[pacsmack]

Hello, I'm a psychology student and I have a question. This is about my personal life, I met this girl and we "fell in love", she lived in a toxic home where she was abused by her father and brother, we lived apart and that's why I couldn't do anything directly, we stayed on this relationship for about 9 months where she told me about all the atrocities her family did to her, I counseled her to find the police but she always would have an excuse to not do it, saying that she would be handed to child services and she would not want that. Then she found a ex-stepmother that helped her to start the process and gave her a home, as soon as it happened she abandoned me right away, I believe I was just used as some kind of "escape" from the reality she was in and soon as she found something better she didn't think twice to dump me.
She was diagnosed with, borderline disorder and moderate depression with suicides tendencies. Is that commom for someone with this disorders use other person like that? If not, there's a name or specific disorder that can explain this kind of behavior? Any thoughts on this?
I thank you in advance =D

[Erebos]

People with personality disorders, depression, suicidal tendencies can act in all sorts of ways.
Just as people without these things can do.

What isn't unusual is people trying to escape a bad situation or experience cutting ties with anything that reminds them of it or they associate with it.

Maybe she just wants to shed that bit of her life, and as you were a part of that it means letting you go too.

It doesn't mean you were used. Not all relationships are meant to last forever.
People grow, mature, change. They want different things,.
It's sounds like you did a good thing by this girl. You supported her through some tough times and gave her the support and strength to get out.

It seems part of that included letting you go as well. Doesn't make her a bad person. Just means she is looking out for herself, which is maybe what she needs,to do right now.

Perhaps you could look at ways of moving on. Forgiving her for hurting you and accepting she probably wasn't in a healthy place for a relationship.

Wishing you all the best.

Some people without disorders do this, use other people and drop them as soon as they have what they want/need

[Skeezyks]

Originally Posted by Erebos

People with personality disorders, depression, suicidal tendencies can act in all sorts of ways.
Just as people without these things can do.

What isn't unusual is people trying to escape a bad situation or experience cutting ties with anything that reminds them of it or they associate with it.

Maybe she just wants to shed that bit of her life, and as you were a part of that it means letting you go too.

It doesn't mean you were used. Not all relationships are meant to last forever.
People grow, mature, change. They want different things,.
It's sounds like you did a good thing by this girl. You supported her through some tough times and gave her the support and strength to get out.

It seems part of that included letting you go as well. Doesn't make her a bad person. Just means she is looking out for herself, which is maybe what she needs,to do right now.

Perhaps you could look at ways of moving on. Forgiving her for hurting you and accepting she probably wasn't in a healthy place for a relationship.

Wishing you all the best.

[divine1966]

We can’t really know why she left you. It doesn’t necessarily mean she used you. In my experience people with BPD sometimes use others and make their life he$$ but I’ve met people without BPD who use others just the same. We can’t know for sure. Maybe its just not meant to be

[pacsmack]

Originally Posted by Erebos

People with personality disorders, depression, suicidal tendencies can act in all sorts of ways.
Just as people without these things can do.

What isn't unusual is people trying to escape a bad situation or experience cutting ties with anything that reminds them of it or they associate with it.

Maybe she just wants to shed that bit of her life, and as you were a part of that it means letting you go too.

It doesn't mean you were used. Not all relationships are meant to last forever.
People grow, mature, change. They want different things,.
It's sounds like you did a good thing by this girl. You supported her through some tough times and gave her the support and strength to get out.

It seems part of that included letting you go as well. Doesn't make her a bad person. Just means she is looking out for herself, which is maybe what she needs,to do right now.

Perhaps you could look at ways of moving on. Forgiving her for hurting you and accepting she probably wasn't in a healthy place for a relationship.

Wishing you all the best.

This answer really changed the way I looked into the situation, thank you very much for that.

I still want to see others perspectives but this one already helped me a lot.

[crushed_soul]

I wish for you to be well, pacsmack and that you were indeed not used.


In my humble perspective, more info would need to be considered in order to attempt to judge if she used you or not, but I am not asking you to divulge more. With that said, you are most likely aware of your relationship with her and remember how ever much of it. Even with most of the history of the relationship aside, if you review the breakup, how she broke up with you, the circumstances and so on, that would also likely serve as a piece of evidence of if she used you or not.

