[MajorGiles99]

MY GF of 18 months just moved out and I am rereading old text trying to see when and where I started loosing trust. In doing so it's sending my mind to all sorts of places and placing blame on myself. For simply not listening. I learned last week she had feelings for someone with whom she works with, she admitted to me that when I/we lost our emotional connect, She connected with him.

She herself suffers from PTSD from an abusive father relationship.

I know she has already kissed this dude and let him touch her, but that's all I know, she texted her BFF and said all she wants is to get high and have sex, with home or whoever IDK.

Do I need to just accept it and let it go, we have not spoke in a little under 5 days and one text about her mail that has not come in?

[Crazy Hitch]

If you dated for 18 months, that was a serious relationship. No harm in picking up the phone and being brutally honest with her, just as you have here, and tell her how you have been feeling / what you have been doing.

[MickeyCheeky]

Your decision. You can call her, or decide to move on starting from now.. I'm sorry for what you've been through.

[aimlesshiker]

It sounds like she's ready to move along (showing interest in another man), but you're not. I don't know your gf, but if she's at the point of already flirting, heck, showing affection to someone else, that's a sign she's not willing to commit here. You also mentioned that things started to drift around the times she had feelings for him, another red flag.

My heart aches for you. It's up to you what you do. Think about how much time and energy you want to put into this relationship. Is she going to continue putting you through this? Is there a chance this behavior is a result of her mental health issues? Is she doing this without any regard to your feelings? Things to think about...

[eskielover]

It could be she caused the loss if emotional connect at that time because she became interested in that other guy.....at what point in the 18 months did that happen?

For me, the bottlm line would be that anyone interested in just getting high & having sex would NOT be allowed into my life at at intimate level in the first place no matter what the cause may be.

[MajorGiles99]

Originally Posted by eskielover

It could be she caused the loss if emotional connect at that time because she became interested in that other guy.....at what point in the 18 months did that happen?

It started in Nov of last year, about 3 months after we moved in together, 11 months after our relationship started. I hate that I feel so strongly about her and that she has done this, I don't know if I could ever trust her again.

[MajorGiles99]

Originally Posted by mumblyocelot

My heart aches for you. It's up to you what you do. Think about how much time and energy you want to put into this relationship. Is she going to continue putting you through this? Is there a chance this behavior is a result of her mental health issues? Is she doing this without any regard to your feelings? Things to think about...

It's possible her own mental issues are playing a role, she is very immature. I wanted to give her a safe place to call home. Instead once I started to loose trust I push her away ever so slowly, anyway that is how I am feeling. Had she not left I would have / could have forgiven. But now I am simply sad.

[ShadowGX]

I'm very sorry you've gone through this. It definitely sounds like a "go find a more mature gal" situation. Perhaps she needs to get her heart broken a few times to knock some maturity into her, or maybe she's just destined to be someone who doesn't commit and hops around. Regardless, you can do better than that. There's gals out there who are ready for a good guy to start a life with.

[Shazerac]

It’s normal and healthy to look at how we may have contributed to a break down in a relationship. That being said I think it sounds like this relationship is over. It’s sad that she has PTSD but that does not excuse her cheating on you. My vote is that you let her go and move on to a better place.

[MajorGiles99]

Everyday I am trying to ease my thoughts of her and the future I thought we could have had. But the odds were against us and I ...... failed.

[eskielover]

Don't take on the owning of failed.....in a relationship BOTH fail to make it work. Neither ine is fully responsible.

[Shazerac]

Originally Posted by MajorGiles99

Everyday I am trying to ease my thoughts of her and the future I thought we could have had. But the odds were against us and I ...... failed.

In what way did you fail?

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by MajorGiles99

But the odds were against us and I ...... failed.

I beg to differ. I feel for you and know this is painful but I hope you will realize this is not something you failed at but she did. She has already pretty much cheated on you and no matter the excuse that is on her. She also has made it clear that she doesn't want ties by what she said to her bff, about just wanting to have sex and stuff with anyone whenever and wherever so, I'm not sure anything you did would or would have changed things.

Although everything in you wants to 'figure out" where it went wrong, free yourself from the idea that it was anything you did.

[MajorGiles99]

Originally Posted by Shazerac

In what way did you fail?

As I reread her text to me and she had told me, I wasn't giving her the emotional support she needed. I heard it at the time but didn't listen. Rereading thru the text just sent me into a bad place. How was I so blind and deaf, I made adjustments tried to open up more, but when some doubt sunk in, based on things I began reading and thinking and over thinking, my worst nightmare became a truth.

That being said I also saw this coming and did not want to accept it. I thought we could weather the storm and come out stronger and how I missed it IDK. With the last couple of weeks we were together there was discussions of getting a bigger place, so her siblings could come and stay and not invade the living room. Talk of other trips away and then it all vanished.

I feel used and like a fool.

Thank you for your words.

[MajorGiles99]

Originally Posted by s4ndm4n2006

Although everything in you wants to 'figure out" where it went wrong, free yourself from the idea that it was anything you did.

I am really trying to do just that, but I find it exceptionally hard not to mentally punish myself.

[s4ndm4n2006]

Originally Posted by MajorGiles99

I am really trying to do just that, but I find it exceptionally hard not to mentally punish myself.

I get that, even though in our minds it's the logical thing to do.. the tendency is to try and figure out what we did. I don't say that as if it's an easy task but as encouragement to keep trying. some of it is simply getting some distance from the event too, it does get easier. dw.

[MajorGiles99]

8 days in and I am still in deep thoughts over this, going to work is a challenge and going home to an empty place even harder. This sucks

[eskielover]

Time will make it better especially if you understand you are actually better off now than before. Transitions are always difficult.

[MajorGiles99]

Too bad there isn't a time machine, to accelerate forward to get past this or reverse to stop it from ever being an issue.

I gave up so much for this relationship only to be burned and I am mad at myself for not being more proactive and mad at myself for allowing this person to hurt me so much and I also hurt someone else's feelings too for that I am especially mad at myself. Even though that relationship was tanked for almost 10 years...

I am such a fool...

[Shazerac]

You are not a fool. Maybe you did make mistakes, but you are human and humans make mistakes. Chalk it up as a learning experience. It’s not easy to do and the breakdown of a relationship is always a sad thing. But it takes 2 people to make a relationship to work. No part of this is 100% your doing.

[MajorGiles99]

It is the exact reason I came here is for the support you guys have given me. At work it's ez to disconnect, and work. But while at home, I think all too much, with your support, my small group of friends and a therapist I will move past this.

[eskielover]

This is a great site to help get perspective because there are so many people to draw thoughts from.....what I appreciate about PC the most is that people express themselves in a very tactful way when saying what they think about a subject. This site & the moderators & admin are tops in my book & I have been here....actually I'm one of the dinasours.

One thing I found out was how important support is to get through difficult things in life. I always had to do it by myself until a few years ago when I left that environment. It was actually shocking to me because I was always an "I can do it myself" kind of person because that was what was necessary to survive. Support is the most awesome experience. It took me awhile to learn it was ok to accept & my T I got after moving here thought she would never break down my walls.....& PC has been a help in tje process.

[MajorGiles99]

I am doing better, with the support I have received from here, co-workers and counseling. Though my mind is an evil enemy, placing doubts and wants over common sense, I dream of her and awake thinking of what i have lost. So I resorted to rebuilding a new FB page and binge watching GOT, all the while looking for jobs away from here.

Time is certainly the cure, but it creeps by ever so slowly.

[eskielover]

Glad it is improving.....you are right time creeps at the beginning & then we look back & time has flown by.

[MajorGiles99]

I am so ready for the time to fly by...