[Dentash]

Been in a relationship with the girl of my dreams for about 1.5 years. It's been 3 hours long distance because we are both in grad school. We see each other often and our lives are very much a part of each others in a healthy way. We dated in undergrad and I broke it off because I wasn't sure what I was gonna do after undergrad and we didn't live in the same state. 3 years after we started dating again after meeting up with each other for coffee. Since then, we've had our fair share of issues like dealing with past hookups, me calling her out on things, and my insecurity leading to disrespect to her in ways that are unwarranted. Long story short every step of the way it seemed like she had to guide me to a more elevated a more self. All of this conflicted solely caused by me throughout the months is a direct result of my insecurity, compulsiveness, anxiety and impulsiveness to talk about certain topics multiple times when they should have been a one-time talk maturely and been done with. There was a time when things were really bad, BUT now our main issue is after all things that happen little instances still linger when even certain topics come up she just can feel 100% happy about things the way she did before. And I feel im in a position where I've just about "lost" her. I know for a fact she loves me very much and I love her and I have to man up. She still wants to give me a chance because she sees a future with me and knows what I can offer but when things happen that is clouded. The solution is very much in myself than anything.

So, what to I do now? Has anyone been through this with someone and have you overcome it. It is time to stop being a boy and start being a man and taking control of my emotions and actions. I appreciate your replies. And in worst case scenario, I can actually start a journey of personal growth.

[idksf]

Originally Posted by Dentash

Been in a relationship with the girl of my dreams for about 1.5 years. It's been 3 hours long distance because we are both in grad school. We see each other often and our lives are very much a part of each others in a healthy way. We dated in undergrad and I broke it off because I wasn't sure what I was gonna do after undergrad and we didn't live in the same state. 3 years after we started dating again after meeting up with each other for coffee. Since then, we've had our fair share of issues like dealing with past hookups, me calling her out on things, and my insecurity leading to disrespect to her in ways that are unwarranted. Long story short every step of the way it seemed like she had to guide me to a more elevated a more self. All of this conflicted solely caused by me throughout the months is a direct result of my insecurity, compulsiveness, anxiety and impulsiveness to talk about certain topics multiple times when they should have been a one-time talk maturely and been done with. There was a time when things were really bad, BUT now our main issue is after all things that happen little instances still linger when even certain topics come up she just can feel 100% happy about things the way she did before. And I feel im in a position where I've just about "lost" her. I know for a fact she loves me very much and I love her and I have to man up. She still wants to give me a chance because she sees a future with me and knows what I can offer but when things happen that is clouded. The solution is very much in myself than anything.

So, what to I do now? Has anyone been through this with someone and have you overcome it. It is time to stop being a boy and start being a man and taking control of my emotions and actions. I appreciate your replies. And in worst case scenario, I can actually start a journey of personal growth.

Your situation sounds similar to what I was feeling when me and my boyfriend of 3 years started dating. Before we became exclusive, he had hooked up with several girls while we were just talking, and even though I knew we weren't exclusive, it gave me so much anxiety and dredged up a lot of insecurities for me. After we became exclusive, the anxiety and insecurity continued to haunt me for a long time. Even being reminded of that time would make me physically sick and anxious. I know your situation may not be the same as mine, but what ended up helping me was time, communication with my boyfriend, and building up my own self-esteem. I would keep bringing up my trust issues and anxiety about that time in conversations with my boyfriend, and even though it sucked to talk about it, I was able to get consistent reassurance and support. Also, if you really care about her, you NEED to work on your own self-esteem and insecurities. It's not her job to fix you, you need to work on yourself. It's impossible to have a healthy relationship with someone else, without having one with yourself. What helped me was regular exercise, eating well, having good relationships with friends and family, and having activities that you're passionate about. I really hope it ends up working out for you!