Should I tell my husband?

If you would like a somewhat jealous man's opinion:
If my wife told me this,

First thing I would do is beat the p iss out of my friend.

Second would be to beat him some more. No questions asked.

I'd then hold it against her for eternity even though it wasn't her fault. And probably hold it over her head for a very long time. I wouldn't hit her as that isn't my style, but I'm sure I'd continually make digs about it.

If I found about it from someone else, all **** would hit the fan and there's no telling what would happen because that makes an unfortunate incident into a cover-up.

Just one man's opinion.

That was pretty much my fear...

His friend came over unannounced yesterday and tried to touch me again... It was really stupid on his part because my husband was in the other room... I yelled and my husband came out and got really upset.. (I guess he thought my husband was out)
So they got into a fist fight and my husband kicked him out... He was upset at me and kept asking what I did to make him think that was okay and I just broke down and told him everything..
He isn't really talking much today.. So I have no clue what he might be thinking... I don't really think asking would lead to a pleasant conversation either...

Man this sucks... I feel like I shouldn't have to worry... but I can't help it...

Yeah that's pretty much what I figured. Been there not alot of laughs. Glad I got the hell out.

No surprise that he instantly assumed it was something you had done.
Couldn't have been that his friend was just a total douche.
Don't like the way this is going.

Just a note from a girl who grew up in an abusive home.
I been hospitalized several times due to my partners, cos I grew up thinking you had to stick it out.

Remember you have a daughter who I hope you want better for.

I would go ahead and report the friend for the attack and warn other to stay away from this person. Have you thought about going to counseling and getting help from someone who specialize in trauma?

You should leave your husband

People like your husband do not changes. I have brother whom are like this I seen there spouse act like this. I lost a coworker through domestic is because her boyfriend beat her everyday she would leave him but he always sucker her back by threaten her family.

Block this person gather evidence against him file charges against him and your attacker. You have an animal right to protect yourself and the life of your offspring. Call the police for harrassment and stalking against your friend and your husband if they did once they will do it again.

You don't have to divorce him but you shouldn't have to live with him. If he an addict they rarely change. If he using call the police and anonymous report him that way the police can bring him in.

People like him don't change. They always blame the victim and not themselves. I work with several coworker who weep and beg us not to call the police after see an assaulting one was the coworker who did the abuse. Another I lost to domestic violence because she wouldn't leave her boyfriend.

I agree how many times have you been hit and he said he change? He hasn't changed. Will not change and never will change. If he love you he wouldn't abuse you.

He is hurting your daughter every time he hits you. I watch my nieces and nephews go through this. The best thing we could do was call the police and have my brother arrest and one of their spouses. Put the violence on record.

I guess you were all right.. I'm pretty sure it's over for good now...

We decided to go out for the night and get a hotel... We left my daughter with my mom.. we had a really nice day out and when we got to the hotel everything was going just fine... Then his ****ing ex-friend texted "yeah, I had fun too. Can't wait to see you again" completely out of the blue...
Of course my husband saw it first and lost it immediately... I tried to tell him I didn't know what the hell he was talking about.. that I never texted him or anything... But he was so pissed and said he didn't believe me....
No matter what I said he just got more upset... So I got worried and said I was gonna just go... He grabbed me and threw me back.. and he beat the **** out of me... And then forced himself on me.... He said I didn't have the right to just leave.... and kept calling me a *****...
I feel so stupid.... I hate living like this... I wish I could die... But I know I can't just abandon my daughter... My body hurts so much still... I feel like such a failure... So pathetic... I hate this...

Call the police....

Think of it this way .... if a man treated your daughter this way what would you do ???

Call 911. Press charges now. ASAP.

File a restraining order. Why do you equate this to abandoning your daughter?

She said she won’t abandkn her daughter after saying that she wished she could die

Although after being beaten and feeling trapped in that situation, it becomes a twisted conflict of emotions because one of the top aspects to staying is this ingrained sense that having kids together is lifelong in raising them yet feeling hopeless because of what happened with the assault and battery.

Even for instance, I hear from time to time, well meaning and all, as I struggle and embark on raising teen sons alone how it's harder for me because they are at an age of where society says these boys need a man in the house.

The hopelessness I can relate to of the OP because after one of the restraining orders was lifted, the one where he went ballistic on our anniversary because someone told him I was having an affair. He had hired a lawyer that really did a number on me on the witness stand and the crazed look in his face that there was no way I was ever going to leave....I remember coming home and crying my heart out...

I am very sorry for all you had to go through. Raising teenagers can be hard, but you know... I never had any mother or father, all I had were critics of me telling me that I should "study, have a bright future -- so we can enjoy your money and social influence --" this lead me become mad.

Some parents like you who take parenting seriously feel the pressure of nurturing their kids. Some don't consider them to be their kids, and don't feel any pressure at all. The only thing that they need to say is "We don't have money for anything you ask for except food, clothing and shelter." I cannot explain my dire status here as the thread would get derailed, but all I can tell you is this.

- Feel the responsibility of taking care of your children? Congrats, they most likely will be successful.

As the opposite happened in my case. I had great potential in science. I could have been a doctor.

Yes, press charges, get a restraining order, and figure out how to leave him. Can you take your daughter with you? Do you have somewhere else you can stay? The police should be able to help you problem solve the situation. Trust me, you're not doing your daughter any favors by staying with this abusive man in an abusive household.

I work for a lawyer, actually... Spent the whole morning there talking to him.. they said they would help me with this... My boss got me a hotel room for the rest of the week so my husband can't find my daughter and me..
Everything feels so unreal... I don't understand why any of this happened.... I still love him... I can't stand it... I hate how much I want to be with him right now... I don't want to hurt him... But I don't know what else to do to protect my daughter....
I wish I could just turn it off... I don't want to feel anything for him.. but I can't help but love him still... It's so sick...

This is just part of the cycle of abuse. Look how twisted your thinking is. He beat and raped you and still you want him in your life. Please get yourself a therapist and work through this. Life can be so much h better for you and your daughter. No more walking on eggshells, no more violence. Your home should be a safe place.

Good for you for getting help and for being safe. As for loving him, you love the good parts of him that you saw..... not the bad parts. But that bad comes with the good and outweighs the good by far in this case. You have to look at all sides to him..... physical violence and rape are very serious. He can never be trusted again. Violence is not love. Violence is abuse. You must stay away from him and leave him fully for your own safety and for your daughter's well being.

Good for you for being able to ask for help and get the resources needed to escape. The love aspect is akin to the stockholm syndrome. It's worthwhile seeking therapy for and joining a support group with others who have gone through similar. You've gotta figure that you've created a hope for a future together and built dreams together so it's very hard to let go of the what could have beens and what should have beens.
I see you call yourself sick, it's him who did these things to the mother of his child.
There's a reason why it can take up to eight attempts to leave an abuser. One of them is in the shock to the system and denial with an air of this must be a mistake due to the extreme betrayal involved.

Thank you guys... This **** is just so crazy... My lawyer said that they pressed charges but they didn't arrest him... Not too sure what's going on.. Just been kind of in a daze these past few days...
Had to get a new phone because my husband and his "friend" kept calling and texting... I feel awful... I don't know if I want to do all of this... I want to know what my husband has to say... But I know there's nothing he can say to fix this... I'm still covered in bruises... I know it needs to be over... But I still feel like I want him here... It's so exhausting...
His friend kept begging to meet up and talk... But this is all his fault... What the he'll could be possibly want?!? Everything was going fine and that stupid text destroyed it all... How could I think I would want anything to do with him?!? Make no sense....
And tomorrow is father's day... This **** really sucks...