[seesaw]

So three years ago I asked my stepdad to ship my flute to me so I could start playing again. He said sure but that he wanted to give it an overhaul first (he repairs instruments). So three years later, yeah, no flute.

I bugged him about it a month ago and said I'd be happy to pay to finish the overhaul but I really want it already. He said he'd work on it. I texted him today to ask and offer again to pay to get it done since I know paying work takes precedence. He said he'd have it done in two weeks.

I don't want to appear ungrateful, but I just want the flute back. I'm not.mad at him for not getting to it. I appreciate him.trying, but it's gone on too long now. And he's busy, I get it.

What do I say to just finish this business and get him to send it?

Btw he has ADD, which sometimes gets in the way of him completing projects.

Seesaw

[healingme4me]

Maybe a phone call? Telling him how much you appreciate his talents and generousity in helping? But it's a bit of an urgent nature to get it returned?

[Wild Coyote]

I would also call him, often. I'd call him 3 times a week until the flute is in my hand. I'd be nice about it; yet, persistent.


WC

[seesaw]

Well, that seems a little much, WC. I will mention it when I call them as I do every week and ask for an update though.

I mean, I'm not being rude in asking him about it, am I?

[carcrashonrepeat]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Well, that seems a little much, WC. I will mention it when I call them as I do every week and ask for an update though.

I mean, I'm not being rude in asking him about it, am I?

I don't think so. The flute belongs to you. Sure, it's nice of him to fix it up for you but if you want your flute back, then it shouldn't take 3+ years.

Maybe if you give him a gentle deadline. Like, "Hey, can you ship the flute back to me by the end of this week? Is Friday good? I'll give you a call to remind you the morning of." You can even pay him back for tracking if that helps to imply that you're expecting it at a certain time.

[s4ndm4n2006]

I understand appreciating the gesture, but when someone promises to fix something all on their own and 3 yrs later it's not done is in a way, a broken promise. your impatience at this point isn't even unreasonable.

[Wild Coyote]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Well, that seems a little much, WC. I will mention it when I call them as I do every week and ask for an update though.

I mean, I'm not being rude in asking him about it, am I?

No, not rude.

I had thought he was having troubles remembering to finish it. My parents would love to get a call from me 3x week. I definitely wasn't talking about being aggressive or rude... just not my style to pursue anything in that vein.


WC

[s4ndm4n2006]

I would honestly say no.. because of the length of time, you're not being rude at all. in fact me, I'd just say send it now please. don't fix it. it's fine.

[healingme4me]

Nope, not rude at all. His hesitation at this point is slightly concerning to me, but your request is certainly not rude.

[Bill3]

If you start to call regularly, be careful not to make it so that they actually benefit from keeping the flute.

I wonder if humor could help, funny emails, gifs?

[Teddy Bear]

I don't think it's rude to ask about your flute

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Bill3

If you start to call regularly, be careful not to make it so that they actually benefit from keeping the flute.

I wonder if humor could help, funny emails, gifs?

I call and visit pretty regularly. And he and I text funny GIFs pretty regularly, so it's not like I don't talk to them. I mean, I just spent a month with them in Feb/March...they see me more than they'd like to, I bet.

Maybe I should threaten to visit until he's done repairing it!

[seesaw]

Thanks all for the feedback. I guess the background here is that they have been very supportive of me. My mom and I, up until 2015, hadn't spoke in about 4 years because of an incident. They have been very supportive of me since I have been struggling with PTSD, depression, and GAD, and even helped me out financially, loaning me some money (which I paid back already) while I was out of work this fall.

So I guess I just don't want to see ungrateful that he's doing this for me. But yeah, it's gone on too long.

Seesaw

[rechu]

I'd ask again, I mean it's your flute. Just see if you can find a nice way to phrase it.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Thanks all for the feedback. I guess the background here is that they have been very supportive of me. My mom and I, up until 2015, hadn't spoke in about 4 years because of an incident. They have been very supportive of me since I have been struggling with PTSD, depression, and GAD, and even helped me out financially, loaning me some money (which I paid back already) while I was out of work this fall.

So I guess I just don't want to see ungrateful that he's doing this for me. But yeah, it's gone on too long.

Seesaw

It sounds like they've done a lot for you but I may be saying something you don't like here. It's a tendency with people that support us that we feel obligated to accept things more so when they have gone out of their way for us or helped us in some ways. Some of this is natural and normal and even deserved (by the people that have supported us) but sometimes and I fear it may be the case here, we feel overly obligated to them and even afraid to say or do anything that might deem us "ungrateful". They helped you, sure and I know you actually are grateful. Hopefully they already know this but be careful of putting them on a pedestal and being worried about saying anything that might imply they dont' actually do EVERYTHING right. I say this coming from a place of having done the same things with my family in the past. Their good points should not make them immune from having faults.

Your father with good intentions has promised to do something for you but at the same time has not made it a priority of his. That kind of gives me mixed feelings about the whole deal. after 3 yrs the fix that I'm sure would take just several hours to do kind of doesn't seem very important to him.

You can be assertive (lol coming from me you should chuckle) and be respectful at the same time. Tell him the truth and ask for it back .. you've already offered to pay for the work. There is some credence to the idea of being the squeaky wheel too... just a thought.

[Shazerac]

Maybe you could just go get the flute? I’m kind of surprised you didn’t do that when you visited them. I don’t think it’s rude to want your flute back.

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

It sounds like they've done a lot for you but I may be saying something you don't like here. It's a tendency with people that support us that we feel obligated to accept things more so when they have gone out of their way for us or helped us in some ways. Some of this is natural and normal and even deserved (by the people that have supported us) but sometimes and I fear it may be the case here, we feel overly obligated to them and even afraid to say or do anything that might deem us "ungrateful". They helped you, sure and I know you actually are grateful. Hopefully they already know this but be careful of putting them on a pedestal and being worried about saying anything that might imply they dont' actually do EVERYTHING right. I say this coming from a place of having done the same things with my family in the past. Their good points should not make them immune from having faults.

Your father with good intentions has promised to do something for you but at the same time has not made it a priority of his. That kind of gives me mixed feelings about the whole deal. after 3 yrs the fix that I'm sure would take just several hours to do kind of doesn't seem very important to him.

You can be assertive (lol coming from me you should chuckle) and be respectful at the same time. Tell him the truth and ask for it back .. you've already offered to pay for the work. There is some credence to the idea of being the squeaky wheel too... just a thought.

Yes, you are completely right.

But apparently this conversation is now moot. Today, before I even did anything to remind him, he texted me pics of him working on the repairs and it should only take him a few hours. So clearly he prioritized it and realized it had been a while.

I'll casually mention it in my next call just as a reminder, but it looks like maybe I was just being overly-sensitive.

Seesaw

[seesaw]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

Maybe you could just go get the flute? I’m kind of surprised you didn’t do that when you visited them. I don’t think it’s rude to want your flute back.

Yeah, I know, I don't know why I didn't either. I guess I just didn't think of it at the time.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by seesaw

Yes, you are completely right.

But apparently this conversation is now moot. Today, before I even did anything to remind him, he texted me pics of him working on the repairs and it should only take him a few hours. So clearly he prioritized it and realized it had been a while.

I'll casually mention it in my next call just as a reminder, but it looks like maybe I was just being overly-sensitive.

Seesaw

well I'm glad he's doing something now and that's all it took was your last conversation. I still dont' think you were being too sensitive because up to now it really was a pretty long time. I'm happy and hope he finishes it soon

[Bill3]

I think that, given the length of time you have waited, you are not being overly sensitive at all.

I am glad that he is moving forward now!