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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
Posts: 3,135
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Nov 26, 2017 at 08:16 AM
#1
I'm having a tough time with my in-laws and my wife lately.
From my point of view, they hate my politics, they let me know they think some of my interests are stupid, and they let me know this virtually every time we're together. (I should mention that my wife and I are similar in politics, but she does side with her family on some of the issues). Because of their reactions, I spend even less time with them. They notice, and in response, they've just become even more rude. Now I get comments like, "you hate our family" and "haven't you left(this particular get-together) yet?" I've talked to a counselor about this, and she suggests that it's my wife's job to change their mind about me. I don't think this is going to happen. Ever since I met her, she made it obvious that she believes her family is without flaw, and told me what they think of me, and what I need to change.... It's a ridiculous amount of group-think. __________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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 Bill3
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
Posts: 3,135
9 437 hugs
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Nov 26, 2017 at 08:28 AM
#2
I did notice that my sister-in-law, who is generally the most outspoken, is also harassing her niece's husband.
It's like she has this overwhelming need to dominate. __________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley |
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Bill3
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
Posts: 32,762
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Nov 26, 2017 at 08:57 PM
#3
I'm sorry you're caught in this difficult situation. I guess I can't really relate to this situation directly since I no longer have any extended family... or friends either for that matter.
 It seems like I've always had interests that were different from anyone else I ever knew. I guess that's perhaps part of the reason I've gradually become more-&-more reclusive.  I've been a very secretive person pretty-much all of my life. (It's a long story.) Somehow, I don't know how, I learned very early in life that there were things about myself that I must never talk about with anyone. And so I didn't... and I still don't. And over time the tendency has spread throughout my day-to-day life. I just keep my thoughts to myself. My personal opinion is that this is often for the best. 
__________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: US
Posts: 3,135
9 437 hugs
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Nov 27, 2017 at 07:23 AM
#4
Quote:
For my part... I'm starting to realize that there are people who I don't respect, and don't like. And I should probably be relieved that those people don't like me, either. I do think there is something to the idea that everyone has good qualities that can be appreciated. I can see some good qualities even in the people I am in conflict with. My hope for the future is that they would be able to recognize my good qualities as well. I don't mind not talking, I just wish the times we were together were not so stressful. I'm doing what I can to take care of myself. I have to admit I sometimes forget how good my wife is to me, and how much I appreciate her. She does have a strong commitment and loyalty to her family, and I think that commitment and loyalty causes some blind spots. I suppose that's to be expected. __________________ My business is to teach my aspirations to conform themselves to fact, not to try and make facts harmonise with my aspirations. T.H. Huxley Last edited by shakespeare47; Nov 27, 2017 at 07:39 AM.. |
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Q&A Leader
Member Since Jan 2006
Location: Here
Posts: 94,092
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Nov 28, 2017 at 05:36 PM
#5
They've said some pretty harsh things to you, that would upset anyone. Can you just calmly state that there is no need to be rude? The only other advice I would give is, remember you are married to your wife, not her family. As long as you and your wife are happy, it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks.
__________________  Pegasus Got a quick question related to mental health or a treatment? Ask it here General Q&A Forum “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by it's ability to climb a tree, it will live it's whole life believing that it is stupid.” - Albert Einstein |
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shakespeare47
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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