[Amethyst_Stargazer]

I'm very patient and understanding when it comes to my boyfriend. He went through abuse when he was a child and his mother abandoned him. There's times things are really great. Than he'll get distant and push me away. I continue to be there for him, give him advice if he asks and hug him when he's sad. Anytime he's feeling down, I'll check up on him to make sure he's okay. I never demand his time or chase after him because I know that's unhealthy. Whenever I don't hear from him, I give him space and eventually he'll contact me apologizing and saying he was stressed out and tends to shut down. Believe he's just depressed so I can understand this. I do worry about him though and often wonder if he's okay. When I don't hear from him, I keep myself busy with lots of hobbies.

Anytime he's depressed, there's times I can tell that he's worrying and analyzing things. I ask him if he'd like to talk. He'll talk to me at times and other times he'll tell me he's fine. Sometimes I don't know what to do. Any tips? I love him and I hate seeing him suffer. I just hope eventually he won't push me away but I know I can't control what happens. Feel like anytime we get close, he shuts himself off from everything and isolates himself. He loves me and I know he cares but I get confused by some his actions.

Once he said when he was in a bad state of mind, "maybe I should be alone." "I'm crazy." "Everyone leaves me anyways." But he'll be sad and than later he'll tell me he was really sad and he doesn't know why he even said that. I believe him cause he looks confused himself.

[Travelinglady]

Hi, sweetie. I honestly think if you're looking for a good long-term relationship--even marriage--then he's not the one. You're not going to be able to fix him. He needs to be in therapy, if he isn't already. Maybe you can stay a caring friend on some level, but I think you need to be looking for another boyfriend.

Originally Posted by Amethyst_Stargazer

I'm very patient and understanding when it comes to my boyfriend. He went through abuse when he was a child and his mother abandoned him. There's times things are really great. Than he'll get distant and push me away. I continue to be there for him, give him advice if he asks and hug him when he's sad. Anytime he's feeling down, I'll check up on him to make sure he's okay. I never demand his time or chase after him because I know that's unhealthy. Whenever I don't hear from him, I give him space and eventually he'll contact me apologizing and saying he was stressed out and tends to shut down. Believe he's just depressed so I can understand this. I do worry about him though and often wonder if he's okay. When I don't hear from him, I keep myself busy with lots of hobbies.

Anytime he's depressed, there's times I can tell that he's worrying and analyzing things. I ask him if he'd like to talk. He'll talk to me at times and other times he'll tell me he's fine. Sometimes I don't know what to do. Any tips? I love him and I hate seeing him suffer. I just hope eventually he won't push me away but I know I can't control what happens. Feel like anytime we get close, he shuts himself off from everything and isolates himself. He loves me and I know he cares but I get confused by some his actions.

Once he said when he was in a bad state of mind, "maybe I should be alone." "I'm crazy." "Everyone leaves me anyways." But he'll be sad and than later he'll tell me he was really sad and he doesn't know why he even said that. I believe him cause he looks confused himself.

I am no expert on this, So take what I say in stride please, Women are mostly Borderline Personality Disorder, But men can have it too, Maybe you might want to do a quiz to check and see if he has any symptoms, Like I said I am not a expert at all, Its just a thought after what I read about him, Good luck

[Sunflower123]

It might get better with time, your loving attention and most importantly therapy. You are a good person. Can you handle this long term? Maybe you need to go to therapy to clarify some things for yourself. I couldn't be in a relationship that is hot and cold. Good luck to you.

[TishaBuv]

You should think a little more selfishly. Are you enjoying this relationship? Does he meet your needs?

Are you liking always being the patient one and having to keep yourself busy while he is depressed?

Boyfriends become husbands and fathers of your kids.

[connect.the.stars]

The tricky thing about depression is that for someone suffering from it, they tend to push loved ones away under the idea that "I'm undesirable" "Nobody wants to see or spend time with me if I'm depressed" or "I don't want to be a burden to my friends/family".

But pushing people away makes depression worse. You sound like you're very understanding of just how difficult it is for him, and it's great that you want to find ways to help him. But the first step towards his healing process is his own acceptance that he needs help. That desire to seek help needs to come from within himself and unfortunately, this is something you can't do for him. You're already giving him the space he needs and asking if he wants to talk to you. But if he's not able to accept your help or go to friends for support when he needs it the most, his condition may worsen.

Some other folks mentioned above that he should seek medical treatment or therapy. I think those are all fantastic ideas and he should consider giving it a try if he's not already in therapy. Please keep in mind that no matter how much you wish to help him, you are still a human being. One person cannot shoulder all the pain of another and be unaffected by it. You also need to ask for help if you need it

So please take care to look out for yourself By all means if you don't wish to give up, then don't give up on him! I just wish for you to think reasonably about what amount you can take on. Don't agree to more than you have the capacity for, because this could work against your favor.

I'm glad you took the first step to ask us for help Keep asking for help when you need advice. I have faith that you and him can get through it