[tumblr]

Hi! I was wondering what could be the cause of bad social skills because mine are really REALLY bad. It's why I avoid talking to people. Even with my friends I can't have a normal conversation. I just say random things in hope of catching attention.
I've been trying to imitate other people when it comes to responses, but it ends up sounding forced and unnatural. But I don't know what to say myself. I feel like my texting is okay because I put a lot of thought into my responses. However, you're on the spot in real, interpersonal interactions and it's super hard and mentally draining. I can do simple questions asking my about myself like "what school do you go to", "age", etc. Otherwise it's bad.

Not sure how to fix this, or what it means for me, or who to talk to. What do you think? (i'm 17 btw, college freshman so I'm always surrounded by people)

[All Is Revealed]

If you find people who share your same interests, you can probably converse with them for hours. Tell them what you like to do, where you're from, and what currently interests you. If they have similar interests, your brain will fire up like an engine. New questions and thoughts will come naturally to you.

I'm 35 and when I was 17, I though I had bad social skills. But I don't. I just can't relate to most people. Or they bore me within minutes. If someone wants to talk about games, clothes, self-care, or hair products, I can talk to them all day. But if they want to talk about politics or the news, my brain shuts off. Politics and the news bore me to death.

Plus, being a good speaker and presenting yourself takes a lot of practice. When you find an audience that's interested in you, you begin to let go of certain insecurities.

[astoldbyginger]

Hi Tumblr, I also was, what I would consider, socially awkward in my teens. With time I have relaxed a bit and gotten better with socializing. Still however, there are groups of people or social settings I would be in and I would say something that sounds like nails on a chalkboard, the only difference is that now I don't care as much, because when that happens I know that it's because whoever I'm around at the time, they're just not my crowd.

I share the above commentor's sentiments. Sometimes we think the problem is ourselves, so we try to mimic others, when you should not and should never do that. You may just not be around "your people". For instance I am most comfortable around artists and creatives, so that cancels out corporate settings and the average person. When I am around artistic people I am very chatty and outgoing. However in other settings I may go completely quiet especially during group discussions. If this happened while I was a teenager, I'd feel pressured to partake in the conversation and likely try to interject but it would sound awkward and no one would take me seriously. But now I just don't pressure myself to say anything, even if people accuse me of being quiet or introverted - which I no longer mind because I know the truth about myself.

As for why it happens, I cannot speak for everyone but I do know that for myself, I was raised in a house where I was yelled at a lot and I think I subconsciously developed low self-esteem and feelings of worthlessness. So when it came to being social, I was critical of my voice and myself and overthought everything, thus becoming very unnatural around people who I did not vibe well with.

Like I said though, it gets better in time. I did build most of my social skills in university. You are a freshman, so don't be too hard on yourself, take it easy, you will grow and things will turn around eventually.

You're young. It's normal to feel socially ackward, especially at a time in your life when you're still discovering who you are. Just give it some time.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate a lot to your struggles Perhaps what the others say is true. You just have to meet people who share your interests.

You say you try to imitate others. Are you including mannerisms and non-verbal communication? Observe closely those you admire or find socially successful for such things. Learn to read social cues and even how to determine a person's comfort zone. All of these are significantly important in successful social interaction. Once you have observed and recognise such things practise them even in front of a mirror.

Find people with interests the same as you.

If you wish to gravitate towards others then do some homework. Find out about them and their interests.

Finally, note that a great deal of social interaction is recognising when to talk and when to stay silent. Listening is important.