[zahoy]

I don't know if I'm posting in the right spot or what. I think it is.
Ok, my family is falling apart. We just got back from a family outing thing today. Right when we walked in the house, my dad was to busy trying to order pizza, to listen to my mom read a letter about an award I got from highschool today. He didn't listen to her. And when he was ordering pizza, my mom tried to tell him that he was ordering the pizza wrong, and he went off on her, fighting with her while he was still on the phone with the pizza place. Then he had to tell the pizza guy, that he had to call back. They started fighting in the dining room, then they moved out into the living room, fighting right infront of my brother and me. All I did was try to pretend that nothing was wrong. They were calling each other bad names, and I thought that one of them was going to hit each other.Then my mom asked him, "do you care that your daughter got an award for being an all star athlete?" and he didn't say anything...
The my mom left, I didn't know if she was coming back, then about 45 minutes later she came back. As soon as my dad saw her pull in the drive way, he layed down on the couch and went to sleep, so he didn't have to confront her. And I feel so akward right now, because no one is saying anything.I feel stupid for writing this, I'm probably wasting time. They've had fights, but this time it was really bad, and I don't know what to do. I dont think my dad cares about me. Can somebody help me?

[heidu]

Zahoy,
I don't know that I can give you any really good advice but I can say I undertstand. I grew up with my parents fighting and it was so hard. I got put in the middle alot. My dad I remember always being there but we never really had a conversation till I was 18. I know how scary and hopeless and confused you feel. Your mom sounds nice and like she loves you alot. She seemed to be pretty proud of your award. Maybe you could sit and talk with her and tell her how you are feeling. Maybe she could explain some things that might help if you knew or understood. There is usually so much more to a fight than just the yelling or silence. I think the silence is the worse part because then you don't know what anyone is thinking.
I am sorry that you don't feel like your dad cares about you. I often felt that too. It's not a nice feeling. Maybe he can't express it or maybe he doesn't kow how.
I think if you could talk to your mom it might help you. I think parents don't realize what they do sometimes and how fights affect kids.
If you can take a trip to the mall or to visit a friend so you can get some peace for a little bit. That may help.
Hugs to you.
Heidu

[penna]

even though your parents started fighting when your mom was trying to read a letter about you to your dad, it is quite possible that this argument had *nothing* to do with you at all. your parents might (in fact, they probably *do*) have a lot of problems in their marriage that have absolutely nothing to do with you or your brother. maybe your mom is just generally frustrated with your dad because she feels like he never listens to her--that would explain why she went off on your dad when he wasn't paying attention to her when she read the letter. if that's true, then the argument couldn't have been about you at all--it was just another example of her being fed up with your dad not paying attention.

my point is i think this argument probably says more about the state of their marriage, over which you and your brother have absolutely no control or responsibility, than it does about how either of them feel about you. your dad might have been very interested in hearing that letter *after* he had finished ordering the pizza. but as you know, once you start fighting with someone you have problems with it can be *really* hard to stop quickly.

i know it's probably really hard to even *think* about talking to them about this, but your parents need to know how their fighting is affecting you and your brother. maybe you could write them a letter (but give them each their own copy so they can't fight over when to read it! ). Or maybe you could print out what you posted and give them each a copy.

most of the time adults don't really understand what effect their fighting has on the children in their lives. and if your parents *are* having marital problems, they're probably too wrapped up in those to realize that those problems are affecting you and your brother too.

these are just my thoughts on what you posted--i might be completely off-base (i've never met any of you and i wasn't there), but i hope this is a little helpful.