[eclairparty98]

Hello all

I've started dating again and there's this really nice man I've been speaking with who I'm supposed to be going on a date with. Tragically, I don't have therapy until after the date so I can't talk to my therapist about this

The apparent problem is that I'm being advised against this date because he is Muslim/from a Muslim family - I have no problem with this at all but because he's from a Muslim background and as he says originates from Saudi Arabia (an extremely strict country) my friends think he will attack me. You see, the thing is, I'm gay and we met on a gay dating site and so my friends reasoning is that he might either be gay and ashamed due to his Muslim background and may lash out at me or he's pretending to be gay on the site so he can attack gays because it's not acceptable to be gay and Muslim.

What's even more complicated is that my therapists says I can't trust my own judgment and should rely on the judgment of those closest to me - they're generally reasonable but this borderlines stereotypical/irrational. I think their concerns stem from our Muslim friends who can be very outspoken at times..

The date will absolutely be in public and everybody knows what he looks like and has his phone number "just in case" so I'm very cautious about this anyway as everyone should be going on a date

My belief is that it's okay to be gay and Muslim and I'm happy to date a Muslim man but I'm very aware of attitudes within Islam regarding homosexuals.. but my therapist says rely on others judgment, what would you say??? Thoughts will be so appreciated

[TishaBuv]

You could speak frankly with him before the date and feel him out about his experience of being Muslim and gay.

Your therapist saying you can’t trust your own judgment is more concerning to me. That’s no way to build up your self esteem. If there’s a reason you make awful choices, that should be taught to you rather than just making you rely on others opinions.

The public place and letting friends know is always a good idea for any first date.

[divine1966]

There are many different Muslims, some are more liberal than others. My long term significant other was Muslim and no point he was attacking anyone.

I’ve met some very militant Christians who I’d be rather afraid of and there are some intolerant Jews. And then there are some agnostics or atheists who are very nasty to other people. Bottom line is that you can’t generalize.

And I find advice of therapist a little weird. Don’t trust yourself but trust opinions of others? Hm

Ps attitude of fundamentalist Muslims towards homosexuality isn’t very different than fundamentalists of any other religion

[eskielover]

my therapists says I can't trust my own judgment and should rely on the judgment of those closest to me -

Maybe your T has seen that your own judgments have gotten you into trouble in the past & until you learn to have better personal judgment it is best to listen to those close to you. Shoot I have learned to trust my judgments now & I still use my support netwirk I am surrounded by as a sounding board & to pick up something I may not have thought about. There is nothing wrong with that no matted how good persknal judgments become. If we make decisions in the vacume of our own mind there will usually be problems with it.

attitude of fundamentalist Muslims towards homosexuality isn’t very different than fundamentalists of any other religion

actually it is the more liberal minded ones (not extreamists or the fundamentalists) that have like mindedness on this topic. Fundamentalists of the religions are the ones that hold with the original views of their religion.

Without really knowing this person better before dating you are leaving yourself open for those possibilities that others are pointing out. Maybe in this case it would be better to meet at a coffee shop sever times & get to really know this person before ever considering a date that is not in a public place of meeting. Then make your decision if you feel comfortable at that time. Personally that is what I would akways do anyway.

[~Christina]

If someone point blank says they “ might” attack me ???????

There is no reason on the planet to give a person a chance at all.

jmho of course

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by ~Christina

If someone point blank says they “ might” attack me ???????

There is no reason on the planet to give a person a chance at all.

jmho of course

I don’t think his potential date says he might attack anyone. OP’s friends think he might attack OP for whatever reason.

[mote.of.soul]

Hi. You say he's a really nice man - well, that's a start. All these other negative things from your friends sound more like racial profiling to me, discrimination, which I'm against. Yes, there's a risk to meeting new people, there's a risk to nearly everything, but I say give him the benefit of the doubt, eclairparty98. Go with your heart.

[eskielover]

Better to be safe than sorry.....just get to know the person in a public place a few times before going out in a formal date. It win't hurt anyone to do that & that way you can better tell what each otber is like. Shoot, I would do that under any circumstsnce if were me, not just your situation

[Wild Coyote]

As with any stranger, move forward with caution. There's no rush!
'I like Eskie Lover's suggestion re: meeting several times in a coffee shop and get to know each other.

Be safe!

WC

[~Christina]

Originally Posted by divine1966

I don’t think his potential date says he might attack anyone. OP’s friends think he might attack OP for whatever reason.

I see , sorry for my misunderstanding. Glad you pointed out my mistake

[eclairparty98]

Thank you, everyone, for the supportive replies - yes, I thought my therapist gave some strange advice but at the same time it's always good to get a second opinion regardless of how good your judgment is..

Anyway, things are going alright with him for the moment not exactly sure where it's going, haha. But I'm doubting he'll do anything horrible.. That's just my anxiety, I'm sure.

Exactly, mote.of.soul !!! Thank you so much for your response. Racial profiling, that's exactly what I thought. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt as you say pray I won't regret this

Oh and it turns out he isn't Muslim, he's atheist!!