[rdgrad15]

Has anyone been hurt by a friend at one point, and then after some time, decided to give them a second chance? I am currently doing this with a casual friend. We met four years ago in college and at that time she would ask for money too much and ignore me completely and exclude me from our group of friends when we wpuld all hang out. She would even go as far as to make plans without me, only to have another friend ask whether or not I was joining them.

That happened multiple times. The other group members liked me around but this one friend didn’t for some reason. If it was just me and her, she would tear me like she really liked me as a friend and even at times invited me to do stuff with her one-on-one, but when it came to group situations, she was horrible. I even called her out on it and at that time she wasn’t happy about it, but now, she admits to it. She admitted that she treated me poorly about a year or two ago. We don’t hang out that much but at least we are on good terms.

She admitted to treating me like crap and explained that even though it is no excuse, she was trying to pretend to be someone she was not and was trying too hard to fit in. She no longer hangs out with the other grpup members. They eventually started to dislike her. I was glad she admitted it since no one else in the past has done that. She actually had the guts to come out and admit her faults. And that’s why I decided to give her a second chance. At first before she did that, I planned on cutting her off for good, but then decided to give her one more chance, and just one. Has a friend ever admitted their wrongdoings to you and then changed their behavior? Were you able to fully trust them? Just wondered since it can be risky.

I feel like in general, giving a friend who treated you poorly in the past a second chance, even if they admitted it and said sorry like my casual friend did, there is still a risk involved since they could easily do it again. Most people actually wind up doing the same crap again. I will admit even now, I still sometomes secretly worry she will go back to her old ways again. But it has been a little over two years since she apologized so the chances decrease hopefully. The only real complaint is she is very on and off in terms of keeping in contact and hanging out. She went through another period of wanting to hang out a lot, which we did, to going totally non-existant, and then back to wanting to hang out. The cycle repeats. That has been the pattern for years and she is like that with a lot of people. Despite it being annoying, I am used to it. Other than that, she is nice. How do you feel about giving a friend a second chance, especially if they admit their wrongdoings and give an explaination? Just wondered.

[Sunflower123]

If it’s been two years since she apologized and she hasn’t done it again, I guess you could give her a second chance although she treated you abysmally in a group. There was no excuse for that. If she mistreats you again, I wouldn’t give her a third chance. Good luck. ((((Hugs))))

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Jennifer 1967

If it’s been two years since she apologized and she hasn’t done it again, I guess you could give her a second chance although she treated you abysmally in a group. There was no excuse for that. If she mistreats you again, I wouldn’t give her a third chance. Good luck. ((((Hugs))))

Yeah exactly. I never give more than two chances. In fact, like I said before, the main reason I gave her a second chance was because she apologized and admitted her wrongdoings. In any other case, I would have eliminaated her from my life permenantly. No one else has ever admitted their wrongdoings. So I figured she deserved one more chance. But yeah, if she does that again next time we are in a group setting, I am done with her. Yeah the real test is seeing what she is like in a group setting.

[All Is Revealed]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Yeah exactly. I never give more than two chances. In fact, like I said before, the main reason I gave her a second chance was because she apologized and admitted her wrongdoings. In any other case, I would have eliminaated her from my life permenantly. No one else has ever admitted their wrongdoings. So I figured she deserved one more chance. But yeah, if she does that again next time we are in a group setting, I am done with her. Yeah the real test is seeing what she is like in a group setting.

Wow. I'm happy for you. It's amazing that you're so kindhearted and forgiving. I need to be more like you. The fact that you forgave her shows what a strong person you are.

[rechu]

I did once. She was a co-worker but we always got together outside of work. She then got a new job (stockbroker, nothing special) and somehow developed a superiority complex and thought she was better than those of us at her old job.

