feel like I deserve it. If my own MIL did it to me after being kind for so long, I'd probably go into a depression from the blow, since I often am depressed in general. I just don't want that to happen.

Thank you!

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time. You're not alone. I know you are anxious but if you can don't look for problems that don't yet and may never exist. What your MIL said was slightly uninformed wasn't it? I mean full time in an engineering program is no cake walk. That's a job in itself. Are you seeing a therapist? A good one could help you process your past experiences and your current anxiety. Good luck.

Thanks so much, Jennifer. You're right, I shouldn't worry about it unless it does show itself to be a problem. And she is such a nice person, too.

I am a worrier in general. I've been seeing a therapist, and have been dealing with a plethora of problems, but my therapist thinks nothing is wrong with me and won't diagnose me for anything, or even notice that I'm really struggling. I'm going to start with a new therapist, though, since I believe this one is incorrect and they're also starting to bring me down. I do want to continue with therapy, and will keep searching until I find the right one for me.

[Sunflower123]

Good luck finding the right therapist. I went through several before I found the right one. Best wishes.