[bobo44]

I have a problem with my relationships. I attract relationships, in that i am used and not loved. I never had a relationship, where i was happy, knowing i am the one, i allways love somebody, who loves somebody else. And i even seek for this kind of relationship. I dont know, how to be loved or how to make the other person feel excitement or needeness for me, because i am always needy myself, they can't feel. In a relationship i give thousand chanses to the other one, i forgive everything, its ok, if i am used, i never demand, like in a normal relationship girl should demand and the boy should chase and take care, and i dont need this, i misplace the roles. And its not good from my side, although it looks like i am doing something good for other person, it is somehow even egoistical, like only i want to love, only i want to feel excitement. Its happier for everybody to love, than to feel loved, and i dont give this opportunity to the other. And after i give those thousand chanses and mistreat myself for a long time, i dont feel anything. Like in a normal relationship, the one retriets and the other feels needeness and chases him and then the roles switch and so the feelings, they have to each other grow. In my relationship i chase and allow to be used, till my feelings are totally gone. Like a person, who forgives a lot, leaves at once unexpectedly without regrets. If i would leave earlier, the relationships could have been saved, but i only leave when the feelings are totally gone. I dont have that balance in my relationship. I think a girl should allow to be loved and chased and i never did it. I never let the other one feel like this. And i have this problem for a very long time. Like from the start, all my relationships except the first one started with ons, i never let somebody chase me, its always clear to me from the start, if i want this person or not, i dont have much hesitations, like from the start, if the character passes, if he is a caring, nice, emotional person on one side and positive on the other side, i see i can try it, but i never let them chase. Like it should be a complex person on the one side, to talk about everything, even a little bit needy and cheerfull on the other side, so he can make jokes and is open minded. Then i can feel smth for this person, but i allow to be used and dont want to be loved. If i would really love a person, i would allow this person to feel love too. People are intuitive creatures and i know what this person needs, but i dont give.

[MickeyCheeky]

It sounds like you have a lot to work through.. do you see a therapist?

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I agree with Mickey. A therapist would be useful.

Hello bobo44, I see this is your first post so welcome to PC! I hope you find your time here to be of benefit. Once you have 5 approved posts, you will be able to enter the chat room and talk to fellow members. There is almost always someone online to chat with.

[bobo44]

Hello to all. I attended the specialist. I was treated against depression with mirtagamma. Its something in my mindset, i cant break. When the person leaves or only wants to leave, i feel very much pain. I become very loyal as a person, but its not appreciated, because it is not true. Its probably an exagerated chemical reaction, when i think about another person should come in my life, i feel pain. The person only retreats a little and i have so much pain. I know where the neediness come from, i am needy because of my job and anxious because of it. I had a very long study, i became very fearfull because of it. And that is why i became so 'loyal', like it is normally in our instincts. If the partner leaves, we become pain, because smth in our instincts tells you cant survive without partner. Its normal. But i become too much pain. I also don't have fun in my live, i spend 10 hours on work/ study, i can' t afford to go out. I don't have friends. And that makes me even more pain, when the partner leaves. Because of this 'loyality' i feel sick, when i think, that somebody else will be in my life, but i can't love because of this. It has nothing to do with another person, only with me and my needs. It depends on person, of course, but love becomes more like a addictment to me. When i dont see this person, i am anxious, in pain. And i always feel so guilty after the break up, like i should do smth more for this person and i didn't. It is something with my mindset, that i am convinced, that the person who i love, should divide my pain and the person does it from the start and i become addicted to that understanding, to that sharing, but then he cant anymore, because it is about balance, at the start, it is balanced, at the end i take too much. And i am sorry for that person, i totally understand, if he cant be with me, but then, i feel so much pain and its like circle an i become even more addicted to that person. I sometimes think, i should have a relationship, where i don't love, but let myself be loved, just to learn. To see, what i do to the others. And i planed my last relationship like this actually, but i fell for that person. And i feel quilty, because he tried so much in a relationship. And i didnt have enough time or energy for this. He said from the start, that he sees i am in pain and he will take away this pain.That he will not break me. That everybody wants to break you, and if you will be nice and good to everybody in job, they will only break you and you have to be strong. That he will not only take from me, he will give me smth. That he will do breakfast so i will work and i shouldnt leave him because of work. He cleaned my hoses, he woke up and kissed me in the night and said smth, said he is there, he is not leaving. And i wanted to return it, i didnt return and now we have what we have. Now i am in pain and feel quilty. And thats probably what he felt in his last relationships, he had pain and felt quilty. And i always feel, i cant be loved, that i have no chanses.

[wolfgaze]

Hang in there Bobo...

I have a book recommendation for you, one which may contain some helpful insights for you:

The Mastery Of Love (Don Miguel Ruiz)

[bpdbeth]

i feel the same way