[Pflaumenkeks]

all the daily stuff, the dull everyday life.
How do you keep the romance?

This is the longest relationship I've been in. In the past, I always reached a point were I outgrew (?) my relationships. But back then, there was also always a toxic part, abuse and stuff, so I felt good leaving.
Now I don't find these elements and I'm affraid that it's just the stuff all parents have to go through. Combined with the complex concept of love in a relationship. The point I never reached, because after the first rush (often intensified via hypomania) I noticed the abuse and left.

I've been together with my current partner for 5 years. Our child is 4, so we kind of had to rush into the whole living together thing etc. The first years were so full of stuff, like moving to another country (twice for me), having a baby, new job, gender stuff, ... I wonder if we would have stayed together without it.

Normally I think I would have ended it long ago.
But having a child and a partner that is financially dependent on me (at leat at the moment, and due to depression he is not very successfull in finding a job), I stayed. He also has been there for me - a lot.
And, oh gosh I'm not an easy partner and he never gave me the feeling of being too much to handle.

tbh, in my everyday life I'm distracted enough to not think about it that much. But at the moment he is visiting his family and we've been separated since last tuesday and.. I'm feeling very good. And I hate myself because I don't miss him. But he does miss us.

He is good with words, so he often tells me how much he loves me and this relationship and all that stuff.
And long before I even started thinking about something like breaking up, he got into the habbit of explicitly asking me for reassurance, which is something that triggers a lot in me, but I'd feel like a bad partner if I'd try to deny my partner this form of expressing his need.
At the same time it puts me into a position were I feel like I couldn't talk with him about all this feelings that I have about this relationship.

How do parents stay partner? How do long relationships work? I'm having trouble forming deep bonds with other ppl and I constantly want to run. From everything. So maybe it's just my ****** personality? I'll turn 30 next year, is this just my late quarterlife crisis ? Maybe I'm just an egoistic and ungrateful piece of ***** who uses people as long as they need them. Maybe I'm just incapable of this deep relationship love, as I've never experienced something that felt the way other couples look like from the outside.
All this is spinning in my head right now and I'm not entirely sure what to do.

Also I really really would like this to work. I like him and bc of all the times he was there for me, a part of me things it's now my turn to bring him back on his feet. And I don't know what would be different in another relationship as this emotion bonding thing is a more general problem. So I'd like to keep the relationship with the partner I like and who treats me good (and is apparently happy with me).

I'm just not sure how.

And I'm afraid to talk to anyone about this stuff because I think they will tell me to leave. But first I'd like to try a bit harder...? Leaving a bunch of abusive relationships has also the downside of feeling like a quitter, and I just don't want to quit on him like this?

Would you consider doing couples counselling?

[Sunflower123]

You could try individual and couples counseling. You don't sound like you're in a place of leaving him and if a therapist suggests that you can ignore them. It wouldn't hurt to seek therapy for yourself to get to the bottom of your feelings. Good luck.

[Pflaumenkeks]

i'm in long term therapy (haven't seen her in a while because we both went in vacation), but it's not so easy to get him seeking therapy too.

And tbh, I'm afraid of couples counselling. openig up to a professional is not a big deal for me, but doing it in front of my partner.. it scares me. Has anyone experience with this?