I am almost 47 (will be this month). I've lived with my parents for the last four years (nearly). I moved out for four months recently, but had to move right back in due to a job reduction.

I am used to being independent and have been for most of my life. I lived alone before this for at least 10 years. And many years before that, but with roommates.

The reason why I had to move in with them in the first place was due to a mental breakdown I had in California and a two-week long hospitalization, whereby I had to leave the apartment I was living in and nearly became homeless. My father flew to California to pack up my belongings and bring me home (thankfully).

Then I stayed because I had to recover, find work and pay off all of my financial debt (nearly $12,000). I am now almost debt free and am looking for full-time work (again).

But this is really getting to me. While I love my parents fully, they are supportive of me, we get along very well, and I am deeply very grateful I have a place to live, I have none of my own belongings around me in my living space except my clothes. I share my living quarters with my parents, and I don't have a door that I can close for privacy.

I realized the other night that I probably would do many other things at home besides watch TV if I were on my own again. I cannot even play music loudly and dance alone like I used to. I have to use headphones.

I worry that my mental health is being impacted by this long-term living arrangement. Not to mention, it's really embarrassing to tell people I meet that I live with my parents at my age.

It also impacts my ability to feel independent, in general. While I do my own thing each week, I get out and see my friends, I am still not independent.

And my self-esteem is suffering too, along with my happiness level.

Anyone else have a similar situation, where you very much want to be independent but cannot due to life circumstances??? Not just due to a mental illness, but due to life circumstances that make it impossible to be on your own?

Argh. I think my spirit has been slowly dying over time because of this. It's really wearing on me. :/

PS. I failed to mention that they want to sell the house by Spring, so the pressure is now really on me to get a full-time job and move out.... all depends on finding a job right now - argh.

[Sunflower123]

I do understand. I turned 50 this year and have lived with my mom for financial reasons (on disability for MI) for five years. It's a hard fall from being a totally independent CPA with a nice house, a nice car and a good retirement. I am fortunate that my mom is engaged (at 82) and is gone about 70% of the time with her fiancée and my daughter has gone off to college. The other person who is living here is my brother who at 54 has had multiple heart attacks and severe diabetes so he's mostly in his room reading.

My main complaint is that they are clutter bugs and messy and I'm almost OCD about neatness. That really impacts my mental health badly. I don't function optimally in that environment.

Yes, it's embarrassing to live with your parents especially if you have friends who think you should be totally independent or else you're being enabled. I tried to move out last month and my mom was very upset. Her plan is to leave me the house when she passes so I can stay and care for my brother. That helps me feel less embarrassed. It works for me as I grew up here and it's a nice house. True, it is still embarrassing.

I totally understand your frustrations and decreased self esteem. You are playing the cards you've been dealt with courage and grace. This is only temporary for you.

Jennifer, thank you so much for sharing your story, for your kind words and sympathy. (((Hugs)))

If you tried to move out, is that what you truly would prefer? And if the messiness impacts your own mental health, would it be better for you to be on your own, at least until your mom leaves her house to you? Just curious since it seemed you wanted to move out, but then didn't because your mom got upset. That doesn't seem too fair, though I understand about your sick brother perhaps complicating matters. She is lucky you are there to help watch over him.

Yes, my situation will be temporary. It's just sometimes, I go a bit nuts. I try not to think about it too often, but when I do, I go stir crazy mad and get very frustrated and upset. I try to focus on all the positives and to be grateful to my parents as much as possible. After all, they are helping me out during a great time of need.

It's just right now, I am beyond wanting a full-time job and wanting to move out. I need this to happen SOON. I have two interviews this week and pray that one of them works out.

Thanks so much again!

[Teddy Bear]

I live with my brother. I would like to have my own place.

[Sunflower123]

Yes, in my heart of hearts, I want my own place. I don't even want roommates. I would just be freer and I'd feel better. I'm an introvert and my mom is a big talker and sometimes I honestly think I'm losing my mind so I really understand you there.

I'm sending good vibes your way that one or both of those interviews works out for you. Good luck and best wishes.

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

Yes, in my heart of hearts, I want my own place. I don't even want roommates. I would just be freer and I'd feel better. I'm an introvert and my mom is a big talker and sometimes I honestly think I'm losing my mind so I really understand you there.

I'm sending good vibes your way that one or both of those interviews works out for you. Good luck and best wishes.

I hope you get your own place one day then! Seems that really would be best for you overall. I totally get it when your family member doesn't stop talking and it driving you mad. My mother yells up the stairs to me on a daily basis, from the first floor to the 3rd floor, where I live. I can't stand it and just want to be left alone most of the time!

Thanks so much for the good vibes!!! Much appreciated. (((hugs))))

[Shazerac]

your reason for living with your parents are valid, they helped you in a time of need.

I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. Many people lives with parents for assorted reasons. In many cultures it actually the norm. Really it's nobody's why you live with the parents.

You understand why you are there and are making plans to become independent again. Seeing as the reason you live them is because you had a breakdown, I imagine it must be pretty scary to head out on your own again.

Hopefully you are in much more stable place now. I wish all the best and hope you get a great job soon.

Originally Posted by Shazerac

your reason for living with your parents are valid, they helped you in a time of need.

I don't think it's anything to be ashamed of. Many people lives with parents for assorted reasons. In many cultures it actually the norm. Really it's nobody's why you live with the parents.

You understand why you are there and are making plans to become independent again. Seeing as the reason you live them is because you had a breakdown, I imagine it must be pretty scary to head out on your own again.

Hopefully you are in much more stable place now. I wish all the best and hope you get a great job soon.

Thanks very much!

Yes, the reasons are valid and the goal is to be independent again.

I am definitely far more stable than I was, and yes, in a way, I am a little scared to be on my own again.

