[Thrillsnick]

I'm sorry for the extremely long post but I'm not sure what else to do and who to tell this to and feel the need to explain this situation in order for anyone to understand it.

Hi, right now in August 2017 I'm 18 years old. Until I was about 10 years old, my mom, at the time of about 30 years old had a divorce with my father. My father was as normal as any other one, he worked a construction job from 6am to 5 pm and worked 5 days a week all season long. My mom had no financial job and i also have a brother younger than me by 4 years. My brother and I have no problem with each other whatsoever.

Me and my dad never had any problems and always got along. My mom and I also never had issues at the time. My father got divorced and my mother at the time, placed all his belongings outside of the apartment and added locks to the apartment door so he couldn't step in the house. As a result, my dad slept in his car for days at a time and still went to work. My mom birthed me when she was either 22 or 23, and my dad was in his 40s and had already had a child with another women whom he's divorced years ago from then. When they divorced, I don't exactly remember what happened afterwards, my mom smoked cigarettes around me and my brother and worked a part time as a bridal attendant. My brother and I attended school and continued our normal lives.

My mom met my now stepdad about 2 years after that divorce and moves in with him within a month and married him within another year and a half or two. During their time together and it was time for me to move onto high school, we moved to northern Westchester from the Bronx, where I've been living since I was born. We transitioned to a new location and I am diagnosed as having general anxiety disorder. I didn't make many friends my freshman year with the right people and was confused as to where I stood in life.

I made friends with someone who smoked marijuana and smoked constantly. I would have my mom drive me to my "friends house to hang out and play games" when I was really going to smoke and drink liquor. She never hesitated to drive me any of those times, but one time I had her drop me off at a nearby basketball court inside a building and I told her I was going inside of there when I was really going off to smoke and drink. I did smoke and drink and never answered my phone from her messages about picking me up, and when I arrived at the location 1 hour later than I told her, drunk and high, she went insane. Also at this time, I've really had no real friends as I have a hard time socializing with new people and didn't like or know how to really make new friends because I've never had to an always had the same friends group since elementary school.

During this time of freshman year, I've also been curious to try substances such as pills and alcohol and weed. I, however, would always research these chemicals and drugs before I ever took them and would do it alone, in my room and as safely as possible. Also, to skip ahead for a moment, I was sent to a 3 mental health hospitals, one for smoking weed and getting into an argument with my mom in freshman year, sophomore year I drank an excessive amount of alcohol and blacked out at my friends and got sent there because they thought I was suicidal (I never was). And the last time was also sophomore year where I wanted and decided to take excessive over the counter meds to get high off of and they thought I was suicidal yet again.


I got into the car and all was okay, but once I got home she extracted the truth from me and I told her the truth willingly and she proceeded to throw things at me including shoes, a jewelery box, and other small things she could find, at my body in the corner of her bedroom while proceeding to tell me every negative word that I am. I would previously always like to her about going to a friends house by riding my bike or having her drive me to their houses often. Since then, she has never trusted me the same.

I was always walking on eggshells around her until I was 16 and then i got my own 2000 honda from my grandma for free. I accidentally drove it without oil for too long and the engine seized up. Cars for me have been a passion since I was 5 years old. I've always had toy cars, hot wheels, watched car shows and was always interested in them since I can remember. After this car seized the engine because of that mistake, nobody would help me get another car of any sort so now it was all on me. That car got sold for $700 and I saved up a few hundred dollars to buy a car within 6 months for $1200. That car was unreliable, and wasn't on the road for that very reason. And because of that, the car I had also failed and the transmission stopped working within a month and the car was rotted out underneath it and it was obviously a bad investment because I was in a rush to buy a car and have fun with it.

After this car stopped working my dad offered to help me fix the car and replace the part that was broken, but within one month, my mom put the car up on ebay and Craigslist and with no requests to buy the car (worth about $500) she sold it to charity when I wasn't home and the car was gone. A few months after that I got to lease a new Honda Civic and had to pay $200 per month while working a part time job at 17 and going to school. I thought I could handle it and I attempted to handle that, and have fun at the same time.

Me, being a car enthusiast cut off the muffler from the bumper to make it sound Louder and to what I personally like, and kept the muffler in the trunk so when the lease should be returned I would have it welded back on and have no incurring fees to pay. My mom and grandma got extremely worried about that situation, and them not being knowledgeable about car modifications thought I was going to damage the car by doing this when in reality, it won't damage the car in any way but reduce the gas mileage slightly and make the car noiser. This combined with getting my first girlfriend around the same exact time was exciting for me and I loved everything.

I loved my girlfriend (and still do one year later) and would see her as often and as much as I can. Which means for me, going out late and staying out with her doing things like seeing movies, going out to eat and occasionally drinking alcohol, but being mindful to our location, amount we're drinking and when I have to drive again so we had fun and stayed safe. I eventually got overwhelmed with paying $200 per month for the car and had trouble doing it all myself plus occasionally paying for part of the $177 insurance if my dad didn't help me pay it to my grandma every month, who's insurance I was under because my mom wants no involvement, and still doesn't, whatsoever "with me and my cars" so she has my grandma take care of it and my dad so she doesn't have to.

