[Tyffani]

Hey everyone,
A few days ago I had to pick up some baby stuff from one of my husband's friend's house and when I was there, his friend and I were talking. On my way out, he grabbed me and kissed and groped me some... I pushed him away and yelled at him and just ran out of there...
It's been worrying me so much.. should I tell my husband what happened? I'm scared he will twist things and get upset... I haven't seen or spoken to his friend since the incident.. but I feel so sick over it..
Should I say something? Or should I just leave it alone for now and see what happens? I feel so confused...

[Middlemarcher]

I’m so sorry that happened to you.

Your husband is using drugs and abusing you. Your fear that he will twist this and get upset is a reasonable fear. I would not tell him about this. I would also work on leaving as soon as possible.

So, this man basically made advances on you that were not welcomed, invited, or even wanted?? EW!!!! This man was completely in the wrong, you did nothing wrong, and it seems you did not reciprocate.

Why would your husband take it the wrong way if you told him? The poster above says your husband abuses drugs and you? I don't know the backstory, but if that is the case, then no, I wouldn't tell your husband. And yes if your husband abuses you, can you leave him??

[Middlemarcher]

I would encourage everyone to read this poster’s history and take it into consideration. Yes, you should be able to tell a spouse that this happened. But in an abusive situation, it is not a good idea.

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

I would encourage everyone to read this poster’s history and take it into consideration. Yes, you should be able to tell a spouse that this happened. But in an abusive situation, it is not a good idea.

I just edited my reply, in light of yours above.

[divine1966]

For safety reasons I wouldn’t tell your husbands history of abuse and drugs. Unfortunately your husband’s friend sounds just as horrid as your husband. I don’t pretend to understand of course but you are in a bad situation and you owe it to your child to consider leaving

[Tyffani]

My husband hasn't hurt me since the last post I wrote... He has been okay.. but I don't know how he would react to this...
It's all just crazy... This guys has been his friend since we were all in high school... He has a girl... Why would he do this..?
I want to be honest with my husband but I'm scared it will blow up... But then I can't help but feel like if I don't say anything and he somehow finds out, it will be worse...

[SorryShaped]

My hope for you is to get away from all of this bad in your life

[Middlemarcher]

Your post about him hurting you was 3 weeks ago. He doesn’t stop being an abuser because he hasn’t hit you in 3 weeks.

I also hope that you get away from all the bad people in your life. It’s not surprising that an abuser would have terrible people as friends.

It is not normal to have to worry that if your husband finds out that someone forced a kiss on you and groped you, that he will get upset at you.

[Tyffani]

His friend texted me and keeps asking if we can talk... I told him no but he keeps texting me...
I'm starting to worry that he might tell my husband.... I feel like I should tell him before his friend tries to... But I'm so scared it will blow up...
Should I just talk to his friend..? Just see what he has to say..? I don't know what to do... I'm worried he might try something again if I talk to him....
What should I do..?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Tyffani

His friend texted me and keeps asking if we can talk... I told him no but he keeps texting me...
I'm starting to worry that he might tell my husband.... I feel like I should tell him before his friend tries to... But I'm so scared it will blow up...
Should I just talk to his friend..? Just see what he has to say..? I don't know what to do... I'm worried he might try something again if I talk to him....
What should I do..?

Block that friend. Tell your husband. File for divorce. In that sequence or maybe file for divorce first

[Erebos]

Tough situation, problem is you could tell your husband now, and he would take your side, until next time he goes on a binge, or has a bad come down.

Then he will twist it up into some kind of deluded mess, where he believes you were in on it.

I have been an addict for 24 years and I promise you all that matters to him is his fix. And if he can use this as an excuse to get melted he probably will.

[Tyffani]

Originally Posted by divine1966

Block that friend. Tell your husband. File for divorce. In that sequence or maybe file for divorce first

I don't want to divorce my husband... I love him...

