because I've had ECT.

A while ago I was thinking about death and funerals and stuff, and I realized that when my maternal grandfather died a few years ago, a lot of people had fond memories to share about him. Thing is, I had a lot of ECT done (51 treatments) and I lost almost all my (episodical) memory - as in, I barely remember anything about my life before the treatments. And now two of my grandparents are in a nursing home and one in an assisted living facility. I go see them every once in a while, but it's almost impossible to converse with those in the nursing home, because they are almost deaf (even with hearing aids) and very forgetful/lacking understanding of the world (for example, this summer school was out and when I told them I had vacation they didn't understand that meant I didn't have school). Let alone take them anywhere, or do anything. When they throw a party (basically on their birthdays they have my aunt invite the whole family to the party hall of the facility, then sit in a corner and watch) I show up for an hour or so because I know it makes them happy (too much stimulus for me to stay more than about an hour) but that's not really a happy memory either. So basically, I have no happy memories of my grandparents, and no way to create them. And sometime in the future they'll be dead and I'll have nothing to say at their funeral.

(When I discussed this with my parents they said that it's unlikely there'll be any stories shared at their funerals - they are not the kind of people to share stories of any kind at funerals, whatever that means. But it still makes me feel bad.)

I hope I posted this in the right forum.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry that you've suffered memory loss.

I think what's more important is the positive impact you have, just by being there on those special occasions. Many old people don't get that, and they get almost "abandoned" in old age/facility care. It's the little things that count.

I don't think you'll have to "say" anything per say at the funeral, and if anything, you can make reference to how you've visited them on these occasions.

[Sunflower123]

I agree. Sending big hugs.

[Shazerac]

sorry you don't have more memories of your grand parents
You won't have to say anything at the funeral.

[emgreen]

The reason the memories didn't last for you was a result of you trying to heal yourself. I'm sure that's what your grandparents want for you. You obviously love them, & your periodic visits display that to them...There's no bigger gift.

[crimsoncat]

Hi ,maybe there are photographs of you with your grandparents that may trigger a memory? Or if not may still bring you enjoyment to look at perhaps it might be worth asking some family members if they know of any. Best wishes .