Sometimes intense hatred/anger towards friend rears head

I really hate it when she is unresponsive to me. I composed a theme song for our documentary series and she messaged me, "I like it. Sounds nice" And now I am feeling a wave of hatred for her.

In some ways she is similar to me because I don't know how to respond socially to some people. I have a script for day to day situations, so I know how to say common courtesy things, like, "Hi, how are you," but everything else/everything personal is extremely confusing to me. If someone tells me about their stomach problems, do I say "I'm sorry"? Do I say, "My brother does too." Does that sound like I pity them? Is the latter giving too much info away?

So I don't know how to respond to things, and that makes me emotionally unresponsive. And my friend is too. And sometimes it makes me so angry.

A red flag for me is when someone has inhibited their appreciation of music, or cannot appreciate it genuinely, not just as cultural currency. People who lack that or who have no interest in music are often stunted. (Like me, lol.) A dream is necessary because it is sensuous and lifegiving. Music should not just be a status indicator.

Then again, I have had a lot more (subjective) freedom because effectively I had no parents since age 11. She's a good girl.

Oh, I also hate her because I can't rely on her for anything. Then again, I can't rely on anyone for anything. So perhaps it is good to remember that I am alone. Social functions fall away quickly. Roommates are not friends. They are just there to help pay the rent. And all my friend is there for is a somewhat neutral ground to develop some ideas with. Her range is quite limited though. This is what her unresponsive has revealed. She is an empty shell. Not my friend.

I hate that she is the only person I feel safe expressing and sharing my art with. (In a way, my range is limited too, I guess, and I just have to expand myself.)

We were supposed to live together when I move out on Friday, but, reasonably, she can't afford it (somewhat unreasonably because of job issues I'm not going into, but her mother is controlling the types of jobs she can apply to (only retail or corporate or, I don't know, office work), and so now she only has a part time job. Ffs! This is a temporary job while we get our feet on the ground. Me, I'm into music and films, so I would work anywhere I need to while applying for other jobs, ideally somewhere with exposure to art and tech, where I can make contacts, but seriously, I will be working the first job I can find. This is why I think parents are worthless.)

So I am about to sign a lease on an apartment with a couple other roommates, and I won't be living with her, probably ever. My roommates are artists as well, people I can learn from, if I can stop being so socially inhibited. I hate it. I hate her. It's fine that we're not living together. She is not a very stimulating person. But we had planned it.

I guess I am one of those people who fall over when holding two opinions. I hate her. I am just angry over her unresponsiveness, and her unhelpfulness, and my necessary emotional detachment from her. I feel safe with her because we are emotionally detached, incapable of being there for each other. But it also pisses me off.