[Easysail]

I have a friend who has a good heart, listens to me and really loves me, but she is too blunt and takes pride in the fact that she tells it like it is. On different occasions, she would draw my attention to my physical flaws-because everyone has flaws- either asking me to fix them or just bringing them up in a casual conversation between us. It is really embarrassing and annoying when she does that although she doesn’t do it in front of anybody else but still. And please don’t think that I’m not working on fixing my flaws. I’m doing so to the best of my ability, but I don’t need someone to point this out to me. I mean she has flaws too just like everyone else but I never draw her attention to them because I don’t wanna hurt her. She even told me that I’m not good enough to have a hot boyfriend then she said “don’t get me wrong I think you’re pretty”. I never understood why she thinks I’m not qualified to have a hot boyfriend? Yet she keeps telling me about all the hot guys she’s been with.
I still speak to her on occasion but at the same time I never told her how much her words hurt me because they do hurt me so much.
Am I being too sensitive or is she the one who’s not being sensitive enough? Should I stay friends with her? Because I’m afraid that if I confront her we would stop being friends because as I said earlier she’s a good friend despite her being unknowingly inconsiderate at times.

[earthlove]

Since she has been a good friend, it would be best to bring it up. Yes, you might run the risk that it will end your friendship. However, keeping it bottled up while she continues to do this will not be good in the long run. Let her know how it makes you feel, you are being appropriately sensitive.

[TishaBuv]

What is a friend supposed to be? They don’t point out your flaws, they acknowledge your attributes. They build you up and encourage you. Tell her she is not being a good friend by harping on your weaknesses. With friends like that who needs enemies?

[ohmydaisy]

Your friend tells it like it is, it's only fair she hears her short-comings that is harming your friendship. If it's a good solid friendship, it'll make the friendship stronger. Understanding each other and overcoming hurdles can be good. And if she decides to end it, then you did all you could. You ending the friendship before letting her know may be prematurely ending a potentially strong friendship and it wouldn't be fair either.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by Easysail

I have a friend who has a good heart, listens to me and really loves me, but she is too blunt and takes pride in the fact that she tells it like it is. On different occasions, she would draw my attention to my physical flaws-because everyone has flaws- either asking me to fix them or just bringing them up in a casual conversation between us. It is really embarrassing and annoying when she does that although she doesn’t do it in front of anybody else but still. And please don’t think that I’m not working on fixing my flaws. I’m doing so to the best of my ability, but I don’t need someone to point this out to me. I mean she has flaws too just like everyone else but I never draw her attention to them because I don’t wanna hurt her. She even told me that I’m not good enough to have a hot boyfriend then she said “don’t get me wrong I think you’re pretty”. I never understood why she thinks I’m not qualified to have a hot boyfriend? Yet she keeps telling me about all the hot guys she’s been with.
I still speak to her on occasion but at the same time I never told her how much her words hurt me because they do hurt me so much.
Am I being too sensitive or is she the one who’s not being sensitive enough? Should I stay friends with her? Because I’m afraid that if I confront her we would stop being friends because as I said earlier she’s a good friend despite her being unknowingly inconsiderate at times.

I had some problem in the past with people who are too blunt. Simply because they either try to hide behind their bluntness when they are really just being rude. I think you should point out to your friend that she has over step boundaries and if she your friend she will understand.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by earthlove

Since she has been a good friend, it would be best to bring it up. Yes, you might run the risk that it will end your friendship. However, keeping it bottled up while she continues to do this will not be good in the long run. Let her know how it makes you feel, you are being appropriately sensitive.

I completely agree with what you had to say.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What is a friend supposed to be? They don’t point out your flaws, they acknowledge your attributes. They build you up and encourage you. Tell her she is not being a good friend by harping on your weaknesses. With friends like that who needs enemies?

I completely agree with what you have to say. Friends are supposed to build you up and not break you down

[MickeyCheeky]

I agree, point this out to your friend and see the reactions. If she cares she will do something to fix that behavior.

[SparkySmart]

I once bluntly remarked to a friend that her 45-year-old son was a bum and manipulative (able-bodied but living with her and refusing to work, demanding meals, abusive, entitled). Now these things were true, and continue to be true today (IMO), but she didn't talk to me for three years. THREE YEARS. Why, oh why, did I do that? I know that she knew it already, but I was driven by a need to correct her lifestyle to my satisfaction. That she ever forgave me is a miracle.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

I agree, point this out to your friend and see the reactions. If she cares she will do something to fix that behavior.

I completely agree with you. If she a true friend? Than she will admitted to her mistake and try her best to work on them. But If she doesn't than at least your know that you had tried to make the friendship work out. It may have just run the course. But if she does come back in the future put up healthy boundaries.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

What is a friend supposed to be? They don’t point out your flaws, they acknowledge your attributes. They build you up and encourage you. Tell her she is not being a good friend by harping on your weaknesses. With friends like that who needs enemies?

That is really great advice. I wish that had occurred to me when i was dealing with a blunt person. I completely agree with about the behavior.

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by ohmydaisy

Your friend tells it like it is, it's only fair she hears her short-comings that is harming your friendship. If it's a good solid friendship, it'll make the friendship stronger. Understanding each other and overcoming hurdles can be good. And if she decides to end it, then you did all you could. You ending the friendship before letting her know may be prematurely ending a potentially strong friendship and it wouldn't be fair either.

That is really great advice!

[Buffy01]

Originally Posted by SparkySmart

I once bluntly remarked to a friend that her 45-year-old son was a bum and manipulative (able-bodied but living with her and refusing to work, demanding meals, abusive, entitled). Now these things were true, and continue to be true today (IMO), but she didn't talk to me for three years. THREE YEARS. Why, oh why, did I do that? I know that she knew it already, but I was driven by a need to correct her lifestyle to my satisfaction. That she ever forgave me is a miracle.

At least that you realized that you made an honest mistake without the intention of doing harm but with the intention of helping her put up boundaries. Some people never admit that they are in the wrong.