[Tryingtoheal77]

For a while now, I've been super avoidant and irritated by my grandparents for "no good reason." They're pretty good people, and there's no big issues so I'm not sure why I'm having such a problem - so I feel so guilty for not wanting to spend time with them, and dreading the times I am with them. Maybe it's tied in with my mental health? I don't know.


Both sets live locally so they're around pretty often. I'm an adult (late 20s) so it's not like I'm a child anymore, but still. I get super annoyed by being constantly asked about details in my life (one grandma keeps asking "tell me about the new man in your life?" -way to make me feel bad about now having one ). I feel like when I'm around them I can't just hang out and be myself because EVERYthing will be commented on. What I'm eating, wearing, reading, if I look sleepy, etc. Constant repetition of stories, etc.


One grandfather in particular also makes me feel uncomfortable because he likes to give tight hugs, tends to stare, and comments (positively) on my appearance a lot. Not in any way inappropriately, but still I find it odd, but idk if it's just my hypersensitivity.


Probably something I need to discuss in therapy and sort out. No history of abuse or trauma (I struggle with anxiety and dysthymia), but I hate feeling this way, and feel like my grandparents are probably feeling unloved.

Maybe you just need some space for a little while. Perhaps your grandparents sense you are acting differently and are worried about you - which only makes you feel a bit smothered? Can you find ways to politely divert conversation away from your personal details and they might get the message? It sounds like they’ve mostly been a positive part of your life and I’m sure you don’t want to lose that. But if you feel you’ve outgrown some aspects of your relationship with them you might need to work on finding new topics of conversation. Go ahead and keep hugging them even if you feel annoyed. In about 20 years you will be so very glad that you did.

[*Laurie*]

Find some way to make peace with how you're feeling about the older folks. Keep in mind that something they most probably live for is what you are doing in your life.
Sisabel is quite correct - in about 20 years you'll long for a day with your grandparents who are long gone. Trust me on that.

I have an idea.... what if it is YOU who leads the conversation? It sounds to me like they are simply trying to initiate conversation. I am guessing they do so to alleviate uncomfortable silence. The answer then would be for you to head off these questions by being proactive. Why not be the one to start off conversations? You have some choices here. Ask them about their lives and what is happening. Be forward and tell them before being asked things that you are comfortable with them knowing. Just try to avoid periods of uncomfortable silence. Try to avoid it being they who have to break them.

I am not sure whether or not anxiety causes emotional detachment (there are many subtypes of anxiety, and it varies from person to person) but it may be related to your anxiety? Also, I too suffer from emotional detachment from relatives. My uncles and aunts are very supportive and amazing as persons, but I am not attached to them.

I suggest you to show love to your grandparents, as they'll be gone some day not too far (considering the fact that you're in your 20's.)