Secrets in the restroom

seesaw · May 06, 2018 at 10:08 AM

I wasn't trying to enforce a pro-porn perspective in your marriage. My question was more intending to ask if your husband shared this belief and value, and if you had discussed it before marriage? Because placing an ultimatum on the marriage when he doesn't share the belief sounds unfair to me.

Of course, the lying is a whole separate issue. He shouldn't make commitments he doesn't intend to keep. And that he won't seek couples counseling, also concerning. I think the issue isn't as much about the porn as other deeper seated issues. Perhaps like coinciding values, trust, keeping promises, etc.

divine1966 · May 06, 2018 at 10:16 AM

How are things now lady?

lady411 · May 06, 2018 at 04:48 PM

Thank you for clarifying your comments Seesaw. I do appreciate your words. To be honest, porn and other related media were discussed prior to marriage because i remember the first time I caught him was before we got married. He was very apologetic, promised not to do it again, & even erased the app from his phone.
Yet he still has not been able to keep that promise. Many other promises come to think of it. I believe THAT is the underlying issue more than the porn itself.
I wish he was open to couples therapy but maybe when he sees how beneficial it is for me he will be open to it.

lady411 · May 06, 2018 at 04:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by divine1966

How are things now lady?

What concerns me the most Divine1966 is that the topic has not been brought up since that night. Argument after argument we continue to brush these important issues under the rug as if everything is back to normal. And trust me I understand completely how dangerous this could be in a relationship. This is where couples therapy would really be effective. Right now, we're betting on our marriage being still in the honeymoon phase, the powerful love we have for each other, and of course the great sex!
....Sooner or later these things fade or change.

Artchic528 · May 06, 2018 at 05:01 PM

Why don't you divorce him and find someone who agrees with your religious views. It's a lot easier, and less morally reprehensable than forcing someone to comply with your religious beliefs and making them keep the bathroom door open when they have to go use the toilet.

seesaw · May 06, 2018 at 05:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by lady411

Thank you for clarifying your comments Seesaw. I do appreciate your words. To be honest, porn and other related media were discussed prior to marriage because i remember the first time I caught him was before we got married. He was very apologetic, promised not to do it again, & even erased the app from his phone.
Yet he still has not been able to keep that promise. Many other promises come to think of it. I believe THAT is the underlying issue more than the porn itself.
I wish he was open to couples therapy but maybe when he sees how beneficial it is for me he will be open to it.

I can see how it would be really upsetting to you then. You need to sit him down and discuss it. Have some authority for yourself. Tell him the consequences. Not as an ultimatum, but just as a matter of fact, "I cannot be with you when you continue to do xyz."

I think talking about these unkept promises is really important.

Menu

My Support Forums - Mental Health Support Groups

Get emotional support and friendship from others like you!

Our community offers: No spam. No trolls. No social media connections.

Secrets in the restroom

My Support Forums

divine1966 Legendary Wise Elder Member Since Dec 2014 Location: US Posts: 22,807 (SuperPoster!) 9 1,292 hugs given	May 06, 2018 at 10:16 AM #22 How are things now lady?
	Reply With Quote