Rather people find me overly cautious than overly naive

Due to my past experiences and the fact that I used to be way too naive and let things happen too much, I am now very cautious when it comes to social situations. For the most part, it seems to work well, but every so often, when someone sees me being overly cautious, they say it is not a good way to behave. I am very cautious in who I let in my life and I want to see effort put into friendships. I am also very cautious with people who may be the kind of person who would make other people look bad, either intentionally or just due to someone else not using common sense.

Are you very cautious? Would you rather be considered too cautious or too naive? I feel like being very cautious is better than being very naive. It lessens your chances of being used by others or putting yourself in a position to have others make you look bad. This even counts for work related situations too. If a coworker tells me something, and it sounds fishy or doesn't ring true, I will secretly ask my supervisor about it, without snitching, just to make sure what I heard was right. I am afraid of getting in trouble, especially at work where losing your job these days is so easy especially since almost all employees are employed at will.

There were times where I was glad I asked because a few times I found out my coworkers were in the wrong and I could have gotten in trouble had I listened to them. In terms of social situations, people have asked me to do them favors like give them money, and I'll get a feeling they were trying to use me. Later I would find out that they really were trying to use me. Do you think it is okay to be very cautious? Why is being very cautious considered a turnoff to some people? It makes me feel like they could be too naive or something themselves if they can't understand why I like to be very cautious.

I know some people may not like it but I'd rather have people think, "Wow he is overly cautious or paranoid" than have them think, "Wow he is overly naive or stupid." I don't want people to think that I will be a doormat to others. I feel like being very cautious and listening to your gut is a good thing. There has been too many times where my gut told me not to do something, and since I didn't listen, what I was afraid would happen, happened. After whatever it was that happened, I would regret it and wish I had listened to my gut feeling. I've gotten way better at listening to my gut feeling. I know it can be wrong at times, but I've heard that in almost all cases, it is right.

There is nothing wrong with being guarded and cautious as long as it doesn't impair your ability to make new friends and relationships. There is cautious and then there is over the top. Only you can decide where that line is. Be careful, but still be open to letting people in. That's my advice anyways.

Yeah lately I've had trouble letting people get close to me but I still let people in. I agree with you.

I’m very cautious like you and have become more cautious over time due to negative experiences with being used, deceived, betrayed, etc. I’m of the opinion that it’s better to be “overly” cautious than not cautious enough - especially with allowing people close. Nothing wrong with being super discriminating. Personally, I’m happier and calmer without extra people around and have really trimmed down my social circle/interactions. Life is hard enough without unnecessary human drama! Try not to doubt your instincts.

Agree and I've had the same negative experiences. I am part to blame because some of those instances I actually had a gut feeling something was off but I ignored it. Then I regretted not listening. So I learned my lesson. And yeah, I'd rather be overly cautious than overly naive. I feel like if people see me as overly cautious, they may feel turned off but at the same time, I think it reduces the chances that they will treat me badly. They know I can't be filled. Meanwhile if I am too naive, they can easily fool and deceive me, even use me, and laugh behind my back saying I'm too stupid to realize what's happening. Yeah I have gotten a lot better at listening to my instincts.