[lkg2188]

Hi,

Sorry if this is in the wrong forum but I was hoping for some advice?

I learned a couple of hours ago that my friend's baby won't carry to term. She is heartbroken and so is her partner.

I'm not in a position to provide support financially but I want to be there for them. She's also my colleague so I have offered to cover for her at work and be the messenger / let the team know and all that. I've also asked her to call me anytime if she needs to talk, even 2am...

But is there anything else I can do to offer support both short and long term? I also don't want to be too intrusive so I'm not sure what the balance is (if that makes sense)

Thanks

[Miss Laura]

My friends lost their baby girl at 28 weeks 6 years ago. It was tough for us as friends as we didn't know what to do or say. It's such a sensitive subject. Just be there for your friend. Go for coffee or go food shopping for her. Its the small things that will be appreciated

[lkg2188]

Thanks...maybe I'll also wait till she's ready to talk about it again. I won't push her...might be triggering?

[eskielover]

It's the death of a child. They need to go through the grief process & just being there for them. Taking over food may be of help at least at the beginning......but the best thing is just being there to listen as she/they process their grief in the loss of their child/baby. That is the best support possible....a listening & understanding ear.".sometimes there are just no appropriate words

[Sunflower123]

My sister and I were pregnant at the same time. I miscarried. Not only did she not acknowledge it but she brought out her and her husband's baby pictures to see what the baby might look like.

You're doing the right things for your friend. Continue being a caring, supportive shoulder to cry on as she grieves.

[lkg2188]

Thanks guys...I really hope she and her partner go through this ok.

I can't imagine what they are going through since I've never had a child but as you say I will try my best to be there for them

[Coffeemaker1]

It is so kind of you to ask this question! You are a good friend.

I have had two miscarriages. The first was my first pregnancy, and it was the hardest. My advice is to say very little beyond "I am sorry" and "I am here to listen whenever you need to talk" and "I love you and my heart breaks for you." Just hold space for your friend.

Really, anything people said to me to make me feel better had the opposite effect: "You can try again", "This wasn't really a good time to have a baby with your busy work schedule anyway, right?", "Someday you will have a baby, I just know you will."

I have since lost my mother, and I truly appreciated people's words of love and support, no matter how awkward, and knew they were coming from a good place. With the miscarriages, it was different -- I was particularly sensitive about the words people used with me. Strange! Maybe it's just a matter of accumulating more life experience and loss.