I need space

So I know communication is a big issue with most relationships, but what do you do if you're legitimately trying to communicate but it goes in one ear and out the other?

My wife has always been an emotional person. She struggles with her own demons and I've always been there to help her out (although admittedly I do get frustrated because she often stresses out over very irrational things continuously), but lately I've fallen into a depression of my own and I'm having a hard time helping her. I'm trying my best to keep myself afloat and then on top of that, I have to deal with her stress.

Now the thing is, she's a nurse so she works very long hours, but she gets a LOT of days off. And if she doesn't get many days off, she'll request them to spend "more time with me". She even wants to change her career to something in which we get to spend more and more time together. Which I'm glad she loves me, but sometimes it gets a little overwhelming. Especially with how emotional she's been lately.

There's NO WAY I can tell her that I need space without her taking it the wrong way. We've kind of had this discussion in the past when we were dating. Now, I understand (especially as I'm going through a depression myself), that people like her need a lot of maintenance, but I'm ashamed to admit, sometimes I get a little exhausted trying to put out the same fire over and over again. Anytime I'd ask her to give me a little space, she would always jump to the same conclusion:

"you don't love me anymore"

We've had this discussion on a few occasions and everytime I try, I'm trying to assure her for the next two months that I love her and that I'm just the kind of person that needs alone time every now and then. Too much human interaction can get a little overwhelming for me. I talk to my mom maybe once a week and besides my wife, she's the closest person to me.

I tried starting this conversation by telling her how much I love her and how much I appreciate her and that I'm glad she's going to be in my life forever. I then skillfully transitioned into the topic that I wanted to talk about without even using the word "but". Same result.

It's really never bothered me THAT bad, but I was always kind of afraid of a situation like this one in which I just can't deal with it.

But what REALLY irritates me is that she's addicted to sex and if she doesn't get it, she'll lock herself in the bathroom and start crying and then doesn't speak to me for the rest of the day. Now as I'm going through a depression, my sex drive is practically nothing as I don't feel like doing much of ANYTHING really. Which means she's been spending a lot of time lately crying and that really doesn't help my situation at all. I've tried speaking to her about this on many, MANY occasions, but she denies that she does this at all even when I point it out to her AS she's doing it.

So I'm sort of at a loss. I've started just trying to put on a happy face all the time and forcing myself to spend lots and lots of time with her, but it really makes me feel worse. And I don't want to hold back everything that I'm feeling just to spare her feelings. I wish she understood what I try to tell her and not always take it as a personal attack. Any suggestions?

Hi Trombean,

I’ve continuously been in this situation before with significant others. Where I’ve been the center of their support and universe. It’s overwhelming and can be too much. I too have communicated I need space, with them overreacting and taking it the wrong way with the idea that I was going to break up.

Actually I just had a relationship end a week ago for that very reason. She could not give me space and recover from the negative thoughts she had without me to uplift the situation.

That being said, I do hope for your situation to improve. I was not married to those individuals, so I can’t say what to do or what not to do.

Maybe couples therapy would be best?

I would try couple's therapy