[babygirl123456]

I am in my early 30's. My grandma is in her 90's and both of my parents are in their early 60's. My mom and my dad's mom always had a strained relationship. When my brother and I were kids, we visited our grandparents frequently. My grandmother would sometimes be disrespectful to my mom in small ways, like rolling her eyes at her, or just generally acting like she thought she was dumb. My mom never stuck up for herself, as she just wanted to keep the peace. Now that I'm an adult and I've learned more about my grandma, I realize she was probably depressed. She has confided in me about my grandfather (who passed away when I was a kid) a little, and it sounds like he was not very nice to her for most of their marriage. I think my grandma may have taken her frustration out on my mother during this time, since my mother would never stand up to her. My father also never stood up for my mother, so I blame him in part for this whole situation. As my mom has gotten older she has become more outspoken and less willing to take crap from anyone. When i was a teenager, my grandma
Wrote a letter to my mom apologizing for her behavior over the years. My mom has become very bitter, and even though my grandma doesn't treat her the way she used to (she is usually nice, but occasionally gets a slight attitude. When she gets an attitude now it is not directed at my mother but at everyone in general, due to her being old and cranky.) My mother becomes furious at even the slightest hint of an attitude. She is not mean to my grandma, but later complains to my brother, father, and me. She will bring up the same tiny thing my grandma did once for months. It has gotten to the point that if my grandma even comes up in conversation, she becomes angry. She is resentful any time my father, my brother, or I visit my grandma. She has recently made comments to my brother and I that we didn't visit her mother very much ehen she was alive (we were both in college an working full time during the last few years of her life) so why do we choose to visit our other grandma now? She does not want to see my grandma at all, and on the rare occasion she does (major holidays) she complains about her before and after. My father says she sometimes will not speak to him for a couple days after seeing my grandma. We have have had long conversations and we all acknowledged to my mother that the way my grandma treated her in the past was wrong, and that my dad should have stood up for her. my mother has never been such a bitter and resentful person as she is being now. She has always been the nicest person i know. I don't know what to do. I want to be able to see my grandma without my mom getting angry.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you're in this situation or rather being impacted negatively by a situation outside your control. There's not much you can do but stay neutral. Don't let your mom dictate when you can see your grandmother and shut her completely down when she starts complaining. Good luck and best wishes.