[Kevra2778]

We had been close friends for 5 months. We hung out, did most of our activities together, etc. He dumped his girlfriend a couple of weeks after we met because the relationship was really toxic, and I saw how abusive she can be towards him. They had been together for 2 years. She sent him threats and pressured him to get back to her, but he refused. He later told me that they didn't have that much in common and he just doesn't hold any certain standards when choosing who to be with. He could just settle for anything or that's what he thought. She wasn't the first to end things in a horrible way, all of his past relationships were just disappointments.
He asked me several times about why he feels so lonely even when he's with his close friends ,and said that he's certain his existance wouldn't matter to any of them. I didn't give it much thought, as it didn't seem serious at the time. He confessed his love to me later on the fifth month. I thought he was rushing things at first, but I just gave in because I had feelings for him too. It was all good til one month later I mentioned giving our relationship a status, he suddenly freaked out and decided he's not ready and wants to be just friends. It was fine for me until he started he's cycle of contradictions. He, two days later, asked why did I change my lock screen photo (He took that photo on our first official date); I don't know why he expected me to keep it. He even checked several times to see if I had put it back.
He wasn't helping me get over him at all. He just kept flirting, saying 'I love you', and acting the same towards me like nothing happened. I warned him about that and asked him to abide by his own decision like I'm trying to do, but he just kept doing that anyway. He started to get really moody, need a lot of reassurance from me that I won't leave him, and ask me if I hate him out of the blue, and sometimes he says: "I know that you hate me." He stopped hanging out with his friends because he thinks his absence won't make any difference. He told me that his friends never contact him unless they need something, and I'm the only who actually wants to talk. I adviced him to find himself some new good friends, but he said that he had accepted them despite their selfish behavior. He stopped working out or doing any activity that he used to enjoy. He thinks a lot about this certain topic in an unhealthy manner. He becomes really needy and tells me that he loves me, but suddenly pushes me away and provokes me by telling that he never had feelings for me and that he doesn't need me at all, but then gets back to say the total opposite. He never states clearly what are his feelings towards me, he just changes the topic whenever I confront him. What should I do?

[Bill3]

Right now it seems that he frequently changes the way he treats you. He changes daily if not hourly.

How satisfied are you with the way things are now?

If you are not satisfied, then you could establish some boundaries with him. You could for example say that since you are not in a relationship you are no longer going to see him. That will help you get over him.

With regard to his mental health, does he see a therapist? If not, you could encourage him to see one.

[Kevra2778]

I can't say that I'm satisfied, but I don't want to leave him right after he had opened up to me. He was there for me when I needed some support. He just told that I'm his only friend which made everything even harder for me. He doesn't realize that he has abandonment issues, or rather doesn't want to admit it. I'll try to convince him though.

[Bill3]

You might want to read a bit about “emotional blackmail”. Basically, emotional blackmail involves people giving or threatening to give emotional pain if you don’t do what they want you to do.

There is a difference between giving support to a friend and becoming their de facto therapist with soft boundaries. And also it is unhealthy for him to rely on you indefinitely rather than to actually address his problems.

It sounds like you have a kind and loving heart. My suggestion is that you do more to include yourself in that kindness and love. You don’t have to endure emotional pain indefinitely in order to protect him. I suggest therefore that you have some sort of limit in mind, how long you are going to put up with him not being convinced, not seeking professional help. Without that, you are in danger of becoming his emotional prisoner.

[divine1966]

I don’t think he has abandonment issues but rather he is emotionally abusive towards you. I actually wonder if you might have abandonment issue, not him. I think with the way he treats you, you’d be better off ending it, not trying to convince him or hanging on to him.

[Kevra2778]

I don't cling on anyone nor do I have any problem with cutting off people who aren't supportive of me. I thought about ending it, but I'm afraid I'll just be another one on his list of disappointments especially that he hasn't opened up about such issues to anyone else.

[MickeyCheeky]

He seems certainly needy... I think he needs to see a professional - clearly you can't be a substitute for a real doctoro, so I'd say try to convince him, and if he still refuses, well.. you did everything you could.