[Depressed-Fiance]

Needing a little advice please.

My new partner of two months sometimes looks after her sisters two young children who are adopted, but here lies the problem I have.

She offers to pick them up and take them out for the day etc. but whenever she drives on the motorway with the kids in the car she always speeds by exceeding the speed limit, quite often doing literally 100MPH on a 70MPH road.

I have been in the car with her when she has reached these speeds and I am not entirely happy with her doing these speeds but my problem is that I haven't said to her that it kind of bothers me.

Do you think she is selfish breaking the speed limit especially with two young children in the car and also myself?

Should I say to her that I'm not comfortable with it?

[dshantel]

She's definitely putting everyone at risk by doing this. I would definitely say something before it is too late. I personally have anxiety issues and cars or any vehicle makes it worse. It's very dangerous going that much over the speed limit alone. Maybe try bringing it up when you're not in the car. You don't want her to get upset while she's driving or in front of the kids. Does it scare the kids? If this is causing you anxiety as well you could talk about that too.

[Depressed-Fiance]

Originally Posted by dshantel

She's definitely putting everyone at risk by doing this. I would definitely say something before it is too late. I personally have anxiety issues and cars or any vehicle makes it worse. It's very dangerous going that much over the speed limit alone. Maybe try bringing it up when you're not in the car. You don't want her to get upset while she's driving or in front of the kids. Does it scare the kids? If this is causing you anxiety as well you could talk about that too.

Thanks for getting in touch.

I will definitely say to her about her speeding because I don't feel safe and like yourself it makes me a bit anxious as well.

You are right, mentioning it when she is not driving is probably the best idea and more sensible.

To be honest, I don't know if it scares the kids as they have never said anything but they are a bit quiet in the car when she is driving.

[dshantel]

They may be quiet out of fear or they may be scared that if they said anything it would upset her. I was that way when I was younger. If I was in the car with someone speeding or texting I was too afraid to say anything as they were adults and I was the kid.

[Depressed-Fiance]

Originally Posted by dshantel

They may be quiet out of fear or they may be scared that if they said anything it would upset her. I was that way when I was younger. If I was in the car with someone speeding or texting I was too afraid to say anything as they were adults and I was the kid.

That is a good point actually, they are maybe quiet out of fear.

Do you think it's worth me having a quiet word with the children to see if they are actually afraid when she is driving so fast or should I just leave it?

[dshantel]

Originally Posted by Depressed-Fiance

That is a good point actually, they are maybe quiet out of fear.

Do you think it's worth me having a quiet word with the children to see if they are actually afraid when she is driving so fast or should I just leave it?

I don't know about asking the kids as it may be seen from her view as you pitting them against her driving. I would talk with her about it first.

[Depressed-Fiance]

Originally Posted by dshantel

I don't know about asking the kids as it may be seen from her view as you pitting them against her driving. I would talk with her about it first.

Thank you.

I'll talk to her about it first.

[Sunflower123]

I'm glad you are going to talk to her. My sister does the same thing and I won't ride with her. In fact, my mom, brother, sister and I were going to an Elton John concert and my sister drove. I was so anxious about it I wrote out an "in case I don't make it back" letter for my daughter and laid it on the bed. No joke. That's just dangerous. Good luck with your talk and best wishes.

[fuzzyowleyez]

I have also had to deal with this issue. The others are probably right that the kids are silent out of fear. When my dad used to drive like that with me in the car I would be very quiet, sometimes I still have nightmares about being driven around recklessly.

Are you selfish for being in the car while children's lives are being put at risk and not saying anything? Speak up dude....your life and the lives of others may be riding on it.

[Depressed-Fiance]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

I'm glad you are going to talk to her. My sister does the same thing and I won't ride with her. In fact, my mom, brother, sister and I were going to an Elton John concert and my sister drove. I was so anxious about it I wrote out an "in case I don't make it back" letter for my daughter and laid it on the bed. No joke. That's just dangerous. Good luck with your talk and best wishes.

I've made the occasional reference to her about her speed by saying that it's not a race track but she just laughs it off and doesn't seem to care, that's the impression I am getting from her reaction and attitude.

[Depressed-Fiance]

Originally Posted by fuzzyowleyez

I have also had to deal with this issue. The others are probably right that the kids are silent out of fear. When my dad used to drive like that with me in the car I would be very quiet, sometimes I still have nightmares about being driven around recklessly.

It's downright disgusting speeding. Not only that but when children are in the car makes it worse.

She seems to have no regard for any of us and will speed at any opportunity she gets.

It's very worrying.

[Crazy Hitch]

YES you need to let her know it's not okay.

I would be absolutely downright furious if my kids got into someone's car and they sped!!!

[Depressed-Fiance]

Originally Posted by ElsaMars

Are you selfish for being in the car while children's lives are being put at risk and not saying anything? Speak up dude....your life and the lives of others may be riding on it.

I don't know if I am or not?

Like I said before, I will talk to her about this and hopefully she will not speed in the future.

[Depressed-Fiance]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

YES you need to let her know it's not okay.

I would be absolutely downright furious if my kids got into someone's car and they sped!!!

I will sit her down and talk to her about this.

It's time I spoke up and if she doesn't like what I am saying and gets all defensive then she really isn't worth being with don't you think?

[Depressed-Fiance]

Something else I should have pointed out.

My partner also drives sometimes at low speeds and even when doing 100MPH looking at her mobile phone, this is despite her car having Bluetooth installed to use her phone hands free and safely.

Even some of her family know she drives fast because they call her Speedy Gonzalez and when I mentioned to them that her driving frightens me a bit they acted like they weren't surprised and knew she drove at those speeds.

I basically wanted to chat on here before I go and confront her myself directly.

It's really helping on here with everyone commenting and sharing their thoughts, keep them coming please!

[divine1966]

I am concerned about you finding these women who you have so many concerns about. Just very recently you were complaining about your fiancée (she sounded abusive), you were even posting a lot about her when it was all over.

Now very shortly after those posts you are with another woman all of a sudden, and again things are bothering you. Could it be that you jump into things too quick?

Don't give yourself time to heal from past relationships? Are attracted to wrong women? You get involved with these women too quick? Are you seeing a therapist?