The guy i went on a date with. And doesn't want to commit to me. I asked him. If he was seeing other women. I just got this feeling. He is. He wants to see me again, but he is not wanting to commit to me. He said if I need a commitment this soon from the person I'm dating, he is not the guy for me. .

I was broken at first. I told him I want to see him again, but am pulling away now, too. he replied "sounds good!".

I'm ok. It was fun, but the reason we made out, was because there was nothing to talk about. .

I know I told him that I'd see him again. But I might choose not to.

I get that he works differently. And this is where I am mentally. We are not the same type of person. But I need to respect my personal boundaries and feelings.

I haven't always accepted and respected how I feel, with men, in the past. So this is new, and kinda hard for me. I don't really know about him as a partner either though.

[Nammu]

You are asking someone to commit to you after one date? That's way too soon.

I don't think it is. I like this guy, and it's where I'm at mentally. I get how it seems. But we have been talking on and off for months. Albeit, it's been superficial talk. Nothing deep. I know it's soon. Actually. It's just where I am mentally. Please do not criticize me.

What is wrong with me? Because I'm apparently an insecure loser who moves too fast. What's wrong with me? Please do not take my post to be an invitation to be a jerk to me either.

[Crazy Hitch]

Truthfully I'm grateful he's let you know upfront where he stands, rather than string you along for months and then tell you he's not looking for a commitment. This way, there can be no crossed wires. It doesn't sound like he's ready to commit, he's seeing other woman. And yes, this could be an indication that you two are very different. I think it's time to move on from him.

If he wants to make contact / see you again - let the initiation come from his side.

I do not think this guy really wants to get to know me. We have been talking for like a few months on and off. And I always got an ambivalent feeling from him, that made me feel insecure. I may be clingy, I may be insecure sometimes, but I am working on this. I may not be good at dating. But........who cares? I don't want to date. I want a relationship. Me and this guy....we made out for an hour at the end of the date. And I think.....we really didn't have anything conversation wise to say to each other. He made me uncomfortable when we went to dinner. I found him kind of obnoxious. Not that...I mean I know people need to get to know each other. But I think I don't feel secure bc I haven't been given a reason to feel secure. There are people I do feel secure with. Still, I know I need to work on my self esteem.

I'm not going to contact him again.

I understand that everyone is different when it comes to dating. And I am working on becoming more secure, and feeling better about myself. I think...this means I need to respect my boundaries. I wish I was more secure in dating. So I'm working on this. But...I don't know. Do I need to be more casual and date around? I don't really want to.

I'm sure that we are on different wavelengths. And in different places in life. But whatever. I'm done. I'm not ok with feeling like I like someone, a lot, and they say they like me too, but want to see other women too. It doesn't make me feel good. and I'm not going to have sex with him. Though im sure i will love it. I think I will regret it. And feel bad.

I do want get better at not being clingy and insecure though.

[Sunflower123]

I think it's great that you are respecting your boundaries. Also kudos to you for realizing you and he have opposite destinations at this point so you don't put any more time and energy into someone who is seeing other women when you want a relationship. I think this date gave you valuable information for the future. That's great. Best wishes.

Do you think you felt broken at first because you like him more than you are admitting to yourself? But of course you wouldn't want to put more time and energy into him than he does with you as Jennifer said. You said you are not going to contact him again but if he contacts you--well, you said you are on different wavelengths but sometimes opposites attract (if you go no contact but he calls then he may be attracted to you). Say "yes" if you think you like him and see what happens. No expectations just get to know him.

I agree with other posters. I think you jumped the gun and tried to get into a relationship way too fast. Some of us need to take it slowly.

If I were that guy I would have likely done the same thing. Some of us need time to earn people's trust before we get too close to somebody.

Some people are naturally more cautious and less trusting of people and others have been hurt by other people and as a result, need a chance to build trust. Forcing somebody like that into a commitment so soon is a huge red flag.

I would suggest getting to know him better first.

I wasn't trying to force anybody to do anything. I appreciate your opinion, and agree, if you've read my other posts in this thread. I would never want him, or anyone to change who they are or how they feel, to accommodate me. Unless it was something they freely wanted to do. I'm not into forcing, pressuring others, etc.

I said I realize that I've been clingy and insecure. That means I'm taking responsibility for my actions and thoughts, despite the fact that I have them, and I do think it's ok to be where I am at.

I do think it's ok to express myself and how I feel to others, and ask them what's going on with them. In this case, I liked a guy, more than he liked me, and told him how I felt about him seeing other people, once i found out he was. I think people here are getting too caught up with the fact I went on only one date with him. I know. Please stop telling me what I'm doing wrong. I already know, and to have others say it, just makes me feel bad.

I do thank you, DarknessIsMyFriend. Because that is valuable feedback for me. I don't truly know if he is just taking it slow, or wanting to see multiple people. Or both. I suppose it doesn't matter. I just know how the latter makes me feel. I agree w. the getting to know him better first. I don't know if I will have the chance to now, but I'm ok w. this. Maybe this is all like, practice.

So, because of my confused feelings, I ended up apologizing to him about being clingy and moving so fast. But honestly, I hope he doesn't reply. I think I need a life. I want to hang around people who lift me up and make me feel happy <3. I'd like to get really into something, hobby / passion-wise. I'm out of town right now, with family. There's a lot of nature around. It's beautiful.

[Bill3]

It sounds like he does not lift you up and make you feel happy.

Originally Posted by Bill3

It sounds like he does not lift you up and make you feel happy.

Oh my gosh, this. What you said. Thank you for seeing this. I have a tendency to like, skip over my emotions with some people. I don't know why. Thank you for seeing this. I see it too.

[Bill3]

But honestly, I hope he doesn't reply.

If I could make a suggestion, it would be to have given some thought in advance (if you have not done so already) for what you want to say if he does reply.