[Macd123]

I got a date tonight and she's forty years my junior - yes she's legal! Feeling a little guilty.....

[Sunflower123]

Don't feel guilty. Go out and have a good time. Love and attraction comes in all forms and ages. Good luck!!

[~Christina]

MacD.... Do yourself a favor and just enjoy the date and not fall head over heels like with the engaged gal.

If your feeling guilty then your conscious is telling you not to do this.

40 year difference is way to far.... Hell I am 50 and if I were single I would not want to date anyone a decade older than me to be honest.

I am curious about how old you are...40 years is a major difference and there will likely be differences in maturity level, interests, etc.

Regardless, I hope you have a good time. Like Christina said, just enjoy the date. But if it doesn't feel right, then don't go for it.

[divine1966]

Did you tell her your real age? She is in her 20s and what's her agenda? I've never met 20somethung years old wanting to date a man in his 60s.

I've met women dating men 20 years older but not 40.

There is no crime in this of course but I'd wonder about her true agenda here. And is it a romantic date or only you think it's a date and she thinks it's just a get together? You went through many of those when you assumed it's romantic encounter and they didn't think that at all. Just be careful so you don't get hurt again

I'm curious as to why you feel guilty?

As long as you are both unattached adults you are both free to do as you wish.

[MickeyCheeky]

I don't think there's anything wrong with it, as long as it's legal.. enjoy the date, and see how it works out

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Did you tell her your real age? She is in her 20s and what's her agenda? I've never met 20somethung years old wanting to date a man in his 60s.

I've met women dating men 20 years older but not 40.

There is no crime in this of course but I'd wonder about her true agenda here. And is it a romantic date or only you think it's a date and she thinks it's just a get together? You went through many of those when you assumed it's romantic encounter and they didn't think that at all. Just be careful so you don't get hurt again

I agree. You have a history of dating incredibly young women, getting attached rather quickly and scaring them away. I'd stick with women your own age.

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

MacD.... Do yourself a favor and just enjoy the date and not fall head over heels like with the engaged gal.

If your feeling guilty then your conscious is telling you not to do this.

40 year difference is way to far.... Hell I am 50 and if I were single I would not want to date anyone a decade older than me to be honest.

She's not engaged - thanks 🤗

[Macd123]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Did you tell her your real age? She is in her 20s and what's her agenda? I've never met 20somethung years old wanting to date a man in his 60s.

I've met women dating men 20 years older but not 40.

There is no crime in this of course but I'd wonder about her true agenda here. And is it a romantic date or only you think it's a date and she thinks it's just a get together? You went through many of those when you assumed it's romantic encounter and they didn't think that at all. Just be careful so you don't get hurt again

Yes she knows my age it was actually her idea. Thanks 🌹

[LiteraryLark]

Why would she want to date someone 40 years older? Are you wealthy?

I've only had feelings like that for teachers, but not for dating or marriage.

[A Red Panda]

Originally Posted by Macd123

Yes she knows my age it was actually her idea. Thanks 🌹

Did she specify it as a date, or could you be misunderstanding an invitation to hang out with her as being romantically motivated? I'm fairly sure you've had this sort of misconception before, so I really hope it's been very clear that it's a romantic date so that you don't fall head over heels and then crushed.

It sounds like someone is missing being idealized and this might fill the void.

[Crazy Hitch]

I sometimes ponder on the age gap between my bf and I - and it really isn't a huge age gap, he just acts older than he is.

I really do know - I could absolutely never date someone that much older...it's grandfather material

[divine1966]

You said it was "her idea" but to do what? I meet people for lunch or activities plenty of times and it could be my idea but it doesn't mean I am going to be romantic with them. Is she looking for a relationship? Marriage? Kids? Or activity partner? Where have you met?

You had so many of identical stories. You are talking to strsngers online thinking it's friendship. You are talking to baristas thinking they are dating you. Etc it always ends up in disaster because those are neither friendships nor dating experiences. But few months later you do it again.

Did you already have a date? How did it go?

[Molinit]

It's a shame when something is turned into a fetish. For the OP, this "date" is with a body that is 40 years younger than his. The actual person doesn't matter.

[Entity06]

Personally, I've always been most attracted to older men(and no, it's not daddy issues), even as a teenager I found men in their 40s who look in decent shape a lot more appealing physically than younger men. And btw, I say decent shape because I happen to be a relatively active, sporty person and one of the things I most look in a partner is to be able to have an active(not obsessively so though)lifestyle together. But I actually don't care for six packs and bulging muscles, just a normally athletic looking person.

Anyway, apart from the physical, I find that a man with the right personality(open minded, smart, thoughtful, emotionally aware, with a sense of humor, introspective,etc) is much more attractive as a 40+ year old than he was as a 20-30 year old.

So, a man, let's say, my "type", who obviously looks and has the personality I'm inclined to find attractive at 30 as well as at 40-50-60, is twice as attractive to me once he passes 40. I like maturity.

