Okay I know how this sounds...

Me, too. Once I got out of that initial denial phase I was like yeah...this isn't where I need to be. And I deleted my accounts.

Sorry if I'm coming off cross. I'm not in a super duper great mood. I don't mean to take it out on anyone. I wake up thinking okay, today is the day I'm just going to be mellow. And then nope...I'm not.

We're not always what we want to become.
Gandhi said "you must become the change you wish to see in this world." Sometimes you can't do it, and it doesn't happen. Other times, you win a little. Either way, you started with an intent.
I wish everyone had a little giggle button so people could walk by and tap it for them. I would tap on yours a few times right now.

MAN, I'm trying so hard. You don't even know. That's the only thing that keeps me going, that tiny tiny little seedling inside of me that always tries to reach up to the sun. In my worst moments, it tells me "Things have never been so bad that you've never come out of them"

I was homeless in Balboa Park, San Diego as a 10 year old sleeping on cardboard. And I still had hope that things would turn out okay some day. I slept around in my early 20s believing no one could love this ugly body. But I still believed it would one day be okay. I prayed and prayed that it would one day be okay, and it's not really okay still, but I've traveled to some of the places I never thought I'd go, I became a nurse (which I never thought I'd do), and I'm only months away from finishing my BSN and even fewer months away from hitting the road to go anywhere I please and get that traveler money, honey. I have options that I didn't have 15 years ago when I had NO money, and no hope. It's going to be okay.

It has never NOT been okay for me, even when the **** pile has been so high that I couldn't see anything BUT the **** pile. I'm sad, I don't know if I can make it through a 12 hour work day right now, let alone three in a row (my god, how). But it'll never NOT be okay, because it always is.

And to J? The guy who abused me? Karma is a *****, honey. You reap what you sow.

You have just approached the Universe as it approaches you. "It will be ok"
The optimism is your post really overpowered the negativity. It made me say "wow!"

I think I understand what you are saying.

Someone understands something I said!? Holy forking shirt balls! The Universe is saying it will be ok