[Amethyst_Stargazer]

I'm not angry at my boyfriend but I was sort of hurt by his statement last night. He's not mean towards me, but he sometimes says things without thinking and it ends up hurting my feelings.

I normally don't get upset by statements unless it's said rather hurtful or if it's said by someone I loved and care about. This morning he felt remorse and he has problems trying to console me because he doesn't know what to do or if he'll make the whole situation worse.

Last night I was pmsing and he went going on talking about video games and sort of questioning me about gaming and what I said was true. It seems as if he has trust issues which isn't my problem but sometimes he has a problem with trust and now I'm not sure where this will lead. When he's mad, he just seems to rant on and on and I hate seeing him like this because he seems as if he's mad at the whole entire world and it worries me.

This morning he seemed fine and once he saw that I was still upset, I could see by his facial expressions that he felt bad and eventually he apologized to me. This isn't the first time he's done this and now our relationship is turning kinda sour by all his questioning because he has trust issues. I don't mind that he asks me these questions, it's just how he acts towards me while he's asking me them and his moods change as if he's mad at someone. He's not mad at me but he's mad just in general. Anytime he gets like this, I try to calm him down but nothing seems to help. So I'm not sure how I should approach this.

Today I'm not sure how things will be once he gets home. I've been very patient with him but I think he's sort of noticing how his statements don't go along well. Told him in a very calm way about how I felt and left it at that.

I'm not the sort of person to just give up on someone because I do love him very much but I think I may need to talk to him about his behavior or maybe he should mention it to his doctor. He suffers from a mood disorder and sometimes his emotions are very overwhelming for him.

[Bill3]

I'm really sorry that you had these experiences.



It would be helpful, if okay, to hear more about how severely his "trust issues" manifest themselves in your relationship.

How does/would he feel about getting and implementing treatment for his mood disorder?

[Sunflower123]

I’m sorry you are having a tough time. Your bf is responsible for his relationship and has realized by now that his behavior does not enhance your relationship. I would try to talk to him again and try to get him into therapy if he isn’t already. Best wishes.

[MickeyCheeky]

Let him talk to his doctor - it seems like a good idea. I'd suggest that to him, if you can/want.

[Misssy2]

Don't make excuses for his controlling, demeaning, abusive behaviors.

He may have a mental disorder...but that is not to be used as an excuse for what he is doing.

By saying these things or making you feel like you are capable of doing the things he says is demeaning to you and your self esteem and your relationship.

What he is doing is planting a seed in both your heads that your relationship must not be strong and stable enough.

You deserve someone who VALUES the love and attention you give and doesn't accuse you of being a type of person that you are not...a liar and a cheater...

I would tell him if he is going to continue to downplay my feelings for him...and not trust in the love I have for him...that this type of thing is too exhausting for me and that I am seriously thinking of ending the relationship.

He needs to get a grip on HIS jealousy and stop taking out his insecurities on you. There obviously something about him that he doesn't feel that anyone could just love only him...but you waste your breath reassuring him over and over and this takes a lot of energy away from the relationship.

This is a toxic situation for you...you can chose to stay in it and let him to continue to badger you and make you feel "bad"....Or you can chose to put your foot down and tell him he is being absurd and you are sick of your motives with him being questioned and that you would rather use your energy on doing things that make relationships stronger vs. tearing it apart.

[Amethyst_Stargazer]

Originally Posted by Misssy2

Don't make excuses for his controlling, demeaning, abusive behaviors.

He may have a mental disorder...but that is not to be used as an excuse for what he is doing.

By saying these things or making you feel like you are capable of doing the things he says is demeaning to you and your self esteem and your relationship.

What he is doing is planting a seed in both your heads that your relationship must not be strong and stable enough.

You deserve someone who VALUES the love and attention you give and doesn't accuse you of being a type of person that you are not...a liar and a cheater...

I would tell him if he is going to continue to downplay my feelings for him...and not trust in the love I have for him...that this type of thing is too exhausting for me and that I am seriously thinking of ending the relationship.

He needs to get a grip on HIS jealousy and stop taking out his insecurities on you. There obviously something about him that he doesn't feel that anyone could just love only him...but you waste your breath reassuring him over and over and this takes a lot of energy away from the relationship.

This is a toxic situation for you...you can chose to stay in it and let him to continue to badger you and make you feel "bad"....Or you can chose to put your foot down and tell him he is being absurd and you are sick of your motives with him being questioned and that you would rather use your energy on doing things that make relationships stronger vs. tearing it apart.

Thank you for your response and it was very helpful. When we talk again, I think I might bring a few things up to him about his behavior and how I truly feel about it. He was cheated on before and I believe this is why he acts the way I do.

During my visit, I did tell him I'm not the kind of person to just cheat on someone and that I don't cheat and if he doesn't believe me than he can just leave me. Hopefully he'll talk to his doctor about it because I know he has abandonment issues. My love for him is still there, but I just want him to get help and try to improve on things. I'm willing to work with him, he just has to trust me and be able to not be so afraid and questioning things all the time.