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Member Since Mar 2018
Location: nyc
Posts: 2
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#1
Hey everyone! I am new here -bby Mely- and I found this community to be awesome, so we can help one another and I need help. Ok, so I am going through a situation right now that I would like others point of view, because I feel guilty and kinda left-out. So, the story is.. I have a friend/ guy that likes me & we know each other for about 3 years now and we get along so well and have a great chemistry together. As a partner/boyfriend, we have tried to get to know each other in that sense, but honestly what holds me back is that he has two kids already, well that's another story & I don't feel too attracted physically. Back to the story, I have a girl- friend that we've been knowing each other for quite a while now, I met her at a doctor's office I worked at years ago and we continue being friends, and I introduced her to the guy that likes me a few months back and we are all cool. We go out together, chill-in, watch movies, etc. and I know what you're asking.. does she likes him!? Well NOT that I know of.. shes a good friend; advises me all the time, and she was kinda happy I made up my mind of telling her that I don't think I could be in a relationship w/ him due to his age and kids. So, before.. when we were trying to be a couple etc., I was noticing that they were talking and meeting-up too much, as friends though.. and recently, he invited me to his sister's house which I had met before.. and I was a bit busy & told him that I'd get to him later and we could see if it was possible.. So I reached out to the guy and I find out that he went to his sister and didn't tell me before hand, so I was like ok cool.. i wanted to go, but at that point is like well.. ok.. So, next thing you know is that my friend send me a message on whatsapp and then delete it and I go on and say hi etc., and shes telling me shes having dinner and what not,, and im like cool, so call me later lets talk. And next thing im reading is that she is at the guy's sister house eating dinner. So this is when I am bothered, annoyed and feel left out.. Because he didn't even tell me if I could go, but as soon as she wrote to him asking his status, he told her that he was at his sister's and his mom was there as well visiting the country.. and since she's leaving soon.. my girl-friend wanted to meet her, because my friend is cool like that. But at the same time I'm here wondering why he's so close to her and prioritize it soo much, like extra. And when I asked him, he was like oh! because I thought you were busy and since she contacted me and wanted to meet my mom. So to end the story... I was soo mad, not because i'm jealous of my friend.. but because she appears all the time, when im next to him, she calls him.. when im about to tell him something about my girl friend.. he already knows the details.. Can you guys please tell me what you think about this situation? And sorry for the length of the story, I wanted to be as detailed as possible. |
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MickeyCheeky, Skeezyks
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
Posts: 10,938
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#2
Well, from what you have said it sounds like you met a guy who is not what you have in mind for a relationship. And then, perhaps inadvertently, you introduced him to someone who might have a guy like that in mind. You did something good, even if that was not your conscious plan at the time.
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bbymelyx3
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Magnate
Member Since Jan 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 2,456
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#3
Sounds like him and your friend are hitting it off, maybe developing into a more serious relationship. Seems to me that your a bit jealous you liked knowing he liked you and now he's moving on and your peeved. Well it's a normal reaction really but that's likely what is happening.
__________________ Son: 14, 12/15/2009 R.I.P. Daughter: 20 Diagnosis: Bipolar with Psychosis. Latuda 100 mgs. |
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bbymelyx3
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Disreputable Old Troll
Member Since Oct 2015
Location: The Star of the North
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#4
Hello -bby Mely-: My thinking on this is that, realistically, there's no way to know for sure what's going on between your male friend & your girlfriend. Time will tell. What you do have control over is your own reaction to the situation.
You said you had decided this man is not someone you would want to develop a relationship with. So my thought would be to simply let happen whatever is going to happen, if anything, between your two friends & move on. Yes, it's possible you're experiencing a twinge of jealousy yourself. That's just human nature. Simply acknowledge it, breathe into it, perhaps smile to it, & allow it to be there until it fades of its own accord. This is a practice that is referred to as "compassionate abiding". Here's a link to a nice description of it: https://mindsetdoc.wordpress.com/201...e-abiding-101/ I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit. I don't know, of course, if you're here simply seeking advice with regard to this particular concern or if you plan to continue posting. However, should you be planning to continue on (we hope you do)... may I suggest you introduce yourself over on PC's New Member Introductions forum? Here's a link: https://forums.psychcentral.com/new-...introductions/ There's a lot of support that can be available here on PC. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are the chat rooms where you'll be able to interact with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) So please keep posting! __________________ "I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
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bbymelyx3
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New Member
Member Since Mar 2018
Location: nyc
Posts: 2
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#5
Thank you so much for your advice. I actually did that, and decided to move on. I will be introducing myself soon!! & Thank you for the info.
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