[DazedandConfused254]

The world in general has just made up its mind it hates me and that people don't care. After a couple of years of wasting my life on half-hearted people who say they care about me in general but ended up proving otherwise I am confused and afraid of digging myself further into a hole with crazy nuts while overlooking the people who do love me. Prepare yourselves for the stupidest question youll receive all day. How can I determine through word, thought and action that people truly care about me?

[healingme4me]

I keep reading and rereading your post and question and keep trying to think of how to answer or if there is even an answer(?). I kept hoping, too, in my own mind that by now anyone or someone would have jumped in and tried? :\
All that comes to mind is, historical context? Action/words over time = truthful display?

[ShadowGX]

"How can I determine through word, thought and action that people truly care about me?"

I don't think there's a surefire way to tell. One thing I look for is a person who makes an effort to come to me, they don't expect me to do all the seeking.

That said, I care a lot about the people I get close to, but I don't always have the energy to be there for them 24/7. Even when I can be there for them, there are limitations to what I can do for them, and sometimes I make it worse by trying when I'm unable to help. I think they key is being able to determine intent.

[LiteraryLark]

Give others kindness, treat people with dignity and respect, listen to others, put others before yourself, forget the expectation that the world owes you anything, and youll find that the more you show care and kindness youll receive it more and more.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by ShadowGX

"How can I determine through word, thought and action that people truly care about me?"

I don't think there's a surefire way to tell. One thing I look for is a person who makes an effort to come to me, they don't expect me to do all the seeking.

That said, I care a lot about the people I get close to, but I don't always have the energy to be there for them 24/7. Even when I can be there for them, there are limitations to what I can do for them, and sometimes I make it worse by trying when I'm unable to help. I think they key is being able to determine intent.

Thanks for your kind words friend.

I think I have felt the same way too

[eskielover]

I NEVER get close to people quickly. I take time to observe & see who they really are & what they are like over time. I never jump to conclusions one way or the other unless the person comes across as a real jerk.

I can be good acquaintance friends & do things for them but my truly close friends hold BASICALLY the same values & beliefs as I do which is the foundation of our friendship in the first place.

[bpforever1]

"A friend in need is a friend indeed." If people stick around when you need them in times of trouble or despair, then they really care and are friends.

The Oxford English Dictionarydescribes a friend as, "a person with whom one has a bond of mutual affection, typically one exclusive of sexual or family relations"

Well that's just great! I knew it, but refused to comprehend it. Haha

[Sassandclass]

Actions speak louder than words when it comes to friendship. In fact, actions are screaming at us to pay attention. If someone proves over time that they are loyal, caring, and compassionate and that they are willing to put effort into being friends with you then they are a good friend. Other than that, people come and go in life 🤷🏻*♀️

[MickeyCheeky]

There's no way to know for sure. But a person who care will show it and will always be there for you..

[TishaBuv]

You can tell simply by observing word, thought, and action. Are they saying encouraging words? That means they care. Are they thinking of you and let you know that? That means they care. Are they acting like they care by listening to you, being with you, smiling with you, etc...? That means they care.

People who don’t care, don’t give you word, thought, or action. That’s that.

I have always experienced that people are around in my good times but at low times there are few. I don’t think it’s you personally. I think everyone is dealing with their own issues. I try to let go of expectations of others and I don’t trust that people will be around in hard times.

[s4ndm4n2006]

there's no way to tell in short order whether someone cares or not since it's something that has to be proven over time. it's not something you can figure out in the instance or a single conversation.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by Sisabel

I have always experienced that people are around in my good times but at low times there are few. I don’t think it’s you personally. I think everyone is dealing with their own issues. I try to let go of expectations of others and I don’t trust that people will be around in hard times.

Thanks so much for saying this. I know its selfish for me to take things personally, but as someone who has a problem with this I needed to see this. Takes all the pressure off!

[Seneca1854]

Perhaps you are looking at it in too much of a binary way. It seems you are sorting people into those who care and those who do not. Do you think it would be helpful to think in terms of how much individual people care about you? Also, it might help to look first at how much, say Person A cares about Person B, before you bring yourself into it.

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

Thanks so much for saying this. I know its selfish for me to take things personally, but as someone who has a problem with this I needed to see this. Takes all the pressure off!

