[Vilatus]

Hi everybody.

I had a session with my therapist recently, and after years together she feels we've unearthed the root of my problems. I agree, and to be entirely honest I've somewhat known, but now I'm scared to go further.

As a child I went to a private school, and I was a generally shy kid because I hadn't had any siblings or cousins my age to interact with. This turned into relentless bullying every day from my classmates, from kindergarten through 4th grade. It was mostly the girls in my class, who bullied me for being a tomboy, and because I was ugly. (I'm not completely white and they were, so there were comments on skin color) When I made friends with the boys in my class, the girls would often tell them not to play with me because of this or that reason. This led to me being completely socially isolated, and I never learned any social skills as a result. I've always hated myself as a result as well. And yes, I did tell my parents and my teachers, multiple times, but they didn't believe me.

I'm almost 20 now, and one of my main causes of depression is that I have very few friends. I don't know how to make friends, and I'm afraid of people my age. I'm constantly lonely.

I guess I just wanted to get this off my chest and see if anyone has any suggestions for moving forward from here.

Thanks in advance.

[Aviza]

Well i also went to private school i was chubby and picked on as well. I had one friend who in 4th grade decided not to invite me to her birthday party, we were best friends. I quit school after that went to public got picked on worse. I have a club foot run super slow. Teachers even commented. Still i was always hated by the world and even still am in many ways.

[avlady]

i feel for both of you. I was very shy as a child, bullied and made fun of because i had red hair, my sister didn't help either as she was the one that would start the trouble too. Now im not as bad i am alot older now and can see it was not as ba as i thought it was then. now i am almost a senior citizen, nd glad i went through that as it toughened me up.

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to some of your struggles. It's a good thing that you've discovered this - now it's time to start healing, finally.

[Loose Screw x 2]

It's okay. I too was a very quiet and shy child who endured much bullying but, it didn't toughen me up. It did make my dark side darker though.
Much, much darker.
Next time you talk about bullying you need to put a trigger warning on your thread, okay?
I just had to delete a bunch of stuff that my dark alter revealed.
I know you didn't mean it but, please be more careful next time.
By the way, tomboys are cool. We never liked girly girls. Don't be ashamed of having been a tomboy. Tough girls are awesome.

[mugwort2]

I relate to all of you who were bullied in school. I too went to a private school and was bullied as well. One of my problems is Tourettes Involuntary movements. I used to make facial grimaces, wiggle my nose, jerk my head etc. IDK who said this "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger"Yes it is time for the healing to begin" Wishing you much successs on your healing journey.

[pachyderm]

Originally Posted by Vilatus

Hi everybody.

I had a session with my therapist recently, and after years together she feels we've unearthed the root of my problems. I agree, and to be entirely honest I've somewhat known, but now I'm scared to go further.

You don't have to push into "going further". Let it come.

[cool09]

I never heard of a therapist who dug thru the past to find problems. All my psychologists did with me was stare at me.