[SorryShaped]

Why are women so freaked out by my lack of time being divorced? It doesn't make sense. "It's only been one year? You have so much to heal. No, I won't go out with you."
Yeah, and about 20 years of a total shite situation that I finally decided was enough. I don't get why or what they mean.
I need explanations please, because they generally cut me off even as friends after I've asked them out and get THAT question. Maybe I'm a lot uglier than I'm being told. Grumble

[FallDuskTrain]

Yes being divorced for only one year seems short. Healing usually takes time unless you had already moved on and had started your healing process while married which is rare. However outsiders don’t have the way of knowing this. Most of the time, it takes a long time to recover from a ling marriage and most don’t want to deal with anyone else’s baggage. Usually people who have been divorced for a short time (and yes one year could be considered as short by most) come with a hefty baggage. So the long answer to your question is that others want to play it safe and they don’t know your divorce journey.
I think for most the question comes down to this: did he move on and is he ready to get into another serious and committed relationship?

You're not ugly! The thing is that nobody wants to be the rebound. They keep their distance for fear of being hurt, not because you have done anything wrong. However in my opinion a year is a lot of time to heal. Do you talk about your ex to other women at all? Either positively or negatively?

[SorryShaped]

I don't know if I want to be serious yet. I can't get to know someone enough to find out. It's like when you're 16 and trying to get a job "but you have no experience" nonsense!

Originally Posted by FallDuskTrain

Yes being divorced for only one year seems short. Healing usually takes time unless you had already moved and had started your healing process while married. However outsiders don’t have the way pf knowing this.
I think for most the question comes down to this: did he move on and is he ready to get into another serious and committed relationship?

I enjoyed how you said it was short and I said it was long. Perspective I guess. Lol.

[FallDuskTrain]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

I enjoyed how you said it was short and I said it was long. Perspective I guess. Lol.

Exactly perspective.
I have been completely single for more than a decade. I guess this information gives you a bit more perspective on how I perceive the time required to heal :-)

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by TheSadGirl

You're not ugly! The thing is that nobody wants to be the rebound. They keep their distance for fear of being hurt, not because you have done anything wrong. However in my opinion a year is a lot of time to heal. Do you talk about your ex to other women at all? Either positively or negatively?

To volunteer info, no. If they ask, sure. I'll answer anything. I even told an RL friend in messenger about the SA from my childhood. She's the first person I ever told that sees me in real life beyond you awesome people. They may not want to go down the rabbit hole that's my psyche, but the door is open. Learning to be open has been the hardest thing of my life, but I'm facing all my demons, and if you've read enough if my posts, there are a lot of forking demons.
I've had the "rebound period" which was fun and disgusting at the same time. I might be looking to be serious, but I would have to get to know someone enough first.
Not getting a chance or being given one is the worst of all punishments for not having done anything wrong other than say "I like you. Would you like to go out?"

[HappierEverAfter]

I started dating my partner days after her divorce. She told me she had done her work while separating, I believed her and it's been great for both of us.

If it's true, I'd tell dates you've done your work. If not, do it!