A while later she tracked me down on social media and apologized. We were in contact for some months until she started to show that same superior attitude. I was out of work at the time and she thought she knew better about everything I should be doing. I was already having a tough time dealing with having to quit an abusive work environment and didn't need her trying to make me feel worse. I cut her off and didn't look back. Who needs that?

[sky457]

I do agree with giving a friend another chance. I've had one friend walk away from me recently (the only time it's ever happened). If she ever does apologize, I will begrudgingly accept initially. If it happened again, I would say no at that point.

It's a matter of determining if A) it was heartfelt and B) if it was truthful.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by All Is Revealed

Wow. I'm happy for you. It's amazing that you're so kindhearted and forgiving. I need to be more like you. The fact that you forgave her shows what a strong person you are.

Thank you and yeah it is hard for me to cut someone off withput a second chance. I figured since she admitted it and apologized, she deserved a second chance. I am still cautious and don’t want to get too close but at least we can be on good terms.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by rechu

I did once. She was a co-worker but we always got together outside of work. She then got a new job (stockbroker, nothing special) and somehow developed a superiority complex and thought she was better than those of us at her old job.

A while later she tracked me down on social media and apologized. We were in contact for some months until she started to show that same superior attitude. I was out of work at the time and she thought she knew better about everything I should be doing. I was already having a tough time dealing with having to quit an abusive work environment and didn't need her trying to make me feel worse. I cut her off and didn't look back. Who needs that?

Wow, yeah you’re coworker was not being too polite and does not deserve anymore chances. She was given a second chance and blew it. Glad you moved on from that toxic friendship. You deserve better.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by sky457

I do agree with giving a friend another chance. I've had one friend walk away from me recently (the only time it's ever happened). If she ever does apologize, I will begrudgingly accept initially. If it happened again, I would say no at that point.

It's a matter of determining if A) it was heartfelt and B) if it was truthful.

Same. It did seem truthful. I usually go by actions. People can make an apology sound heartfelt and truthful but still not mean it. If they act on their apology then they mean it. My casual friend hasn’t treated me badly since. I am still cautious. Don’t want to get too close just in case. And even if I did want to become close, she may not allow it since she no longer allows people to get close to her. In fact, she basically changed from how she was in college. She used to put herself out there, as a result, tried too hard and pushed people away and hurt me.

Now she is very reserved and don’t really hang out with people other than me, her coworkers, family, and one other friend she has. I think her trying too hard during her high school and college years, and being repeatedly hurt herself caused her to basically give up on trying to make friends. In fact, that is probably why she treated me poorly at first. Probably because she was hurt herself. It is very common among people to do that. No excuse for it but it does happen unfortunately as a way to make themselves feel better after being hurt repeatedly. She doesn’t try hard to meet and talk to people anymore. And I hope the friend who walked away from you comes back to apologize to you. I am like you, I acceptnapologies easily.

[rechu]

Thanks rdgrad15. When we were in touch for the second time she always talked about how she doesn't talk with her family, can't find a boyfriend, doesn't have any friends. I mean, yeah someone might have issues with their family or have a hard time meeting a romantic partner or friends; but all three - estranged from family, no friends and no guy wants to date her seems like it is on her. She is clearly pushing people away with her behavior. Who can blame them, if she kicks others when they are down like she did to me.

Even one guy that also used to work with us said she had been in touch and that she turned out to be a snake.

[Open Eyes]

Sometimes a person actually grows up and learns to actually respect other's space and other times a person doesn't grow out of the narcissistic stages and instead just continues to develop manipulative skills where they just get better at using others for their own gain.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by rechu

Thanks rdgrad15. When we were in touch for the second time she always talked about how she doesn't talk with her family, can't find a boyfriend, doesn't have any friends. I mean, yeah someone might have issues with their family or have a hard time meeting a romantic partner or friends; but all three - estranged from family, no friends and no guy wants to date her seems like it is on her. She is clearly pushing people away with her behavior. Who can blame them, if she kicks others when they are down like she did to me.

