How do I project a positive, friendly persona?

I like people. I want people to like me. But I’m very shy and sometimes very quiet and sometimes people have taken that as if I’m a snob and even a nasty person.

I’ve also made a lot of mistakes (mostly mistakes that most people would call “trivial” - Papa Bear and a few friends who know me well know that I’m kind and loving...) over my rather long life and it’s hard sometimes not to ruminate on those and beat myself up harshly.

How do I become a “better person”?

How do I become a more likeable person?

Fuzzy,

I told myself I needed to stay away from PC for a while (not post) yesterday but I am breaking that goal for myself for you. You were one of the first people who responded to me when I first posted at PC in May or June 2016 (Mysterious )--your responses are always so kind. You have a vulnerabilty about you and when you see anyone hurting--you are always responsive. I find that extremely likable.

I think my friendly persona may be based on being a bit incompetent but willing to own up to it and laugh at it. This story from where I currently work is a good example. In NFL games, only very small bags can come in unless they are in a clear bag so we can more easily search them. Media are allowed to bring in large bags with their camera gear. At a game, I had been searching through a bunch of media bags. Then a older couple came through. I searched his camera bag and allowed him entry then when I saw his wife's bag, I told her she must go check it or take it to her car. He started arguing with me that her purse should be allowed in. I listened but stuck to my guns, he did not leave. After a while a coworker noticed that his bag also needed to be taken back to their car. I admitted to him that I had missed this, apologized and said both bags could not come in. Because I admitted my mistake--he became awful but I listened because I felt responsible. The coworkers I worked with jumped into action--when he did not back off they had a police officer throw this crotchety old guy out. That I made that mistake did not crush me. That I easily too responsibility for it and allowed my coworkers to do what they do best (they are much tougher than me. ) built a lot of team spirit that day. We were all proud of ourselves because we knew each others strengths and weaknesses and that man deserved to be thrown out (I felt so sorry for his wife. ).

I think you also have likable traits (and are likely much more competent than me). You are always kind. You constantly reach out to everyone in a positive way. You are a positive, friendly person but just do not see it the way you should. You are not giving yourself the credit you deserve!!

I suppose what I was trying to say is figure out who you are and embrace it--even your weaknesses.

I’m so glad you started a post with potential for discussion. You usually just post kind supportive emoji’s.

Yes, shy can be mistaken for snobby. I had kids tell me I was stuck up in 1st grade. So, I learned to put on what I thought would make me more likable. I say hi and smile at everyone who wants to catch my eye.

I'm like this too. Especially with strangers. I've got to be in a great mood, to be more comfortable smiling at strangers, for instance. It's this weird thing for me. And I so desperately, at the same time, desire to be more friendly. I haven't cracked the code on this one yet.

I guess I don't have any advice, except, what you said in your post, makes sense. Being shy is not a bad thing. Maybe try reminding yourself of that. Who knows, maybe you're not as unapproachable as you think.

You do, Fuzzy Bear!

I'd think the better question is how does a bear stop ruminating over the past? How does a bear say to herself, whatever it is, just is and allow the water to just go under that bridge?

You have to be one of the most likable people on this site! You do it by being friendly, supportive, and kind. You don't need to change *you* or become a better person, you are already a good person. Tweaking a couple of small behaviors could change other people's impressions.

It's tough to overcome the inclination to be quiet in real life. Maybe start with smiling directly at people? Toss in a compliment or a positive statement about wherever you are or the weather? The smiling and a quick 'hi' shows willingness to engage, which makes people more likely to chat, which takes the edge off feeling alone and like no one wants to talk to you...

Sometimes I decide that it's okay to just be how I am and not engage and not beat myself up for it. Being social can take up a lot of energy for introverts.

I think you're a very likable person

Just saw this now. Yes you are likeable in your many posts and messages you reach out to people and they respond, so you do make connections on here.

I know RL can be a little more complicated but the same idea applies, reaching out, being open those are all positive and friendly traits. Gentleness may be one of your greatest strengths (I have recognised it as one of mine) be proud of who you are and what you offer.

Well said!