My mom is a teacher at this time and makes $70k per year and my stepdad works for Verizon and makes around the same amount or slightly less. She would be willing to use her money towards everything, but when I'm involved with having money spent on me besides food and living at home, she gets angry about it and having to spend her money and me and tries to make me pay not for things I must want, but need.

Food for work, if I need clothes I have to buy some that I want, if I need shaving cream or most things she'd he verbally abusive towards me. Because she doesn't trust me. She eventually took away my car after 3 months and returned her leased car and kept that car that was mine for herself until this day, which had been almost a year. Reasons being I can't keep up with the payments, I don't come home at a reasonable time and I cut off the replaceable muffler and took away my transportation.

As a factor she also refused and wouldnt drive my to places such as my girlfriends house or sometime work, all which is not an easy walking distance on back roads. If I were at my girlfriends house and she was on her way from work she would NOT go 5 minutes out of her way to pick me up and my girlfriends mom had to drive me home or I had to take a bus and walk 2 miles to my house while she sat at home. This want on for months on end from January until about April where then she let me drive the car when she didn't need it, and I would take it out and use it to my advantage because it's been hard to do things in the past 4 months whether that's seeing my girlfriend or walking home from school in the cold every day.

She didn't like that I had a girlfriend and Never invited her over, and presented a secretive dislike of her presence anywhere around her or our house. She never tried to initiate conversations with my girlfriend and Never talks to get to know her, not once. This leads to my girlfriend being uncomfortable being in my house and me being uncomfortable with her in my house so when I would use the car I would go out or go to her house and Never stayed at mine because of that vibe my mom gives off not only to my girlfriend, but also to my friends whenever ive had them over.

My mom doesn't try to get to know anybody that I know and seems to hold a nonsensical grudge against anybody I know and talk to that she doesn't know. I don't feel comfortable being in my own home so when I'm not working or sleeping, I'm out elsewhere being with people that enjoy my own company and with parents that enjoy my company more than my own. This gets her furious and she complains that I'm always out and never home.

My mom has an enormous ego, she thinks she's the queen and tries to run everything like a dictator. She's two faced and turns into a completely different person when we're alone versus when she's with her "friends" or co workers and they think I'm the stupid one because she makes me look like the bad person in every situation and thinks she's always right about everything and tries to make herself look good in front of other people just to spite me and make me feel horrible about my self and who I am.

She disregards my emotions and thinks I play pity for myself or lie about how I feel. If I'm sad she'll never ask me if I'm okay but rather to stop being miserable and be productive and contribute to the family. She thinks I'm always hiding something and being secretive and dont care about anything or anyone. Which isn't true at all and is the reason I have a loving girlfriend whos one year younger than me and mature enough for each other to see us in the future and have a fulfilling future together.

My mom thinks my life is a failing joke and she tells me how I'm going nowhere, I'm lazy and going to be a bum and unsuccessful. She makes me feel terrible about myself and lowers my self-esteem through the ground. Along with anxiety, makes me feel alone. And to have her not seem to care about any of my friends or my girlfriend of a year who's been nothing but nice and respectful, makes me feel even worse. She disregards my feelings and puts me down to make herself feel good.

She favorites my younger brother by a wholesome and could care less if I were to disappear from her life. She make me feel ashamed of myself of who I am and makes me feel worthless of a person and I'm her punching bag. Anything I tell her she thinks is a lie. Anything. Even with proof. She always thinks im lying. Even when I've been seeing a therapist for a year, she thinks I lie to HIM. I see him one on one and talk to him without her. And she claims I lie to him, with no evidence and therefore has stopped me from going there and when I raised the concern to go back there, she wouldn't do it. I'm left alone and the only person by my side is my girlfriend.

My few friends don't and can't help much. I have trouble getting to work at time because she make plans based on what she wants solely, and disregards any of my plans or my work schedule and it makes getting to my job which is several mile away sometimes difficult and almost impossible. She's expressed to me how she's ashamed to be my parent and expressed obvious words that tell me she hates me. And I mean HATE me. She never asks me about how I'm feeling, anything concerning my well being she disregards and is concerned about herself or her car when I use it. I have trouble having fun and doing exciting things at 18 because of these reasons and nothing helps and nobody could fix it and would rather go my own way and not speak to her.

Now, I drink occasionally and safely, I don't smoke anymore, I don't take any drugs anymore and I don't do illegal things I shouldn't be doing besides drinking occasionally with a friend or as a group. My mom cannot let go of a grudge and treats me as if I still do all of these things I did in the past, but I don't.

I have one job and make at most $200 per week and that's at most, usually it's around $150. Therefore ruling out moving out until I get another job or dealing with this neglectful feeling everyday. Thank you for any help, it means a lot.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. I'm sorry you are having such a tough time with your mom. She sounds very angry at you for some reason but she is definitely toxic to you. Be making a realistic plan to get out and away from her (I know you said it's hard right now), treat her with courtesy and respect and keep avoiding her. I wish you the best. Good luck.

[unaluna]

I agree with jennifer. Get out and dont look back. Now that youre 18, anything your parents give you is totally extra. If your dad or grandma can help you make plans, go for it. But the negativity from your mother - get it out of your life. Out, out, out. I wish you the best, you seem pretty sensible. Btw, i almost did the same thing to my first car, with the oil. Nobody tells you these things!