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Default Mar 13, 2018 at 09:58 AM
  #1
Please, tell me. I'm curious
For me, relationships with "emotionally mature" people seem scorning, or that my judgement of an "emotionally mature" person is wrong
Now I don't want to make this thread about me. I want to hear how it's like

EDIT - Now as for my judgement of "emotional maturity" which I would like some criticism for, is that it seems like another excuse to judge other people for their behaviors, even from the "emotionally mature"'s side

Last edited by Anonymous50987; Mar 13, 2018 at 10:20 AM..
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Default Mar 13, 2018 at 10:45 AM
  #2
I think emotionally mature people are less reactive. If someone insults them, they can just let it roll off them. If they can’t get their way, they give in and don’t throw a fit.

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Default Mar 13, 2018 at 01:30 PM
  #3
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Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian View Post
Please, tell me. I'm curious
For me, relationships with "emotionally mature" people seem scorning, or that my judgement of an "emotionally mature" person is wrong
Now I don't want to make this thread about me. I want to hear how it's like

EDIT - Now as for my judgement of "emotional maturity" which I would like some criticism for, is that it seems like another excuse to judge other people for their behaviors, even from the "emotionally mature"'s side
Tish's comment is a good one and is SO true of emotionally mature people. That, and they don't fight with you on ridiculous matters. They own up to any poor behaviors and know how to apologize and admit when they are wrong. They also don't take their frustrations out on you or others. Emotionally mature people know how to process their emotions and handle them appropriately rather than in hurtful/harmful ways.

I am not sure what you mean by them being judgemental of others? When have you encountered this type of behavior? I have not. Emotionally mature people, as far as I have witnessed and experienced, simply don't put up with emotionally immature people's behaviors. They walk away instead and don't even bother feeding into the persons' nonsense.

A relationship with an emotionally mature person is like a breath of fresh air!!! It's like living on a whole different planet! It is absolutely necessary for a healthy relationship to exist, imho. I don't know where you are getting the scorn from, but that does not sound like an emotionally mature person at all.
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Default Mar 13, 2018 at 02:10 PM
  #4
I also want to say that fairly emotionally intelligent people can be pushed to be quite infantile. I developed temper tantrums from dealing with a man who repeatedly made false promises and lied to me and suckered me back in until I sunk to a toddler.

And now I am picking myself up off the floor and moving on!

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Default Mar 14, 2018 at 12:14 AM
  #5
I wouldn’t say I am emotionally mature.
Someone once insulted me and while I appeared unmoved, it bothered me.

I have a problem with the term “emotional maturity” though. It’s as abstract as “good and evil”. being composed with opinions rather than solid facts. It makes it hard for me because I just don’t know how to fit in

I remember some people with a good emotional maturity. They were kind to be with. However people who are less mature were harder to be around and I’d feel bad when around them at times. Some were not very social, some were hinting or passive aggressive when something was wrong to them instead of saying directly, which I did not like.

For example, someone at the GYM told me “You know people don’t interrupt others while exercising, right?”, when I asked him a question while exercising.

It didn’t prevent me from being a person who asks questions while people exercise, but I did conclude “That person surely doesn’t like it when others interrupt him while exercising so I won’t interrupt him again”

Or this one person who’d tell me to check the notebooks when I asked multiple questions, or “it’s in the computer”. Hated those kind of answers, selfish ******people (excuse my vent).
But I was not smart myself, I could’ve been more considering when it comes to giving help

Last edited by TheWell; Mar 17, 2018 at 09:22 AM.. Reason: Edited to bring within guidelines
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Default Mar 14, 2018 at 02:27 AM
  #6
I suppose the term “maturity” would suffice. To say “emotional maturity” is over-selling the point, as maturity pertains to emotions any way. You probably get irked by that little extra stab in that catch phrase term.

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Default Mar 14, 2018 at 02:55 AM
  #7
I get annoyed by the catch phrase because of all the over focus on many psych terms - emotions, mental, intellectual, physical, cognitive, what not
As if there are always things to focus on and you’re never good enough
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Default Mar 14, 2018 at 06:41 AM
  #8
Emotional maturity and maturity differ slightly:

Emotional maturity
is defined as how well you are able to respond to situations, control your emotions and behave in an adult manner when dealing with others.

Definition of mature: fully developed in body or mind, as a person: She was a mature woman who took her family responsibilities seriously.

In psychology, maturity is the ability to respond to the environment in an appropriate manner.

