So I don't normally make posts this long but this is a very long and complicated story so here goes...

First to explain the dynamics: My room mate and I live in a halfway house that's part of a program for people with MI. It''s sort of like a community of halfway houses, there's 2 houses for men and then another women's house except that one is supervised(that's where all the executive staff work). Then there's a day center that's part of the program that has classes, outings and that type of thing.

Anyway, there's a guy living in the men's house who my room mate very briefly dated. For awhile after they broke up they stayed friends. Then one day he casually told her that his friend (who used to attend the day program but was not part of housing) had nonconsensual sex with a girl, in his apartment, while she was drugged. My room mate told our housing director, who called the police. No charges could be filed because they couldn't prove anything. But when he (my room mate's ex) found out that she told on his friend he was pissed at her, saying she could have ruined his life. He got very angry almost to the point where he could've been violent. So this is someone who defends that type of behavior.

He is a very awkward guy who has never been able to keep a relationship and as a result is VERY angry with society, especially women. He has vented to my room mate about how much he hates seeing couples together and how he has thoughts of hurting them. He has also said that he is capable of shooting up a place and that he had homicidal thoughts towards a female staff member because she kept professional boundaries with him. My room mate didn't report any of this because She had no proof as most of the more damning conversations happened over the phone, so most likely nothing would be done (like in the other situation) and then if anyone said anything about it to him he would KNOW it was her and something might actually happen. She kept talking to him basically to keep him stable enough so that he wouldn't do anything.

So, last night he was ranting and raving to her again about how much he hates everyone and everything, hates women etc. and that he was feeling suicidal a few days ago but wasn't anymore, now he's just mad at the world. She finally was honest with him and told him he needs to take care of himself and stop expecting so much from other people. He got defensive and then she ended the conversation. Me and her were talking a little while ago and somehow the topic got to guns and shooters, and my room mate said "That's going to be _____ one day." And now we're both very worried he might do something. I'm especially concerned about the day program because they leave their doors unlocked and people just walk in and out. We've even had strangers wander in there before. Now I'm thinking I just don't want to go there anymore.

I feel like I should go to the housing director. But just like before, we don't have any proof besides a Facebook message about him being suicidal, but they probably wouldn't even hospitalize him because he's not actively feeling that way. My fear is just like her's was-if he finds out someone told, he's going to lose it and even worse will think it was her that told. I'm absolutely terrified he would do something to her or something like we said. Then part of me wonders if I'm jumping to conclusions, he said he has the capability, but would he? He's been in treatment, he's in treatment and it isn't going to change any of this. So what could they even do? What would stop him from doing something to hurt my room mate? It's not like they would lock him up forever, even if we had proof of the other things he said.

I'm really upset right now because I just don't know what to do...

Really appreciate the advice when I'm upset and don't know what to do

It is a no win situation so there is no "right" answer. I have anxiety, so, in my experience, the aftermath of reporting things without enough hard evidence has caused me sleepless nights on more than one ocassion. If I was your friend, I would stay away from him rather than try to soothe him. Since he hates on so many things, the easiest thing for him to hate on in the future would be whoever he is interacting with....

[MickeyCheeky]

Sounds scary.. I don't know how it works there, is it possible to change room mate?

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are in such a tough position. He should not be allowed to live in the residential home for the MI in the condition he's in. I would think the housing director has been trained for such things so I would be inclined to tell them everything with the assurance of anonymity. Like a previous poster said it's a no win situation but something needs to be done about him. I wish you the very best in deciding what to do. Please keep us posted if you can. If it were me I'd go to the housing director. I understand why your room mate continues talking to him but that's also a no win situation to be in. I feel for both of you. I hope you stay safe. Best wishes.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Sounds scary.. I don't know how it works there, is it possible to change room mate?

My room mate isn't the problem...I'm most concerned about protecting her and still would be even if we didn't live together. I could stop going to the day center but again I still would be worried sick about everyone else there.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm sorry you are in such a tough position. He should not be allowed to live in the residential home for the MI in the condition he's in. I would think the housing director has been trained for such things so I would be inclined to tell them everything with the assurance of anonymity. Like a previous poster said it's a no win situation but something needs to be done about him. I wish you the very best in deciding what to do. Please keep us posted if you can. If it were me I'd go to the housing director. I understand why your room mate continues talking to him but that's also a no win situation to be in. I feel for both of you. I hope you stay safe. Best wishes.

I think that's what I'm going to do. I don't see any other options I'm hoping she can at least reassure me that measures would be taken to prevent him from doing anything.

[seesaw]

Tell someone. That's the only way anything can be done.