[Whalewatcher85]

Hello,
I apologize if you saw this on my welcome forum post. I meant to post it here instead. I am looking forward to getting some insiights on a situation I am having.

I have a friendshp with a coworker which is causing me great amounts of stress. I have been friends with her for 7 years. I started out as her supervisor, and our friendship developed. At this time, she was very nice to me, and since I was her supervisor, I only saw a very nice, caring and generous side of her. I also only saw her once a week.

Since being in that role, I have had the opportunity to work part time and spend more time with my kids. I took a role equal to hers, and now work in the same office with her 3 days a week.

I have seen that she is often very rude and talks down to other coworkers, and even sometimes clients. She is extremely touchy and gets mad over even the smallest insignificant things. She is known to intimidate, or give the silent treatment or just glare. Most coworkers are scared of her and don't like her.

Since coming to this office, we have had lunch every day that I work, which is 3 days a week. This has been going on for many years and we have established a pattern with this.

She has become extremely posessive of me. She doesn't want me to make other friends and if another friend asks me to lunch, she expects me to decline or else include her. Since other workers don't like her, it causes tension. If I tell her I have plans to go to lunch with anyone else (even my husband who sometimes works in the area) she gives me a guilt trip, berates me, badmouths the other person (if it is a coworker) and keeps going until she wears me down.

She constantly tells me how to word things, and how to talk to clients. If I ask her a question she is likely to take offense to it for no reason. Then she tells me how I should have asked it better.

I tend to be more extroverted, quiet, reserved, and somewhat of a people pleaser. I dislike conflict. So because of this, she has become even more controlling and possessive.

She can be very intimidating. I am nervous to tell her if I want to do something with anyone else, since she expects me to always be available to her. She is always staring at me (others have noticed too) If I go to another floor for office supplies or whatever, she will ask me where I went and why I was gone so long. I am always being watched by her.

If I tell her that she is making me uncomfortable, she either lashes out, or cries and tells me I am her best friend and she loves me and makes excuses for her behavior (fight with sister, etc.). She even goes as far as trying to give me gifts and begging me to spend more time having lunch and breaks with her.

I want advice on whether to completely end the friendship and how (awkward because we work closely together) or to scale it back somehow.

If I go to lunch without her in our lunchroom she sits there and glares at me the whole time, or invites herself to join me and pulls up a chair.

Do I just go to lunch away from the workplace? Please help me figure out what to do.
Thanks so much