Even one guy that also used to work with us said she had been in touch and that she turned out to be a snake.

You’re welcome. Wow she sounds like a terrible person. Yes some people, including me may have problems finding friends or have family ornrelationship issues, but if they are that severe to the point where she is pushing people away, then it is on her.

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

Sometimes a person actually grows up and learns to actually respect other's space and other times a person doesn't grow out of the narcissistic stages and instead just continues to develop manipulative skills where they just get better at using others for their own gain.

Yes I totally agree. Most people who are like that don’t get better. And when I decided to give my casual friend a second chance, I definitely don’t plan on being close to her. She doesn’t allow anyone to get close to her anyway anymore but yeah I still am very cautious just in case she decides to turn on me me again. For now, casual friend status is the closest I’ll get with her. So far so good but I still have to be careful. Over time if she keeps up her good behavior, I can start trusting her even more. So far she has proven herself well and hope she stays that way.

[riptide53]

Originally Posted by rdgrad15

Has anyone been hurt by a friend at one point, and then after some time, decided to give them a second chance? I am currently doing this with a casual friend. We met four years ago in college and at that time she would ask for money too much and ignore me completely and exclude me from our group of friends when we wpuld all hang out. She would even go as far as to make plans without me, only to have another friend ask whether or not I was joining them.

That happened multiple times. The other group members liked me around but this one friend didn’t for some reason. If it was just me and her, she would tear me like she really liked me as a friend and even at times invited me to do stuff with her one-on-one, but when it came to group situations, she was horrible. I even called her out on it and at that time she wasn’t happy about it, but now, she admits to it. She admitted that she treated me poorly about a year or two ago. We don’t hang out that much but at least we are on good terms.

She admitted to treating me like crap and explained that even though it is no excuse, she was trying to pretend to be someone she was not and was trying too hard to fit in. She no longer hangs out with the other grpup members. They eventually started to dislike her. I was glad she admitted it since no one else in the past has done that. She actually had the guts to come out and admit her faults. And that’s why I decided to give her a second chance. At first before she did that, I planned on cutting her off for good, but then decided to give her one more chance, and just one. Has a friend ever admitted their wrongdoings to you and then changed their behavior? Were you able to fully trust them? Just wondered since it can be risky.

I feel like in general, giving a friend who treated you poorly in the past a second chance, even if they admitted it and said sorry like my casual friend did, there is still a risk involved since they could easily do it again. Most people actually wind up doing the same crap again. I will admit even now, I still sometomes secretly worry she will go back to her old ways again. But it has been a little over two years since she apologized so the chances decrease hopefully. The only real complaint is she is very on and off in terms of keeping in contact and hanging out. She went through another period of wanting to hang out a lot, which we did, to going totally non-existant, and then back to wanting to hang out. The cycle repeats. That has been the pattern for years and she is like that with a lot of people. Despite it being annoying, I am used to it. Other than that, she is nice. How do you feel about giving a friend a second chance, especially if they admit their wrongdoings and give an explaination? Just wondered.

Been there, it doesn't change;stay on good terms but don't give yourself away

[rdgrad15]

Originally Posted by riptide53

Been there, it doesn't change;stay on good terms but don't give yourself away

Oh I agree. Yeah Indon’t plan on getting close to her. Don’t want to and she doesn’t allow it anyway. Yeah I can’t fully trust her. I just want to be on good terms that’s all. Basically no more than acquaintances or casual friend. I don’t confide in her and the real test would come when I am with her in a group setting. I was in a group setting a few months back when I saw her and she was with coworkers. She treated me fine but I don’t think that counts since she is not actually friends with them. The real test would be to see how she is with other friends around. Four years ago, that is how it was. She was nice to me one on one, even invited me to do things with her and even invited me over to dinner at her house a few times and to church, but if we were in a group setting with other friends, I was nothing. That is why I am very careful now. But yeah, at least I am on good terms.