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Grand Magnate
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: England,UK
Posts: 3,017
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#1
Well another year gone I am 54 years old in March,to explain since age 24 I have had several physical debilitating chronic illnesses and mental health issue too,which is why I have never had a partner or boy/girl friend.I am bisexual and that caused/causes me a lot of confusion too.It was too hard to be alone yet alone cater for another person in my life.
Now I don't know if I am too set in my ways to share my life whilst on the other hand I get excited at the thought of having a love interest and company. No one shows any interest in me though and I am incredibly fussy myself...the few I have an interest in aren't interested in me.Online dating seems to attract men in their 70's or men who live abroad or men that are huge and ugly.I guess I need to be physically attracted well we all do don't we and I am not really liking certain types of lesbian women,I am kinda reluctant to get emotionally involved with a woman the attraction to women is sexual and friendship but I don't like masculine women either I like femmes. My experience with lesbians is if I am into women then I should be up for it with them and they almost demand that I be in a relationship cos they want to never mind if I am into them or not,they get clingy,demanding and stick to me like glue and insist I reciprocate and it is a terrible experience and a turn off so I am ruling out relations with women for now.I have been treated badly by both sexes in the past so hey ho do I look for love or not? I only know that I am not looking to move in with anyone or have them live with me,I won't risk having to sell what I have to give anyone half of it cos they think they are entitled cos they shared my space for a year or two. That means having someone in my life we keep our own places and agree to keep our own possessions and property to ourselves.Not sure I trust anyone to stick to that. I used to feel lonely and berate being alone.But I know feel I like it and prefer it to being used as a meal ticket,or to having to put someone else always first and myself last.When I was younger the thought of having to spend my time looking after a husband or kids used to make me feel I'd be trapped and starved of time,friends,hobbies,nights in or out for myself and male role models were lacking my examples of men were possessive controlling types who only thought men wanted women for sex and so women were to be kept under lock and key. Men that I liked were usually involved elsewhere and only available as friends...men I didn't like and there were many of them only wanted to sleep with me and made me feel like an object..they got angry when I rejected them and became mean and nasty to me.That turned me off men in my twenties and by the time I was in my thirties I decided I can do without men. During my forties I never felt good enough and my self esteem was low,I usually got interest from unsuitable types,one man was a fascist,another a criminal...yet another unemployed and unable to support himself and I didn't think of myself as able to provide...and so over the years my own inner failings,ill health and being surrounded by unsuitable men and women means here I am 54 years old and still very much single! It feels like I will always stay single very much so now and I don't think it bothers me anymore or matters one little bit....it isn't as if I can change it....I could if I had faith and trust in relationships but I never have and never will by the sounds of it...or maybe God has plans and someone in mind for me I don't know I am not up for it though cos any opportunities to meet someone and I don't show up I avoid it.Yes I have social anxiety and have had all my life but the minute an event has available men at it I will change my mind about going.Subconsciously I am saying no.I don't feel safe being sexual either so can't really go there at this time.it helps to explore this and to conclude that yes I have been single all my life and I am ok to stay that way! Relationships are overrated if you ask me anyway!Feel free to comment and tell me if I am wrong in your opinion.I just don't see the point in pining for what I haven't got and have never had. |
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Anonymous87914, healingme4me, MickeyCheeky
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#2
Just wanted to say I read your post, and I usderstnd some of it. I wish I did't care about being single. There were times I was happier without a relationship. I 'm really seriously considering not having any relationships romantic anyways....... but I'm always longing for affection and companionship. I say,
good for you knowing what you want! |
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Bill3, healingme4me, sky457
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Marylin
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Member Since Jun 2016
Location: Italy
Posts: 11,817
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#3
I feel like I'll be forever single, as well
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Bill3, healingme4me, Marylin, sky457
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#4
Quote:
Quote:
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My birthday is in March too |
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sky457
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Marylin
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#5
I am 47 and am still single. I have a thread going on here about just that topic. Sounds like you are comfortable with being single and that's great.
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sky457
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Marylin
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Member Since May 2015
Location: California
Posts: 89
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#6
I am 48, a single mom of teens now, that means my excuses for not dating are going too. That means I have to take another look at myself now and realize I'm in a totally different catagory and will have to try pretty hard to get in that game. Sigh... is it even worth it?
Sometimes I think I would like to have a partner, with the companionship and the things that seem nice...but, like you, I have had some really shabby partners. Speaking of you, it sounds like you have had a ton of experiences and adventures, not all good, but rich and varied. I think if I had that much 'fun' I would be a much more attractive catch. Did you ever think of it like that? Maybe you think about settling down, but maybe its your freedom and independance thats attractive? |
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Marylin
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Veteran Member
Member Since Feb 2015
Location: Seattle
Posts: 735
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#7
Got ya beat at 63 - just breathe.......
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Marylin
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