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Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: limbo
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#21
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but you underscore my point about the importance of fb friendship. This is YOUR value and expectation, but not necessarily his. Also the obligatory stuff because you're family? Shoot I don't even have fb friendships with my family because you know what? (well when I had fb active) most of my personal **** is none of their business since our values differ and our lifestyles. Thing is, just because I was born to the same parents does not make us compatible people or automatic fb friends for that matter. If you loosen your rules about this facebook friendship stuff you'll have quite a lot of stress removed from yourlife. |
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FallDuskTrain, Middlemarcher
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#22
Facebook is a pretty impersonal way to make contact - especially for important occasions like a birthday. Telling him in person or by phone is a more appropriate way to do so anyway.
I would be uncomfortable being a Facebook friend with a young person - relative or no relative. It feels like such an invasion to me. I have seen things I would much rather not see and I have been the one to do the unfriending. Likewise, he may have been uncomfortable with you seeing his college/university lifestyle. Don't take this as a personal slight. It is probably a good thing you aren't connected on Facebook in the first place. Finally, please don't take social media so seriously. I can't stress enough that it is not a replacement for direct communication. While Facebook is fun, and a nifty way of being in the loop, it should by no means be a primary source of maintaining contact. So, use the phone. Mail a greeting card. Wish that happy birthday in a way more personal. |
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s4ndm4n2006
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#23
TY.... an alternate perspective is good!
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#24
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#25
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RubyRae
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#26
My brother blocked me on Facebook. I have no idea why and I just assume it comes down to self care. That's why I unfriend people. If you are upset don't waste time speculating, just ask him. It may not even be what you think it is.
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Anonymous40643
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#27
Awwww, that is awful. I am sorry to hear it. Maybe I WILL ask him. I am not sure. I'll think on it. HUGS.
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Anonymous50909
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Perpetually Pondering
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#28
I like the idea of asking what's up with the unfriending.
So What if you told him to live it up? Can he not just politely say thanks, then add but that's not his lifestyle? It was wishing him well. |
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
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#29
Unfriending sounds upsetting. But I really don’t understand needing to wish happy birthday on Facebook. You can call or text or email or visit or take him out. I don’t understand why happy birthday must be on Facebook? Are you upset that others would notice you didn’t wish him happy birthday or upset you cannot wish it (which is easy to fix outside of Facebook). I just don’t grasp the Facebook issue. Now if he refuses to talk to you in real life, then it’s truly is upsetting.
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#30
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healingme4me
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#31
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#32
I didn’t know that’s how many people communicate these days. Lol just kidding.
It’s just if you two aren’t close and never call each other and likely don’t know much about each other, then I’d personally try to have more closeness with him in real life, and less about Facebook. Maybe I am wrong on this but that’s how I’d approach it. My husband and I just laugh at Facebook escapades-he has some bizarre family members getting into it. Taking it seriously causes people too much drama and chaos and pain. I am glad he responded via text. So ask him how school is going. My older nephew struggled a bit first year in college (he is a very successful engineer now) so hearing from concerned aunt and maybe some valid advice would be helpful to build up closeness (my older nephew doesn’t listen to advice much- he just would out of politeness, but middle one listens and asks for suggestions). So you never know. But I digress. Good luck |
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Anonymous40643
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#33
Hmmm, you say nephew so this is a sibling's child? A sibling that married someone like your father possibly who has a problem with boundaries?
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#34
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#35
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Legendary Wise Elder
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#36
Well, then your nephew is sensitive and the only thing he knows how to do right now is unfriend anyone that rubs him the wrong way. That's become a trend now with this facebook and the younger generation his age.
It's also important to keep in mind that when someone grows up under the influence of a narcissist, they can learn to use some of the behaviors this narcissistic parent used and narcissists are famous for "cutting people off" when they are not getting their needs met or their self esteem built up. Also, if he is just a freshman in college, he still has some insecure narcissism himself because that simply where his maturity level is at right now at his age. |
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#37
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Good points about narcs cutting people out. He very well may mirror some of his dad's behavior! And yes, he is still young. |
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ɘvlovƎ
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#38
Maybe he IS going to party it up but doesn't want family knowing
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Grand Magnate
Member Since May 2015
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#39
Try not to read to much into it. If he’s living with narcissistic parents who knows how he might react to a well meaning message. I agree with those who suggested that you ask him directly. I’m not at all discounting the hurt that you felt by his actions. I would be hurt too. But we all do hurtful things sometimes
__________________ Eat a live frog for breakfast every morning and nothing worse can happen to you that day! "Ask yourself whether the dream of heaven and greatness should be left waiting for us in our graves - or whether it should be ours here and now and on this earth.” Ayn Rand, Atlas Shrugged Bipolar type 2 rapid cycling DX 2013 - Seroquel 100 Celexa 20 mg Xanax .5 mg prn Modafanil 100 mg |
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#40
Hehe. My whole entire family is SO down on the party scene that they have completely discouraged him from even venturing down that path. Perhaps he IS and is hiding it as you suggested! Ha -- but it wouldn't explain him unfriending me.
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