Should I tell my husband?

Law enforcement don't need your permission to press charges. If they see clearly that this man is the aggressor, it is up to the police to decide if charges are laid...its out of your hands I think. They may ask you to give testimony, but apart from that the law takes over from here.

Well then I don't know what's going on... I'm just a receptionist... And I've been with them for only about 2 months so I really don't know any legal stuff... But I don't know if I want him to go to jail.. I don't think that will help him.... But I'm really conflicted on it...

Tyffani, what he has done to you is violent and criminal and dangerous. Those types of people belong in jail. Prison is not meant to help him. It is meant to keep him from hurting anyone else or hurt you even further. Many of these men and up killing their significant other and if that happens what will happen to your daughter. What if she is a witness to further violence perpetrated by him. Could she ever recover? I can tell you pretty honestly that he is not conflicted about you. The next time will be even more violent. Your feelings of conflict is just another sign of that cycle of abuse. REMEMBER: LOVE SHOULD NOT HURT. He has hurt you physically, mentally and emotionally. If you can cut the cord for you, do it for your daughter.

I agree, it doesn't matter if prison will help him or not. It's about keeping you and your daughter safe. You need to get out of this relationship.

It's up to the police to arrest him. Which is contrary to popular belief. You wouldn't believe the rumor mill about my exhusbands arrest. It was the District Attorney's office that pressed charges and asked me to be a witness.
Pretty much the only thing as victims that can be done is to file a restraining order. That is separate from the criminal case.

If you want to see him helped. Court mandated services is quite honestly the best route. And that's care of the Criminal System. Jail time can be staved off while on probation and attending to counseling And Anger Management and/or Domestic Violence treatments-which I forget the name of that course but it's in existence. Anger Management with fear of jail time came be helpful...

I am glad you will see a therapist. Yes, your thinking is not clear. He doesn't just need help, dear. He needs to be arrested and away from you for good. Please pursue the arrest and charges.

Tyffani, it's not as though this man's problems will be solved by talking to a therapist once or twice. I don't think you are understanding what is happening to you. Everyone here is urging you to steer clear of him, and we are all telling you he is very violent and dangerous.

I am not a lawyer either and don’t know much about legal stuff but I know when someone assaults you, you call 911 and they come and get them. And when you are covered with bruises from assault, your primary concern should be your and your child’s safety not how jail is supposed to help your attacker.

I'm glad that you are seeing a therapist now. I'm glad that your lawyer is helping you legally. Maybe now your husband will take his actions seriously and will be held accountable for his actions

I know you guys are right... I just want to believe he can get better... But at the same time, I don't want my daughter to think that is normal... I've lost so much respect for myself over the years... that I can't see being good enough for more than this kind of life... but I don't want my daughter to feel that way...

I wish I could have the good parts back... but I don't think we can go back after this...
but when my lawyer asked if I want to arrest him I just couldn't say yes... I just froze... I don't know what's wrong with me... I can get away... but I can't do anything to him.. I feel like I can't...

You have to have enough self respect & strength to be able to draw the line.

Your husband assaulted you, beat you and raped you. How is that possibly even remotely acceptable?

It is very hard to understand where you are coming from, and I wish I could, but you clearly have some very deep self-esteem issues and self-respect issues. And I say that with great compassion.

You deserve FAR better treatment than to be violently beaten up and raped.

I don't understand what is holding you back from having him arrested. There should be NO guilt. He has committed a violent crime against you...

And there is NO turning back from this point. Someone who is a rapist and who beats a woman is NOT going to improve his ways towards you. Is that what you believe? It's only going to get far worse from here on out IF you stay with him. By doing so, you are allowing the violence to continue. Is that what you truly want? Right now you should be saying hell no......

Would you have said yes to a restraining order? I'm confused why that's not being offered?

I think that confusion came from me, perhaps? It's a bottom out, in a way--hitting rock bottom. Those probation visits and anger management courses come with a price tag-literally. It's a fine by the court that must be paid.

Ok you love your daughter and your husband.
Let's work with that.

Do you want to be the reason the man you love spends the rest of his life in prison for murder, or the reason your daughter has no parents instead of at least one that loves her?

Because that's what will happen if you keep going back.

I have been the child in the fkt up marriage. I hated my parents growing up for. Being selfish a**holes who never once considered me or my brother.

Then ironies of all ironies I went and did the same thing, ten years with someone who spent the last 2 years beating and raping me....Then he abducted my son.!

I was crazy about this guy, took him back over and over, funny thing is he left me for someone who wouldn't take his sht. One nervous breakdown and years of healing me and my kids...because believe me my kids are damaged. I am finally at a place, that if he came crawling back tomorrow i wild punch him in the Dikk and tell him to jog on.

It's not easy, it takes time, honestly for the first 3 years we were separated I would have taken him back at any time and did, for a couple of weeks here and there, but it always blew up and the incidents got worse...until he tried to kill me one night after raping me.

This guy will never let this go, you two have gone too far, you can't put those boundaries back. Not with all the good will and therapy in the world. Some people just don't work together.

Wish I could tell you something different, but my story is one of thousands that end the same way. Either you save yourself or you wind up in a box.

But you have the choice.

I would get into some kind of counseling to help you talk about your feelings.

I lost a coworker through domestic violence!

I completely understand how you feel because it cost money for a lawyer and to pay court just to hear a case.

Plus I'm sure knowing that it wouldn't be left at probation if ever to occur again has an affect. The No Abuse Clause remains a Permanent Fixture.

Edit to Add: the Restrainer order that lasted into its second year was necessary and helpful. It was only removed at the recommendation of the Family Probate Judge with directive that we are to co parent together, and communication and visitation through 3rd parties had become hopeless and it isn't up to the children to relay messages.

I can say, that there is a unified front concerning the three sons. Can function very maturely at various events such as 8th grade commencement ceremonies, graduation parties and the likes.

Hey guys.. Sorry I've been gone for a while... Things escalated again but it's over now, I guess..

I went back to my parent's house because I didn't want to keep having my boss pay for a hotel.. Not even two days being there, my husband showed up... Both my parents and my sisters were at work and my daughter was visiting his mom for the weekend...
When I saw him at the door I tried to shut it and lock it, but he pushed through... I tried to beg him to leave and he smacked me to the ground... He got on top of me and was hitting me... I was able to reach my sisters dog's ceramic dish and I hit him in the head..
I got free and I ran to the bathroom and locked myself in.. I grabbed my phone on the way and I called the cops... I was able to tell them where I was and that he beat me.. While I was on the phone with them he broke through the door and drug me by my hair to the couch and starting tearing my clothes and he started raping me again...
A cop burst in and tackled him off of me... He just kept screaming at me, "you called the f*cking cops? what the ***** is wrong with you?"...

I've been locked in my room for a couple days... his mom has been holding on to my daughter so she didn't have to see me like this... I don't know how to feel anymore you guys... Everything is so wrong... and all I did was make it worse..
He's in jail now... and my lawyer is insisting we push for no probation.... I told him I don't care anymore... I just don't want to be hit again...
I feel like I have no energy... I can barely move without being in pain...

I'm sorry I didn't listen... You guys were right... and I just kept trusting him to get better.... I'm sorry... This ***** is all my fault...

I'm so sorry, Tyffani... your last post made me cry. You tried to block him from coming in. He forced his way in. Good for you for calling the police. Yes, I would push for no probation, absolutely. Do not let this man run free, with the ability to come after you again.

((((((((Tyffani)))))))))