I had some dark thoughts about just leaving everything behind - my family, some of the friends I had left, when I leave away to a place of my own.
I even had a fleeting thought about changing my identity.
Most clear one was starting anew.

It seems like everything around here has been a mistake.
My ex therapist, my parents. They made mistakes they justify instead of confess error. I don’t deserve to forgive this.

At times I think I am ungrateful for my parents and even some of my friends. I’d leave some friends because of either envy or hurts accumulated for so long there was growing resentment. If only I could speak myself up and find better people for me.

[Skeezyks]

We have a small dog we walk daily. Occasionally, if there's a storm forecast for the following day, I'll take the dog out for a "moonlight stroll" before bed. While we're out walking the dark & mostly deserted sidewalks, I often feel the urge to tie the dog up somewhere where my wife would be able to find him & just walk off into the night alone... never to return. I don't even know where I'd go...

I don't know in what kind of place you live, but I'd go set up a tent somewhere natural if I were you, perhaps sleep there for a few days. That is, knowing your age.

As for me, I am literally thinking about doing this, and I am literally going to a far away place. It's not just a vent. It's an implied dilemma

When I was 20 I ended up hospitalized with severe depression. When I got out I decided to run. I packed my stuff up and moved to another city. I changes my number and stopped talking to everyone I knew. Dropped off the face of the earth as far as they were concerned. I found an apartment, a new job and made new friends. It was so freeing to start again.

I did return home eventually. Yes I had hurt some feelings, but they understood that I did what I needed to do. I have very fond memories of that experience and if I didn't have kids I would probably have done it again by now.

I have no idea if this helps, but I do kind of get it.