They seem to be close in definition but emotional maturity deals more so with emotions and our reactions to emotionally charged situations.
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Default Mar 14, 2018 at 07:09 AM
  #9
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Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian View Post
So emtional maturity are defined aspects of people by which one can determine someone who is emotionally “mature”, aka “saturated”/“full”/“perfect”
From my experience with emotions, they have not only “maturity”, but also “strength”. Some people’s emotions can sound more powerful than other people’s emotions.
For example, someone who while may express his anger calmly, because of his emotional strength he can “pierce” the anger to the other person allot more easily and in a way which is less noticed until the least powerful person has a breakdown or a degration for instance
I am not understanding your example very well, but I think you may be misunderstanding the definition of emotional maturity.

An emotionally mature person does not cause another to break down. An emotionally mature person handles others' emotions with care, concern and delicacy.

"... behave in an adult manner when dealing with others" means treating others with an adult-like maturity. This does not mean causing breakdowns in others... that is emotional manipulation, power and control over another.

It seems to me, and I may be off, but those you have dealt with in life whom you think are emotionally mature in fact have been arrogant about their maturity level and also use it as a weapon of power over others. That's just the sense I am getting. That is NOT emotional maturity -- that is about emotional abuse.
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Default Mar 14, 2018 at 08:39 PM
  #10
I don’t think breaking down or degrading others is a sign of emotional maturity.

Emotionally mature people are able to handle confrontation or frustration or other life events without stooping low: degrading themselves or others or otherwise behaving inappropriately.
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Default Mar 16, 2018 at 09:10 AM
  #11
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Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Yes, I found that for myself, I remember when any critique would make me very defensive and I would angrily argue with it. I think part of emotional maturity is accepting that we will make mistakes, and that's okay, and if someone finds we make a mistake, thanking them for teaching us.

I think another sign of emotional immaturity is someone who seeks to escalate a situation versus dissipate and solve it. Someone who seeks to "win" versus grow. I dunno, this is just my definition.
That’s another problem I have with the emotional maturity concept - there’s NO objective guidelines, but only the subjective views of each of us.
https://www.google.co.il/amp/s/www.p...emotions%3famp
According to the article, emotions consist of happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, surprise, anticipation and trust
Emotions can be both expressed and explained. And they can also be controlled

I’ll try to give a more objective and overall definition of emotional maturity - “A full understanding and fulfillment of the field of emotions”.
Let me try - I can say I am happy about taking my decisions in life, sad when I am not getting what I want, particularly a romantic relationship. I am disappointed I can’t fix a relationship although I really want to
I am disgusted by people who are critical of others yet do not go by their criticisms
I am happy whenever I get a reply here, am sad when I don’t get replies in my threads

Well, I am not really emotionally mature regarding the sensation of emotions. However I pride myself on my intellectual levels and I hope people will learn to look BEYOND emotions to find and fulfill our potentials
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Default Mar 16, 2018 at 07:01 PM
  #12
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Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian View Post
That’s another problem I have with the emotional maturity concept - there’s NO objective guidelines, but only the subjective views of each of us.
https://www.google.co.il/amp/s/www.p...emotions%3famp
According to the article, emotions consist of happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, surprise, anticipation and trust
Emotions can be both expressed and explained. And they can also be controlled

I’ll try to give a more objective and overall definition of emotional maturity - “A full understanding and fulfillment of the field of emotions”.
Let me try - I can say I am happy about taking my decisions in life, sad when I am not getting what I want, particularly a romantic relationship. I am disappointed I can’t fix a relationship although I really want to
I am disgusted by people who are critical of others yet do not go by their criticisms
I am happy whenever I get a reply here, am sad when I don’t get replies in my threads

Well, I am not really emotionally mature regarding the sensation of emotions. However I pride myself on my intellectual levels and I hope people will learn to look BEYOND emotions to find and fulfill our potentials
Emotional maturity is also the ability to recognize your emotions and manage them. I don't think it's possible for people to fulfill their potential without emotional maturity, and that's my opinion. I'm not sure what you mean by looking beyond emotions, but if you come to me with your emotions out of control, that's your issue. I can't attempt to assess who you are or what you're trying to do if all you do is throw your emotions at me or use your emotions as a weapon, like so many with anger issues do.

The people I know who are not emotionally mature or not working towards emotional maturity seem to be very unhappy with their lives and very out of control. That's just my experience.

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Default Mar 16, 2018 at 07:33 PM
  #13
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Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Emotional maturity is also the ability to recognize your emotions and manage them. I don't think it's possible for people to fulfill their potential without emotional maturity, and that's my opinion. I'm not sure what you mean by looking beyond emotions, but if you come to me with your emotions out of control, that's your issue. I can't attempt to assess who you are or what you're trying to do if all you do is throw your emotions at me or use your emotions as a weapon, like so many with anger issues do.