I don’t think it’s selfish to take it personally. It’s pretty normal. I think a lot of us tend to feel this way. It’s hard to see the big picture and especially hard if you’ve never had a very good support system. There are many times I’ve had to really talk myself out of resenting people for not being there for me when I thought they should. I am still trying to be a better friend to myself and not place expectations on others. It’s not easy.

[Medusax]

I don't get close to people quickly, either, I am like eskielover. However...the FEW people I have in my life are real and do care, and that is why they are in my life. You just have to find your "own". I am a loner by nature. I like to be in my own company most of the time, and my closest friends are pretty much the same.

Originally Posted by Medusax

I don't get close to people quickly, either, I am like eskielover. However...the FEW people I have in my life are real and do care, and that is why they are in my life. You just have to find your "own". I am a loner by nature. I like to be in my own company most of the time, and my closest friends are pretty much the same.

You’ve got it right. I am not a loner by nature but I truly respect that you clearly don’t follow the crowd and worry about what others think or do. I strive to be better at this.

[RascalCate]

Originally Posted by DazedandConfused254

The world in general has just made up its mind it hates me and that people don't care. After a couple of years of wasting my life on half-hearted people who say they care about me in general but ended up proving otherwise I am confused and afraid of digging myself further into a hole with crazy nuts while overlooking the people who do love me. Prepare yourselves for the stupidest question youll receive all day. How can I determine through word, thought and action that people truly care about me?

There are people who care.

I'm one of them.

My psychologist calls me the biggest empath he has ever met. Part of that comes from subordinating my feelings to others for so many years, and as I am so soft hearted and lived for so many years unable to experience compassion for myself, I did so through my compassion for others. But the major thing is, I truly care about people. A lot.

Are there many of us? I believe there are.

How to find us? First, learn to love yourself. Learnt to compassion with yourself. Know yourself. Enjoy being positive. Learn healthy boundaries with your relationships in your life. It's amazing (and empowering) how a polite "no" will quickly weed out people who will try to use you or hurt you. If you set high standards for yourself, you will attact more kind, positive people in your life, and help you discern when someone not-so-nice wants to hurt you.

Carry the positive with you, and put that out, into the universe. Put out that good, and someone that truly cares will answer. I should know. I have dozens of wonderful people in my life. And I live in the most isolated, rural setting possible.

[DazedandConfused254]

Originally Posted by RascalCate

There are people who care.

I'm one of them.

My psychologist calls me the biggest empath he has ever met. Part of that comes from subordinating my feelings to others for so many years, and as I am so soft hearted and lived for so many years unable to experience compassion for myself, I did so through my compassion for others. But the major thing is, I truly care about people. A lot.

Are there many of us? I believe there are.

How to find us? First, learn to love yourself. Learnt to compassion with yourself. Know yourself. Enjoy being positive. Learn healthy boundaries with your relationships in your life. It's amazing (and empowering) how a polite "no" will quickly weed out people who will try to use you or hurt you. If you set high standards for yourself, you will attact more kind, positive people in your life, and help you discern when someone not-so-nice wants to hurt you.

Carry the positive with you, and put that out, into the universe. Put out that good, and someone that truly cares will answer. I should know. I have dozens of wonderful people in my life. And I live in the most isolated, rural setting possible.

Thank you so much everyone for your thoughtful responses. Especially this and @Sisabel This is a real ray of hope and optimism for me

Originally Posted by RascalCate

There are people who care.


I'm one of them.


My psychologist calls me the biggest empath he has ever met. Part of that comes from subordinating my feelings to others for so many years, and as I am so soft hearted and lived for so many years unable to experience compassion for myself, I did so through my compassion for others. But the major thing is, I truly care about people. A lot.



Are there many of us? I believe there are.



How to find us? First, learn to love yourself. Learnt to compassion with yourself. Know yourself. Enjoy being positive. Learn healthy boundaries with your relationships in your life. It's amazing (and empowering) how a polite "no" will quickly weed out people who will try to use you or hurt you. If you set high standards for yourself, you will attact more kind, positive people in your life, and help you discern when someone not-so-nice wants to hurt you.



Carry the positive with you, and put that out, into the universe. Put out that good, and someone that truly cares will answer. I should know. I have dozens of wonderful people in my life. And I live in the most isolated, rural setting possible.

Love this ❤️