I may have posted this eons ago....

I got kicked in the teeth again this morning. Once again I saw comment by both my ex and his fiance on my children's FB walls. I just have a hard time dealing with the fact that he is still in my children's (his step-children's) lives. But it's not just them. They are friends with everyone including my family - my father no less. Despite the blatantly obvious abuse and cheating everyone seems to rally around him. He is extremely charismatic and and a manipulator who has a way with circling people around him who place him on a pedestal. I just can't escape him. It's not just FB, but people talk about him (and his fabulous life) quite openly in front of me too. How hurtful this all is.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I may have posted this eons ago....

I got kicked in the teeth again this morning. Once again I saw comment by both my ex and his fiance on my children's FB walls. I just have a hard time dealing with the fact that he is still in my children's (his step-children's) lives. But it's not just them. They are friends with everyone including my family - my father no less. Despite the blatantly obvious abuse and cheating everyone seems to rally around him. He is extremely charismatic and and a manipulator who has a way with circling people around him who place him on a pedestal. I just can't escape him. It's not just FB, but people talk about him (and his fabulous life) quite openly in front of me too. How hurtful this all is.

I understand. We were sitting at lunch one day and my sister and bil said of my ex....I'm not going to lie....I really miss him. Uh hello? Did you forget the reasons I divorced him? I later found out they went to a birthday party at his and his new wife's house. It's hurtful and feels disloyal. I'm sorry you're going through that. It does feel like being kicked in the teeth. Every marriage has problems but I came out after 20 years feeling like I had some type of PTSD and they know that.

Yes the sense of disloyalty is prevalent. At times too, I have found out that people have spent time with him - like when he comes to town. Heck I even found out my brother and his own fiance made a trip out to see and spend time with him and his fiance for a ski-weekend. They certainly don't make an effort to spend that kind of time with me. I have found out that my ex is making his way out for my son's university convocation - something I have as yet to be invited to.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Yes the sense of disloyalty is prevalent. At times too, I have found out that people have spent time with him - like when he comes to town. Heck I even found out my brother and his own fiance made a trip out to see and spend time with him and his fiance for a ski-weekend. They certainly don't make an effort to spend that kind of time with me. I have found out that my ex is making his way out for my son's university convocation - something I have as yet to be invited to.

You are going to be invited though?

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

You are going to be invited though?

I have come to the conclusion the answer is 'No'. The occasion is in less than two weeks time.

[MickeyCheeky]

Sorry this is happening to you.. Must be really painful. I don't have any advice to give.. we're here if you need to vent though

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I have come to the conclusion the answer is 'No'. The occasion is in less than two weeks time.

I am so sorry. Maybe he's like my daughter. She refused to order invitations and called everyone a week before. Go figure. Best wishes.

[Hairball]

I can relate, it is hurtful and unnecessary for them to keep in contact. But, it really seems they don't care how we feel.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I am so sorry. Maybe he's like my daughter. She refused to order invitations and called everyone a week before. Go figure. Best wishes.

I just hope this is the case. But why then would he have already extended the invitation to his step-dad? If he is motivated by thinking he is doing a favour by not having us together in one place, why would his step-dad then be his choice? I just can't figure this out and have been wracked with anxiety and sadness wondering what I have done to deserve this. Is it my fault I have been spurned?

[eyesclosed]

I feel great empathy for all of you. It seems that your ex's like mine were very passive aggressive and when you weren't around when they were with your family they paint a picture about us and overtime your family has a different view of who you are. This is sick I told my family if they kept in contact with my ex it's exactly what she wanted and would eventually destroy our family. My family is unsupportive of where I stand There is just no way someone as nice as my ex could be emotional abusive. I had to detach from my family. This hurt's.

[Trippin2.0]

Why not call your son and get this all cleared up?

[divine1966]

I am sorry you are hurting

I don't think you can control if your family communicates with ex. I keep in contact with ex's family and he with mine. We can't control it. If I was asked to stop I'd be surprised.

But...You are not invited to your sons college graduation? But ex is? Are you two close? Have you asked him what's up with that? I'd be shocked. Do call him and ask.

It's pretty bad when I am scared of having a confrontation with my own son. But this is what I did... I texted him early this morning:

"I understand grad is in less than two weeks. Will you be participating?"

No reply yet. I am curious.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

I just hope this is the case. But why then would he have already extended the invitation to his step-dad? If he is motivated by thinking he is doing a favour by not having us together in one place, why would his step-dad then be his choice? I just can't figure this out and have been wracked with anxiety and sadness wondering what I have done to deserve this. Is it my fault I have been spurned?

No, of course it's not your fault. Is this your son? Call him up sooner rather then later and say it a joking voice so I guess my invitation got lost huh? You belong there...not your lame ex. I just went to my daughter's high school graduation and the arena was so large I never saw my ex husband.

EDIT. I posted this before I saw you texted him. Any response? If not, try calling him. Good luck.

So far no reply to my text. I have a history of jumping to conclusions I admit, but this speaks volumes to me.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

So far no reply to my text. I have a history of jumping to conclusions I admit, but this speaks volumes to me.

If my daughter didn't reply to my text I'd freak out she fell ill. Why isn't he replying? I'd call him asap. Is this normal for your kids to act this way?