[SorryShaped]

I've failed as a parent. None of my kids or grandkids bothered to wish me "Happy Easter." Not one call. Not a text. Nothing at all. Maybe I really was as bad as my ex made everyone, even me, believe

[crushed_soul]

While I am unaware as to your situation, SorryShaped, it seems highly unlikely that you failed as a person simply due to your kids and your grandkids not wishing you a "happy Easter." Whether or not "success" and/or "failure" is even applicable to the act of raising children and parenthood and can be determined with any accuracy, one single event/moment/scene in life does not necessarily define you as a parent entirely if at all.

After reading and analyzing your post, the possibilities of your ex badmouthing you, engaging in a smear campaign against you, conditioning others and the perspectives of others to not talk to you and more seem to be the case.

I empathize with you and wish for you to be well. The day is not done, nor is change not possible.

[Open Eyes]

(((SorryShaped))),

It's still Easter, you should send them a text and wish them a happy Easter and just let them know you love them. Don't wait for them to do this, take the initiative yourself as after all you are the parent and you should not "just" wait for them to extend their well wishes and they may even be saying you never called them too, don't give them that, "text them".

[graystreet]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Maybe I really was as bad as my ex made everyone, even me, believe

I believe that is simply a cognitive distortion. And untrue.

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

I've failed as a parent. None of my kids or grandkids bothered to wish me "Happy Easter." Not one call. Not a text. Nothing at all.

None of my friends or family reached out to me. I a) reached out to family friends about getting together for lunch, and they happily said it sounded like a fantastic idea, and then took me to lunch, which I wasn't expecting. b) no one texted or called, so I texted a few friends and my sister and said "Happy Easter..." they all happily texted back, and engaged in conversation.

My point is that sometimes people just get caught up in their own little worlds, even our close family. People are self-absorbed, and I don't mean that to sound negative or rude, but we all are to an extent. I truly believe that, if you reach out, they'd respond.

PS I'm sorry you are feeling badly. FWIW, Happy Easter.

[seesaw]

I didn't send Easter messages with anyone. My mom sent me a text saying Happy Easter, but, being depressed and anxious, I didn't respond yet. I don't celebrate religious holidays. So I don't send greetings or anything to anyone on holidays.

I agree, if you want to connect with your kids and grandkids, you can send them holiday wishes. It shouldn't be dependent on them sending texts or phone calls to you. In fact, the one thing that always bothered me the MOST about my father and his side of the family is that they always expected me to reach out to them. If we hadn't spoken in a while, and I finally reached out, I got the third degree for not talking to them more often, when they were retired and I was the one working a full time job and volunteering and doing other things. They never did anything to cultivate a relationship with me, but expected me to always be calling them regularly. They were just these people that I sort of new as relations of my father, never spent time with me, and somehow thought it reasonable that I call them like once a week to tell them about my life and submit myself to their interrogations and judgments. Yeah...it wasn't going to happen.

If you want to hear from them on a holiday, go ahead and text or call them.

[Crazy Hitch]

I'm sorry no one wished you

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Crazy Hitch

I'm sorry no one wished you

Others did, but none of my kids. I didn't initiate either. I wanted to see if they cared. Sometimes we shouldn't ask questions we don't want to know the answer to.

[Carmina]

tbh it never occured to me to wish anyone 'happy easter', nor did I receive messages wishing me this from relatives. Maybe this is more a US (or Christian?) thing?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by Carmina

tbh it never occured to me to wish anyone 'happy easter', nor did I receive messages wishing me this from relatives. Maybe this is more a US (or Christian?) thing?

Ok. If we narrow things down by going only to "Christian thing," one kid, his wife and two of their kids didn't do anything. They go to church, but know I don't and why.
I didn't raise my kids religious and left that to them to decide on, but my example put forth was that religion is bull5#!+ made up by man for controlling others. Me present take of "religion is ok as a philosophy but not a way of life is acceptable" I've not told anyone really because they never asked and the conversations that I do have don't go in those directions. Usually I'm just there to fix something.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Others did, but none of my kids. I didn't initiate either. I wanted to see if they cared. Sometimes we shouldn't ask questions we don't want to know the answer to.

Judging whether or not they care by whether or not they contact you on a religious holiday when you say yourself you didn't raise them as religious seems like a flawed litmus test.

Here is a thought, if it seems way off base, please disregard. It seems like you may have unreasonable expectations from them. Maybe that's why they don't call very often? Maybe hearing that they don't meet your expectations just makes then feel bad so they avoid calling? Maybe you can start to mend this by calling them and not discussing your expectations with them but letting that alone. Eventually, when they see the judgment has subsided, they will.prpbably begin to reach out on their own. I found this true of myself with my mother and grandmother.

Seesaw

[divine1966]

If you aren’t practicing Christian, why would you care about them wishing you Happy Easter?

[SorryShaped]

Originally Posted by divine1966

If you aren’t practicing Christian, why would you care about them wishing you Happy Easter?

Well technically, Easter is one of many non-religious holidays that the Christians stole from others so they could force their own religion right on top of the pagans' belief structure. I still believe in the magic of Spring, where everything is anew and Mother Earth opens her heart for us all to see the beauty once again. We always celebrated it throughout their lives anyway. Since the divorce however, everyone became very distant to me. It's worsened by my ex living with four of my kids, not the other way around. I don't like going over there for that reason alone. She creeps the hell out of me.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by SorryShaped

Well technically, Easter is one of many non-religious holidays that the Christians stole from others so they could force their own religion right on top of the pagans' belief structure. I still believe in the magic of Spring, where everything is anew and Mother Earth opens her heart for us all to see the beauty once again. We always celebrated it throughout their lives anyway. Since the divorce however, everyone became very distant to me. It's worsened by my ex living with four of my kids, not the other way around. I don't like going over there for that reason alone. She creeps the hell out of me.

Can you see your kids on a neutral territory? I understand being uncomfortable around ex.

Are they all four live together? All grown?

[SorryShaped]

All grown. And yes, all four together. I suppose I didn't teach Independence very well but sticking together for the better of all I freaking nailed. The oldest of those four bought a house with another and rent to the other two. They allow my ex to live there because she's so in debt that she'll never get out and doesn't take care of her health very much (smokes, drinks, diabetes to the point of insulin pump, eats crap including candy constantly). Unfortunately, they will all have to watch her die. That really sucks.
Two other kids don't live with them.