[Klrhrmnn]

With my GF i had an amazing 7 months and then a weird 3 weeks. We were extremely attached to each other and then i went on a 3 week holiday to my home country(we're both foreign students abroad). When i was away, she had a crush on a guy that, funnily enough, looked exactly like me physically. In any case, she dealt with him, removed him from her life(he was working in the same research group with her, she finished working there and left the group, deleted contact etc) but then hit me with " we are not independant in this relationship anymore,at times i feel pressured by you, i want some time to stay single and figure out what i want, who i am. From what ive been reading on relationship forums, the usual from GF's. Except shes not interested at all in meeting new guys, shes extremely busy with her new internship and said it'll either be me or single for a really long time.

During this time, i also reflected a lot on myself and realized that before her, i was alone but not at all lonely and i had so much stuff to do, 24 hours a day wasnt enough for me, so much that in the first 3 months i'd push her away at times to be able spend time alone on my things. Then i realized towards the end i became a person who couldnt live without her, that i was extremely miserable alone and lost joy in nearly everything i liked to do alone before her.

So i opened up to her on this and we reached an agreement where we spend time together as usual, cooking, watching stuff, going to places except we never talk about relationship stuff for a while, we dont put any pressure onto each other and we see what we feel after some time. And then we proceded to cook together and watch a movie while being very intimate. And we talk and text through out the day as usual. We still see each other every other night as before.

One thing that occured to me on my part was that i went from "i like you" to "i want you" and then to "i need you, cant be without you". This 3rd stage I am not happy with and we talked if we can go back to "I want you" again, we'd call ourselves GF/BF again. At the same time, i started training in the gym, starting going more hardcore on my cycling, picked up couple new hobbies like drawing and writing short stories and whenever i feel miserable i go out for a walk or cycling.
We are very good friends, romantic or not, we really enjoy doing stuff together and after everything i still see her as someone who i could spend my life with.

Thing is, at times i question myself about whether spending time and being intimate is an indication that we'll get back together or if shes just used to my care so she doesnt mind. If we can improve ourselves and get together again without being too needy of each other, i'd like that. I still have romantic feelings for her. Also staying just friends would be too painful for me. It's a weird dilemma. There are romantic feelings, but we turned into two people who couldnt be happy with their ownselves alone.

Also i'd like to add that in the 10months since we got to know each other and 8 months we were romantically involved, we never had a single argument that lasted more than 15minutes and wasnt solved by talking calmly. We never once yelled at each other, never said a one single bad word to each other. To me and to everyone who knew us, it seemed like we were a perfect couple, at least from the outside.

TLDR : We didnt like who we turned into in the relationship so decided to take a break to get back our individuality, as weird as that sounds. It's killing me that I cant see whether we'll improve and be happy together again.

I'd like to hear your thoughts on this.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC.