Partner cheated on me after 8 years!

I really don't know what's going on with my partner and I need some advice
About 2 weeks ago I found out my partner was cheating or betrayed me whatever you want to call it.
I found out by looking at his phone history on google and.he was on a sex chat website taking naked photos of himself and also was looking at porn.
I thought to myself who have I been with for the last 8 years.
We are still together but I don't trust him. He has been reading this book called " No Mr Nice Guy" that my therapist recommend him to read. I constantly check his phone to see if he has done it again, I really don't like living anxiously and worrying that he will do it again.
Its chaotic inside of me.

My point is he started to open up to me and told me this
I don't know what to make out of it. Its a bit concerning because Im thinking am I with a person who could develop to a sex offender?
He told me when he was 15,16 that he would masterbate in the backyard and also climbed over the fence to neighbours and did it there too. They went on to say at age of 20,22 they went in a bush and masterbated while seeing people going for a bush walk. They masterbated out on the deck too, they said it stopped when they meet me.
But still Im a bit concerned.
I don't know what to make out of this.

I don't think jump the gun to him becoming a sex offender. They're two entirely different entities.

As for his behaviour when he was younger? He was young and immature and probably thought he was having a bit of fun but has likely stopped as he said.

I'm probably a biased one to speak about porn. I watch it. I don't consider it cheating.

As for swapping nude pics? That's a no no and it needs to stop.

There are a couple of things here.
I guess it depends on your perspective but viewing pornography and phoning chat lines is, for most a very seperate issue to cheating and infidelity.

One is done to the exclusion of your partner, the other can often be done with your partner in mind. Admittedly not always. But most men and some women go through phases of curiosity or desire to experience something new and pornography is an easily accessible, and largely accepted way of exploring your sexuality.
What he definitely isn't is some deviant or borderline sex offender.
(My partner is a RSO, I am familiar with the behaviour.I have also done alot of work with online SO's.)

What it does sound like is that your partners has particular fantasies that he hasn't felt able to share with you, as he is perhaps ashamed of his desires.
Would you be able to talk these through with him or is this a topic you yourself find difficult to discuss.?
Is it possible you could both see a relationship or sex therapist together to discuss this.?

I hope you are able to work things through and wish you all the best for the future.

((((Hugs))))) Sorry you are dealing with this. I agree with Crazy Hitch that him possibly becoming a sex offender is an entirely different animal all by itself. That's anxiety running away....

If he is swapping naked/dirty pics with women and he is chatting dirty online, that is a form of cheating, imo, and is just as real as if it were in person.

Many men look at porn, even while in a relationship, and many would say that is perfectly normal. I personally do not want that in my own relationships, so I steer clear of men who watch it, which narrows down my dating pool to a few. My current boyfriend hates porn, and I love him for that, and I know he feels the same exact way as me about it.

I digress.... the main point is about you, your relationship, how you feel about it all, the anxieties you now face and the mistrust you feel. His behavior when younger shows a bit of voyeurism or perhaps fetishness (?), stepping out of the norm, and would be a bit concerning to me given his present behavior.

I wouldn't trust him either and probably would break it off if I found out my guy was sending naked pics to women and on a sex chat site. I wouldn't want to live with the constant mistrust, which may never go away, or the anxiety about what else he may do.

But that's just me. It's a long-term relationship, and therefore, probably will take much thought and consideration given your history and length of time together. I hope you can come to some peace and resolution about this, either way. (((((Hugs)))))

I agree with golden. What he did when he was young and immature doesn't make him a sex offender. What he is doing now is inappropriate and highly disrespect to you. It needs to stop pronto. Can you talk to him about this? Sending big hugs.

The line was crossed with sex chat and sharing naked photos with a real person. That is essentially cheating.

With the Porn, you have to consider what your own opinion of it is, as no one here can really give a final answer as to whether it's right or wrong in your relationship to allow it. And those views will vary, but it's an individual choice/value. I will only say that regardless of what each individual thinks of the behavior itself, it is different from actually interacting with another person - whether in chat, video, or real life. porn lacks the interaction with a real live person on the other end so I don't believe it's the same as cheating.

As for his past I wouldn't worry about it, it's in the past and they were young. Doesn't mean they do that or would do that now.

Sharing naked pics is definitely no good.. you need to address this fact with him.

It won't get any better, and it isn't your fault. It isn't because you aren't a good enough partner, or you don't meet his needs, or you're not fill in the blank enough. Do not let him place one ounce of blame on you, which he will most likely try to do.

If you can be okay, for the rest of your life, knowing that your partner does these things, then you are in the right relationship for you. If you know that you do not want a partner who does these things and crosses boundary lines and behaves in a sexual way behind your back, then it is time to pry yourself loose. If you do not want this kind of activity going on in your home, then please know - it will not get better, and it was going on long before you came into the picture.

You cannot change him, you cannot save him. You are only responsible for yourself. He is responsible for himself and for honoring what his partner needs. If he cannot do that, then start taking care of yourself, and protecting your heart. Addiction damages everyone.

I should point out, you are under no obligation to accept his behaviour.
Nor should you feel pressured to put up with something that makes you uncomfortable.
Which is why I asked if it was something you felt able to discuss.
Whilst I don't see his behaviour as particularly out of line, it is for you.
Sexual preference isn't really something that is easily changed, and so long as your not hurting anyone there's no need to.
What needs to be established, is can you live with this having happened and now hovering over you.
As has been said, you know what is acceptable for you within the bounds of a relationship. I suggest you stand by that.
Not everyone is compatible in all respects, but this is what we learn by being involved with someone. It's a constant learning curve, and experience for growth.

Imho only, the paradox lies in would you know this information if you didn't go thru his phone.
Do you think he would've told you this information on his own.

Gothicpear, your comments are not based on facts. They seem to be a personal emotional response that applies concretely only in your experience.
You do not know the dynamics of their relationship.
Vilifying her partner is not helpful and neither is your hardline advice.
Blue, you obviously have the power to make the choice you feel is right.

Sucks that you have 8 years invested in your relationship, I cant tell you what you should do ...

But.... I would leave it.. My first husband cheated. There was no way for me to get past it. I tired but I just could not..

Are you in Therapy? If not I suggest it , you could use some help processing all this

Wow this is grim reaper stuff! Yikes

In my opinion you kind of need to take it from here. What he did when he was a teenager may have been over the top, but I don't think he qualifies as a sex offender.

What's important is what's going on now. Have you been having some uncomfortable feelings or suspicions that led to you to check his phone?

Some people view sexual behavior online as cheating others don't. I'm not going to get into that debate.

That book No More Mister Nice Guy is about getting your needs met. Maybe he's exploring.

However you have every right to consider this and whether or not YOU are OK with it. Yes he has a right to get his needs met, but not necessarily in a relationship with someone who does feels internet sexual behavior is cheating.

You 2 need to have a serious talk and establish guidelines going forward. If you're not ok with the online sex stuff, make that clear. If he thinks that he needs or has a right to do that anyway. Then you both have a decision to make about whether or not your relationship is still viable.