However, I will not move out of state again all on my own where that kind of breakdown could repeat itself, away from family and friends. I need my support system around me, I have learned, and it is all here where I live now.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry this is affecting your mental health. Please, don't feel ashamed because of this.. you have many great qualities. I'm sure many people are in your same situation, so you're not alone.

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I'm sorry this is affecting your mental health. Please, don't feel ashamed because of this.. you have many great qualities. I'm sure many people are in your same situation, so you're not alone.

Thanks so much.... it's just hard when all my friends are in very different positions in life. I try not to compare mine to theirs, it's just hard.

I know I am not alone, though, and I do try to focus on all the positives in my life as there are several.

I should just focus on being grateful to my parents, for if they hadn't been around, I don't know where I would be right now - probably would have been in a shelter in California struggling.

[divine1966]

Nothing embarrassing living with family. Lots of cultures do it routinely several generation sharing a house.

Saying that I know that my emotional health would go downhill if I lived with my parents. I'd rather go into shelter. My dad is way too difficult. And our life styles just don't match. My parents are messy, like loud tv and clutter. I like quiet and clean. I am opposite of that.

I never lived with my parents in adulthood, last time time I lived wotj them I was maybe 19. In fact one time my parents stated in MY house because they were between houses at the moment, it was the longest 3 months in my life. It was way too difficult, my daughter was 7 at the time and she asked "when are they moving out already?" Lol She got used to clean and quiet houses at both mine and her dad houses and it was too much.

I also never lived with roommates. Those would be the worst. I think roomates would suck. With the exception of few years here and there of being married or having long time boyfriend I always lived alone or with my daughter before she went to college.

Saying all that I think solution might be subsidized housing. Subsidized apartments aren't bad. They are nice size etc I'd go for it. Have you tried to apply for something like that?

[divine1966]

Nothing embarrassing living with family. Lots of cultures do it routinely several generation sharing a house.

Saying that I know that my emotional health would go downhill if I lived with my parents. I'd rather go into shelter. My dad is way too difficult. And our life styles just don't match. My parents are messy, like loud tv and clutter. I like quiet and clean. I am opposite of that.

I never lived with my parents in adulthood, last time time I lived wotj them I was maybe 19. In fact one time my parents stated in MY house because they were between houses at the moment, it was the longest 3 months in my life. It was way too difficult, my daughter was 7 at the time and she asked "when are they moving out already?" Lol She got used to clean and quiet houses at both mine and her dad houses and it was too much.

I also never lived with roommates. Those would be the worst. I think roomates would suck. With the exception of few years here and there of being married or having long time boyfriend I always lived alone or with my daughter before she went to college.

Saying all that I think solution might be subsidized housing. Subsidized apartments aren't bad. They are nice size etc I'd go for it. Have you tried to apply for something like that?

Originally Posted by divine1966

Nothing embarrassing living with family. Lots of cultures do it routinely several generation sharing a house.

Saying that I know that my emotional health would go downhill if I lived with my parents. I'd rather go into shelter. My dad is way too difficult. And our life styles just don't match. My parents are messy, like loud tv and clutter. I like quiet and clean. I am opposite of that.

I never lived with my parents in adulthood, last time time I lived wotj them I was maybe 19. In fact one time my parents stated in MY house because they were between houses at the moment, it was the longest 3 months in my life. It was way too difficult, my daughter was 7 at the time and she asked "when are they moving out already?" Lol She got used to clean and quiet houses at both mine and her dad houses and it was too much.

I also never lived with roommates. Those would be the worst. I think roomates would suck. With the exception of few years here and there of being married or having long time boyfriend I always lived alone or with my daughter before she went to college.

Saying all that I think solution might be subsidized housing. Subsidized apartments aren't bad. They are nice size etc I'd go for it. Have you tried to apply for something like that?

Yeah, it sounds like that would be difficult had you lived with your parents longer term.

I cannot get subsidized housing since I work part-time and have too high of a salary. That's more for people on SSDI who cannot afford an apartment.

Once I get a full-time job again, I can move out... it's just a matter of when since I've looked for a whole year now!!! Argh. :/

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Yeah, it sounds like that would be difficult had you lived with your parents longer term.

I cannot get subsidized housing since I work part-time and have too high of a salary. That's more for people on SSDI who cannot afford an apartment.

Once I get a full-time job again, I can move out... it's just a matter of when since I've looked for a whole year now!!! Argh. :/

I know some people in low income or subsidized housing and they aren't on SSDI, just low income. But if it's not for you, what about two part time jobs? I did that for few years when full time job wasn't available. Hours can add up to 40 total or even more! Just a thought. Good for you getting rid of debt. I have ton of debt. No end in sight.

Originally Posted by divine1966

I know some people in low income or subsidized housing and they aren't on SSDI, just low income. But if it's not for you, what about two part time jobs? I did that for few years when full time job wasn't available. Hours can add up to 40 total or even more! Just a thought. Good for you getting rid of debt. I have ton of debt. No end in sight.

Thanks, Divine. I think it's really hard to get subsidized housing here anyways, but I'm not 100% sure. My goal is to get a full-time job & leave my current job ASAP so two part time jobs won't work too well. My current P/T job SUCKS big time and I want to leave, so I'm working hard at getting a F/T job. Basically, I have to suck it up until I get work and can move out. :/

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by golden_eve

Thanks, Divine. I think it's really hard to get subsidized housing here anyways, but I'm not 100% sure. My goal is to get a full-time job & leave my current job ASAP so two part time jobs won't work too well. My current P/T job SUCKS big time and I want to leave, so I'm working hard at getting a F/T job. Basically, I have to suck it up until I get work and can move out. :/

Good luck! Hang in there!

Originally Posted by divine1966

Good luck! Hang in there!

Thank you!