Just because someone is 50+ or even 60, it doesn't mean they're a decrepit old man/old woman. I happened to mentally mature pretty early due to circumstances and my personality, and I liked the same type of men then that I do now at 30.

So let's not shame anyone as long as they're both consenting adults.

I will say, though, that it is true in some cases a difference of 40 years can an obstacle and it's also true that not everyone is mature enough at 20 to be with someone who is 60. There is also a lot of fetishizing(consciously or not) done by older men ,because of sexism, objectification of women and ageism. So yes, those things are to be taken into consideration but it's not a given that they apply in this or another situation.

So it's fine, a date is no big deal as long as no one is pressuring anyone and as long as both people try to be conscious of potential issues and not use each other or fetishize each other.

Now, if the OP is truly fetishizing young women, then that's a huge problem and I advise against it.

I really think you have to ask yourself what your true motivation is. It seems to me you would be the one gaining the most. Ask yourself too what you would think if you had a daughter do this. Now ask what she is getting out of this.

I think Entity makes some very incisive observations.

I'm going to be honest here Mac, I'm not really sure why you are posting about this or what you want from us? You actually have said very little, and it's hard to figure out. Do you know what you were looking for when you posted?

I'm not sure what is the best way to offer support to you/what support you require.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Entity06

Personally, I've always been most attracted to older men(and no, it's not daddy issues), even as a teenager I found men in their 40s who look in decent shape a lot more appealing physically than younger men. And btw, I say decent shape because I happen to be a relatively active, sporty person and one of the things I most look in a partner is to be able to have an active(not obsessively so though)lifestyle together. But I actually don't care for six packs and bulging muscles, just a normally athletic looking person.

Anyway, apart from the physical, I find that a man with the right personality(open minded, smart, thoughtful, emotionally aware, with a sense of humor, introspective,etc) is much more attractive as a 40+ year old than he was as a 20-30 year old.

So, a man, let's say, my "type", who obviously looks and has the personality I'm inclined to find attractive at 30 as well as at 40-50-60, is twice as attractive to me once he passes 40. I like maturity.

Just because someone is 50+ or even 60, it doesn't mean they're a decrepit old man/old woman. I happened to mentally mature pretty early due to circumstances and my personality, and I liked the same type of men then that I do now at 30.

So let's not shame anyone as long as they're both consenting adults.

I will say, though, that it is true in some cases a difference of 40 years can an obstacle and it's also true that not everyone is mature enough at 20 to be with someone who is 60. There is also a lot of fetishizing(consciously or not) done by older men ,because of sexism, objectification of women and ageism. So yes, those things are to be taken into consideration but it's not a given that they apply in this or another situation.

So it's fine, a date is no big deal as long as no one is pressuring anyone and as long as both people try to be conscious of potential issues and not use each other or fetishize each other.

Now, if the OP is truly fetishizing young women, then that's a huge problem and I advise against it.

I think it all looks different in a light of previous events. Op repeatedly pursues very young women ( early 20s). It never ends well. It always ends bad.

Many many times op would talk to 20 something baristas in the coffee shop. Then he'd be upset and devastated that they have boyfriends because he assumed that since they talk to him and are friendly, there is something else beyond customer and friendly customer rep. Etc. when it's the same pattern one after another, then it's more than just him going on dates. It's hard to provide encouragement beyond "stay safe"

I can't be encouraging for him to go on
These dates because I don't like seeing him so depressed about it when it all falls apart

[s4ndm4n2006]

If the youth of the OP's date was not even a factor in him wanting to date her, it would not be a thing. The fact that 1, he mentions this in a very short post that he has a date, kind of says its a focus of his.

Mind you, age itself as long as it's legal isn't really an issue. Maturity is really, and that, being the maturity of the two people matching more than anything. Also interests, views and other things that would make a relationship work or not work.

That being said, in the majority of cases people with a large gap in age, typically do view things differently, have different interests and are of different maturity levels so it's understandable that most of the time, the age gap isn't ideal.

Mac, you have not mentioned anything about this girl that you have a date with, why you find her attractive, why you think you'll get along, what's so great about her, etc. You say you have a date, she's 40 yrs younger than you and that's it. I hate to say it but it doesn't sound like there is much substance there except to say that she fits your ideal younger type and she obviously has some kind of thing with older guys and possibly an agenda or ploy.

I can't technically say this is a bad idea or a good one, I know nothing of your interactions with her and what she's like etc. But please be careful.

Going forward, I would focus on finding someone that you actually see something in, as I too have seen that you kind of focus a lot on your prospects being younger than you, and I don't see you looking for any "type" of woman, personality or interest wise. Heck I don't even see you mentioning what you see in any of them physically or what you're interested in that manner!

Exactly, just what is the agenda here? What do you have in common? What are your goals? Why would you want to date what amounts to a child?

[Artchic528]

I take it that the lack of posting and explanations from the OP says that the "date" didn't go well.

Some people are just looking to brag.

[Erebos]

Hey Mac,

How did things go?
Hope your well, whatever happened. All the best.