The people I know who are not emotionally mature or not working towards emotional maturity seem to be very unhappy with their lives and very out of control. That's just my experience.
Where do you conclude that my emotions are out of control?
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Default Mar 16, 2018 at 09:08 PM
  #14
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Originally Posted by seesaw View Post
Emotional maturity is also the ability to recognize your emotions and manage them. I don't think it's possible for people to fulfill their potential without emotional maturity, and that's my opinion. I'm not sure what you mean by looking beyond emotions, but if you come to me with your emotions out of control, that's your issue. I can't attempt to assess who you are or what you're trying to do if all you do is throw your emotions at me or use your emotions as a weapon, like so many with anger issues do.

The people I know who are not emotionally mature or not working towards emotional maturity seem to be very unhappy with their lives and very out of control. That's just my experience.
I only read 1 of the 'you' s as singular, the rest as the plural sense of 'you'?
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Default Mar 16, 2018 at 09:23 PM
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Where do you conclude that my emotions are out of control?
I meant you as in general "you" as in someone coming to me not necessarily YOU.

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Default Mar 16, 2018 at 09:24 PM
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Originally Posted by healingme4me View Post
I only read 1 of the 'you' s as singular, the rest as the plural sense of 'you'?
Yes, I meant like in general "you" as in another person. Not the OP specifically. I don't know the OP well enough to say his emotions are out of control.

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Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
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Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...
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Default Mar 17, 2018 at 02:50 AM
  #17
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Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian View Post
That’s another problem I have with the emotional maturity concept - there’s NO objective guidelines, but only the subjective views of each of us.
https://www.google.co.il/amp/s/www.p...emotions%3famp
According to the article, emotions consist of happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, surprise, anticipation and trust
Emotions can be both expressed and explained. And they can also be controlled

I’ll try to give a more objective and overall definition of emotional maturity - “A full understanding and fulfillment of the field of emotions”.
Let me try - I can say I am happy about taking my decisions in life, sad when I am not getting what I want, particularly a romantic relationship. I am disappointed I can’t fix a relationship although I really want to
I am disgusted by people who are critical of others yet do not go by their criticisms
I am happy whenever I get a reply here, am sad when I don’t get replies in my threads

Well, I am not really emotionally mature regarding the sensation of emotions. However I pride myself on my intellectual levels and I hope people will learn to look BEYOND emotions to find and fulfill our potentials
Perhaps this is a type of emotional immaturity which I am trying to recognize and overcome:

I sometimes feel like I am responsible for my husband or children's emotions, reactions, and actions to a much greater extent than I really am. I am just not that powerful!! This mistaken feeling/belief has caused me and my family a lot of problems from my POV. (It is likely one reason I attempted. ) I can think of times in the past when others are emotionally upset--well, I sometimes mirror their emotions and get all caught up with it. It is an example of having terrible emotional boundaries. I may have even done this in some of my PC interactions!!
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Default Mar 17, 2018 at 02:58 AM
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Yes, I meant like in general "you" as in another person. Not the OP specifically. I don't know the OP well enough to say his emotions are out of control.
Should’ve used “someone”, although I get those kind of mistakes
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Default Mar 17, 2018 at 07:35 AM
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Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian View Post
There’s a beautiful Zen lesson about what is going on here, about two monks and a woman.

Here’s the fable:
A senior monk and a junior monk were traveling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monks were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side.

The two monks glanced at one another because they had taken vows not to touch a woman.

Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his 
journey.

The younger monk couldn’t believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and an hour passed without a word between them.

Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could contain himself any longer, and blurted out “As monks, we are not permitted a woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?”

The older monk looked at him and replied, “Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her?”

And here’s the link, with the conclusions:
Two Monks and a Woman - a Zen Lesson | KindSpring.org
I like that fable so much!
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Default Mar 17, 2018 at 10:08 AM
  #20
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Originally Posted by Vibrating Obsidian View Post
Should’ve used “someone”, although I get those kind of mistakes
I didn't make a mistake. You misinterpreted.

I'd also like to point out that I used the conditional "if" so I made no conclusion that your emotions were out of control. I speculated about a possible situation using "if" which means "should this situation happen," meaning it is a possibility, not an inevitability. To make that conclusion, I would have had to say "when."

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What if I fall? Oh, my dear, but what if you fly?

Primary Dx: C-PTSD and Severe Chronic Treatment Resistant Major Depressive Disorder
Secondary Dx: Generalized Anxiety Disorder with mild Agoraphobia.

Meds I've tried: Prozac, Zoloft, Celexa, Effexor, Remeron, Elavil, Wellbutrin, Risperidone, Abilify, Prazosin, Paxil, Trazadone, Tramadol, Topomax, Xanax, Propranolol, Valium, Visteril, Vraylar, Selinor, Clonopin, Ambien

Treatments I've done: CBT, DBT, Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS), Talk therapy, psychotherapy, exercise, diet, sleeping more, sleeping less...

Last edited by seesaw; Mar 17, 2018 at 10:12 AM.. Reason: addition
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