[graystreet]

I sent a message to my aunt a few days ago on FB. She was basically like my mother, but we'd had a falling out some time ago over some things which I could talk about here, but is a long story.

After this happened, I friended her and sent a message saying, "Can we at least be FB friends?"

She blocked me.

So. That's the status of my family relationships.

[lady411]

Well there some to be a discrepancy of information about the past incident.

[graystreet]

Originally Posted by lady411

Well there some to be a discrepancy of information about the past incident.

I don't understand this statement.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by graystreet

I don't understand this statement.

I think this poster probably means that aunt maybe sees past events (re falling out) bad enough not to reconcile.

[graystreet]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I think this poster probably means that aunt maybe sees past events (re falling out) bad enough not to reconcile.

She was totally pleasant and chipper and chatty and huggy and affectionate when I saw her at a family get-together last summer. In fact, she sought ME out.

The situation, in a nutshell, is that my bio dad and sisters found me way back in the middle 2000s when MySpace was still a thing. Until then, I had no connection to them. Well, my dad had no connection to my childhood. No child support, no nothing. We had no idea where he even was. He had remarried and had 3 other girls after my mom left him. To be fair, my mom liked to disappear and move around a lot. However, when she left him, she moved back to her hometown--for SEVEN YEARS. When we reunited in my thirties, he told me all these stories about how he couldn't find me, even used his lawyer brother to find me and every year on my bday he and the girls would talk about me. Yeah, ********. Meanwhile, my mother was horribly abusive, and we were homeless more often than not due to the fact that she couldn't support both of us.

When he asked about growing up with my mother, I began to tell him, plainly, what it was like and he said, "I don't want to hear anything against your mother. She was a great woman." WHAT?!! You didn't live with her for 15 years until being put into emergency foster care because she disappeared off the face of the earth, effectively abandoning you!

My aunt (the one in question, my mother's sister, NO blood relation to my father and sisters) pushed and pushed and pushed me to meet him until I had to tell her, listen. This is MY blood, and MY decision. I am a thirty-something year old adult. If you continue to force it, you will put a rift between us that cannot be repaired. She backed off--or so I thought. Her friends tell me that she continued to manipulate behind the scenes without my knowledge. In 2011, I booked a trip to see my dad and his family for Thanksgiving. I was very excited. My dad invited my to come live in Las Vegas if it all went well. Long story short, it did not. We did not see eye-to-eye. He basically wanted to parent me immediately, but I was already an adult, and had my own ideas about what I wanted to do. And he tried to discipline me... I was like, really??? You don't have that right. Where were you all these years??

The issue I had with my aunt, who had been like a mother to me since my mother fell off the face of the earth (is bipolar and very out of touch with reality) is that she continues to have a very strong relationship with my father and his family. She spends holidays with them, while I spend holidays alone. The sense of betrayal for me was, in a word, overwhelming. Just once, I wanted my family to ****ing stick up for ME. I know I was in my thirties, but I was STILL the child in this situation, and I felt like, never once did anyone listen to what was best for me. Never once did they have my back. Not once did they say hey, we are on YOUR side. I asked her gently to please choose me. I told her that it bothered me. She just laughed and waved it off.

When I was in nursing school, I needed her so badly. I was struggling as any nursing student does (totally normal), had very little support, and asked her constantly to call me (i always went to voice mail). She had time to call her friends...to call my father and his family...but months would go by and I'd never hear from her. THIS WOMAN WAS LIKE A MOTHER TO ME. I was heart broken over and over again. My friends finally told me you either need to accept that she isn't giving you what you need, or cut her from your life. So I made the decision to choose my own mental health, and told her I needed to cut her from my life, and why. Because she was choosing my father's family--who is MY BLOOD--over her own flesh and blood. She always says "But he's my brother in law." No he isn't! He hasn't been since 1978! And her friends even tell her she made a huge, huge mistake with this one.

I don't want the same relationship with her as before. I think it's too toxic. But this is my AUNT. I am the only niece she has. I'm the end of the line. Shes in her 70's, and I just wanted to at least keep the lines of communication open. That's all.

[graystreet]

Sorry. That was long.

You should ask my about my mother sometime.

I know it sounds like everyone is against me and I play the blame game. I probably do...but I do have a really effed up family, which goes back generations. I could have chosen to stick it out with them, but the walls I put up just couldn't deal anymore.

[divine1966]

Sorry it must be painful. It’s weird. If she was chipper and huggy last time she saw you, why blocking you now? Granted Facebook isn’t real communication imho. Do you have her phone number?

[graystreet]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Sorry it must be painful. It’s weird. If she was chipper and huggy last time she saw you, why blocking you now? Granted Facebook isn’t real communication imho. Do you have her phone number?

I do. But it used to take her months to call me back, and then when I'd see her she'd be all, "Uh, what? I never got the message you called..."

I seem to be surrounded by these weird people.

Not like I'm not weird, so *shrug*

[graystreet]

My family has absoultey no concept of mental illness. They barely understand my uncle's bipolar I disorder which is very, very real. Like, running down the street in his underwear paranoid that the government is listening in through TVs real. My mother is bipolar and borderline. They'll sort of get the bipolar thing, but when I talk about borderline personality disorder, I can see their eyes glaze over. My oldest sister (younger than me) likes to use that Dr. Seuss quote, "You have a brain in your head and feet in your shoes, you can move yourself any way you choose!" I'm paraphrasing. It's like, really? You grew up with two NON CRAZY PARENTS!! All of my sisters have normal, long-term relationships. The contrast between them and me is stark. How are you going to tell me that ISN'T a factor of upbringing at least a little bit? I've worked my *** off to get where I am. Yes, I've quit sometimes because things have gotten overwhelming--but it's also because i have NO SUPPORT! Do they have an idea of what it's like to have no family? NO! They have a mother, father, sisters, aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents. I have none of that. I'm navigating this on my own WITH a serious mental illness. And you know what? NONE of them have graduated college. So I'd like them to kindly shut up about directing my steps. I'm doing my best.

Having a career means nothing without love, however. And all I've ever, ever wanted was family. That's where J came in. That's why it hurts so badly. Because it was all a lie, like hahaha, you'll never be good enough. No one wants you. Just look at your REAL family. You're a throwaway. Even your mother wanted to abort you. She just couldn't.

Which is true...she'd had 2 before me, they'd refused to do a third.

[greentires4me]

My dad told me a couple years before he got sick that I was a “bastard” child an unplanned pregnancy! He said he only stayed because it was the right thing to do. But he didn’t expect my mother to turn into a narcissistic biotch whose abusive and incredibly horrible.

After my dad died it was like I became non existent and nuisance to my sister and mother. I am horribly treated by both they don’t understand how can it so much when you ask to borrow money and they are like “for what and why and how much?” It’s like a simple $5 how incredibly hard is that?

I used to lend to my sister all the time and no questions asked! Because that’s what sisters do now I get twenty questions.

I am PTSD and BPD with psychotic features. I don’t agree with BPD diagnosis!