[Tyffani]

Originally Posted by Erebos

Tough situation, problem is you could tell your husband now, and he would take your side, until next time he goes on a binge, or has a bad come down.

Then he will twist it up into some kind of deluded mess, where he believes you were in on it.

I have been an addict for 24 years and I promise you all that matters to him is his fix. And if he can use this as an excuse to get melted he probably will.

I don't think he has been using anymore.... But I can't say I haven't thought about this...

[Middlemarcher]

Don’t talk to the friend. He is not a safe person.

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Tyffani

I don't want to divorce my husband... I love him...

TRIGER All right then. Smacking you on the mouth busting your lip open in front of your daughter sounds like love worthy behavior to you? But ok.

Just be prepared that this will be the future of your daughter. She is growing up thinking than beating up on women and doing meth is normal so she’ll choose a man just like the one you chose. This will be your daughter’s life.

Although maybe someone might report to authorities what’s going on in your home and your kid will be taken from you.

[Tyffani]

Originally Posted by divine1966

TRIGER All right then. Smacking you on the mouth busting your lip open in front of your daughter sounds like love worthy behavior to you? But ok.

Just be prepared that this will be the future of your daughter. She is growing up thinking than beating up on women and doing meth is normal so she’ll choose a man just like the one you chose. This will be your daughter’s life.

Although maybe someone might report to authorities what’s going on in your home and your kid will be taken from you.

Why would you say something like that..? My husband doesn't hit me every other day.. the last incident was the first time in years... He apologized and hasn't done it again...
He hasn't used meth again... I've been watching him very closely... He was being a little better...
He's not a bad father... He hasn't hurt our daughter.. we take care of her...

[Middlemarcher]

Would you want your daughter to be with someone like your husband when she grows up? Would you be ok with that?

Originally Posted by Tyffani

Hey everyone,
A few days ago I had to pick up some baby stuff from one of my husband's friend's house and when I was there, his friend and I were talking. On my way out, he grabbed me and kissed and groped me some... I pushed him away and yelled at him and just ran out of there...
It's been worrying me so much.. should I tell my husband what happened? I'm scared he will twist things and get upset... I haven't seen or spoken to his friend since the incident.. but I feel so sick over it..
Should I say something? Or should I just leave it alone for now and see what happens? I feel so confused...

Yes tell him. Don't worry about it - your husband will take care of it

[Tyffani]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

Would you want your daughter to be with someone like your husband when she grows up? Would you be ok with that?

He isn't a bad guy... I don't want her to be hit or anything like that.. but he has a lot of good in him too....

[Middlemarcher]

Originally Posted by Tyffani

He isn't a bad guy... I don't want her to be hit or anything like that.. but he has a lot of good in him too....

If he wouldn’t be good enough for your daughter, I wonder why he’s ok for you. It is also true that your daughter will absorb this as normal, and will be much more likely to get into an abusive relationship when she grows up.

[Tyffani]

Originally Posted by Middlemarcher

If he wouldn’t be good enough for your daughter, I wonder why he’s ok for you. It is also true that your daughter will absorb this as normal, and will be much more likely to get into an abusive relationship when she grows up.

That's only if he keeps hitting me though... He said he won't... People can change... He has changed so much since we were in high school... Things were worse back then.. but he has been better to me....

[Middlemarcher]

How many times has he told you before that he won’t hit you again?

[divine1966]

Originally Posted by Tyffani

Why would you say something like that..? My husband doesn't hit me every other day.. the last incident was the first time in years... He apologized and hasn't done it again...
He hasn't used meth again... I've been watching him very closely... He was being a little better...
He's not a bad father... He hasn't hurt our daughter.. we take care of her...

Is it ok to hit you as long as it’s not every other day? One time is one too many. He might not be hitting your daughter but he teaches her that it’s ok because he hits you. He also smokes with her in the car. Bad idea

[Tyffani]

I don't know what I can say... I'm sorry....