[pacsmack]

Originally Posted by crushed_soul

I wish for you to be well, pacsmack and that you were indeed not used.


In my humble perspective, more info would need to be considered in order to attempt to judge if she used you or not, but I am not asking you to divulge more. With that said, you are most likely aware of your relationship with her and remember how ever much of it. Even with most of the history of the relationship aside, if you review the breakup, how she broke up with you, the circumstances and so on, that would also likely serve as a piece of evidence of if she used you or not.

I just got a gift from her that was supposed to arrive at my birthday, a bunch of letters written by hand, one for each situation and I also talked to her and she said that had to break up because on her new house she would have to abide to the rules. Everything is much clearer now, that's the new info I got, any thoughts?

[Erebos]

You know it sounds like she wants to get herself together.
Starting as she means to go on you know.
This relationship would not have been one-sided. Perhaps you can explore what you got from it too. What you learned about yourself, your feelings how you coped.

Every encounter we make with another can teach us something. Some last year's, others only weeks but each can show us something.

I hope you are able to find something worthwhile in this experience. You have shown good strength of character and I have no doubt that one day someone will be able to give back to you as much as you are capable of giving.

All the best.

[crushed_soul]

Originally Posted by pacsmack

I just got a gift from her that was supposed to arrive at my birthday, a bunch of letters written by hand, one for each situation and I also talked to her and she said that had to break up because on her new house she would have to abide to the rules. Everything is much clearer now, that's the new info I got, any thoughts?

I apologize for my lack of clarity in my post, which you quoted, pacsmack. I was referring for you as the only actor to review the breakup and its circumstances because you (not others, including I) possess the insight. For me and anyone else, at most, we barely have any bits and pieces of what transpired and how through messages on an online forum. The info is limited as is insight since we were not there for the event(s). So, it is extremely difficult for anyone else to try to determine if you were abandoned or not.

With that said, when you write, "...one for each situation," to what are you referring if you are ok with replying? Also, have you asked yourself and/or her what "rules?" You write that "everything is much clearer now." So, do you have a perspective on if she abandoned you or not? Does it not matter to you?

[Open Eyes]

It was good that you helped this girl. I am a bit concerned though with "we fell in love" when it comes to you. This girl was being abused, was very needy is that the kind of partner you want? It sounds like your relationship consisted of you constantly helping "her", she was not really providing you with a "healthy" relationship. Truth is considering what you have shared here of her dysfunctional family life, she probably doesn't even know "how" to have a healthy relationship. Watch out for these red flags because it won't be healthy for you to end up being the "caregiver" in your relationship, after all you have needs yourself, and her suddenly dropping you is proof that she is not really thinking of you the way a person in a healthier relationship would.

Other posters are right in that "learn" from this relationship and be honest about what it really consisted of for you. You sound young yet, keep studying psychology, there is much to learn and don't be so quick to give your heart away, LEARN first.

Originally Posted by pacsmack

Hello, I'm a psychology student and I have a question. This is about my personal life, I met this girl and we "fell in love", she lived in a toxic home where she was abused by her father and brother, we lived apart and that's why I couldn't do anything directly, we stayed on this relationship for about 9 months where she told me about all the atrocities her family did to her, I counseled her to find the police but she always would have an excuse to not do it, saying that she would be handed to child services and she would not want that. Then she found a ex-stepmother that helped her to start the process and gave her a home, as soon as it happened she abandoned me right away, I believe I was just used as some kind of "escape" from the reality she was in and soon as she found something better she didn't think twice to dump me.
She was diagnosed with, borderline disorder and moderate depression with suicides tendencies. Is that commom for someone with this disorders use other person like that? If not, there's a name or specific disorder that can explain this kind of behavior? Any thoughts on this?
I thank you in advance =D

Why does it have to relate to diagnoses all the time?
I'm personally getting tired of people judging someone based on diagnoses
Your first thought is what determines the truth - she used you, she was looking for a way out of a situation, she probably feels better enough to look for a different life now that she is free of a situation which has imprisoned her for some time

[Bill3]

Everything is much clearer now, that's the new info I got, any thoughts?

Now that you see her perspective, you don’t feel so used. Things don’t feel so personal.

I went to a training recently where they gave us Q-Tips. These were reminders for us to:

Quit
Taking
It
Personally

This was excellent advice and I try to bring it to mind whenever I am feeling hurt or mistreated.