[rdgrad15]

Is it true that people who say they are not judgmental are actually the most likely to be judgmental? I am starting to think this is the case since I've known several people throughout the years that would say they are not judgmental and are actually afraid to be judged and hate people who judge others, yet they are judgmental themselves. It makes me think they just hate other people who are the same way as them because they see their own flaws in someone else which they can't stand. I've also known a couple people who were overly judgmetal and will claim they are just simply being honest to hide their true nature since there is a difference between tactful honesty and unnecessary criticism.

Nowadays when someone claims they are not judgmental, I am more cautious of them since I know there is a higher chance of them being judgmental or overly critical of others than people who don't go around telling people that. It is like they are trying very hard to hide a personality flaw in the,, which eventually backfires on them since not only do they eventually show their overly critical side, but will also talk crap about other people who the person believes are judgmental themselves. Do you think people who constantly talk about how they are not judgmental and even claim they can't stand other people who are that way are trying too hard to hide a flaw in them? Just curious.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

...people...say they are not judgmental and are actually afraid to be judged...makes me think they...see their own flaws in someone else...

Possibly, and maybe along with trying to help promote some overall tolerance amongst all people.

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

...people who were overly judgmental and will claim they are just simply being honest...[but] there is a difference between tactful honesty and unnecessary criticism.

Possibly trying to make themselves either feel good or look good without fully realizing the harm (even to themselves) of doing that at the expense of others.

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Do you think people who constantly talk about how they are not judgmental and even claim they can't stand other people who are that way are trying too hard to hide a flaw in them?

Possibly, and with that flaw also possibly being a matter of morality.

[Yzen]

I don't think it is an all or nothing personality trait. I think people do a lot of judging unconsciously. Even in simple things like picking which person you go to in a check out line at the grocery. So, I wonder if people that declare they are not judgmental are more on the unaware side of how much they judge...whereas, those that are more aware aren't likely to make that statement. Just some thoughts.....it is an interesting question.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Yzen

I don't think it is an all or nothing personality trait. I think people do a lot of judging unconsciously. Even in simple things like picking which person you go to in a check out line at the grocery. So, I wonder if people that declare they are not judgmental are more on the unaware side of how much they judge...whereas, those that are more aware aren't likely to make that statement. Just some thoughts.....it is an interesting question.

Never thought of it that way. Yeah that is a good possibility as well.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Possibly, and maybe along with trying to help promote some overall tolerance amongst all people.

Possibly trying to make themselves either feel good or look good without fully realizing the harm (even to themselves) of doing that at the expense of others.

Possibly, and with that flaw also possibly being a matter of morality.

Yeah makes sense.

[Sunflower123]

I use that statement rarely but I do use it when people want or need to confide in me and are worried about being judged. I say that to put them at ease because I am not judgemental. If you’ve read any of my posts, I think this comes through.

Some of us really mean it when we say it. I’m sorry this hasn’t been your experience. Sounds like they are judgmental and hypocritical as well.

They're already judging themselves when saying "I am not judgmental".
Me: "So why are you judging yourself?"
I wish to say that one day

[All Is Revealed]

It would be nice to live in a fantasy world where no one judged because everyone was perfect. In the real world, everyone judges.

Unfortunately, everyone I met who stated "I don't judge" were the most judgmental people I met.

Best thing to do is to avoid people who constantly judge you. Instead, spend time with people who appreciate you.

[seesaw]

Sometimes I use that phrase when someone comes to me for advice and I'm trying to be honest but want them to understand something that may be difficult to hear. I mean, so yes, you are judging even when you use that statement, because you are only able to speak your opinion, but what I mean by it is that I'm not intending to be critical or negative, but to provide the feedback in an empathetic way.

For example, if someone at work asks me for feedback on a project, I try to judge the project based on what it's trying to accomplish and also give them feedback to make changes but also to not make them feel bad if the project isn't done very well or is missing the mark. One thing I will almost always say is that "the hardest thing is the first draft...here's my feedback to make this project stronger"...that usually goes over really well, because I'm not point out "how they did it wrong" but rather "how they can make it stronger."

I try to offer personal feedback (when asked obviously not just unsolicited) in the same way.

There is judging in terms of trying to assess something and form an opinion or give feedback and then there is sitting in judgement, meaning being hyper critical and even making assumptions about someone and their motives. We all make judgments all the time, but it's not the same as being judgmental.

Seesaw